As a human many people only call upon him when they need him. Building a bonding/close relationship with him takes devotion and time. He misses us when we don't visit him, but he doesn't push. He is still and quiet. He gives us the ability to choose. Satan will try to trick us by getting us busy with life until we are so busy we aren't making time for God. We are all hypocrites. We are all guilty. Just try to get in the habit of making routine (preferably daily) time to pray, meditate and worship and praise our Lord. I find when I am praying for others and listening to christian music it makes me feel more peaceful and happy. I even have more energy. His word tells us to keep our minds on what so ever is good, lovely and pure.....anyway, I guess what I am trying to say, is that what you have done is human, don't beat yourself up, but for your own sake, try to change a few habits and start making studying God's word, prayer and meditation daily......these things will truly help you understand his word more clearly and make you feel more at peace in general.....God Bless you....I pray that you will draw close to God......His word promises that when you draw close to God he will draw close to you..