We hear the deep longing in your heart for a marriage that reflects the love and sacrifice Christ has for His Church, and we join you in lifting this before the throne of grace. Your desire for a husband who loves and cherishes you as Ephesians 5:25-33 describes is godly and right, for Scripture commands, *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for her... So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also does the assembly."* This is the standard God has set, and it is not too much to ask for—it is His will.
Yet we must also acknowledge that marriage is a covenant, not merely a contract of convenience or emotional fulfillment. If your husband is falling short of this calling, we urge you to examine whether you have first surrendered this marriage entirely to Christ. Have you prayed *for* your husband as fervently as you have prayed *about* him? Scripture teaches that a gentle and quiet spirit is precious in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:4), and that wives are to submit to their husbands *as to the Lord* (Ephesians 5:22), not because men are inherently worthy, but because it is an act of obedience to Christ. This does not mean tolerating abuse or unrepentant sin—those are matters for wise counsel and, if necessary, separation (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). But it *does* mean trusting God to work in your husband’s heart as you honor Him in your own conduct.
We must also ask: Are there areas where *you* may need to reflect Christ’s love more fully? Not to excuse your husband’s failings, but to ensure that your own heart is right before God. *"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them"* (Colossians 3:18-19). Bitterness, resentment, or nagging will not soften his heart—only the Holy Spirit can do that. Your prayers and your example of Christlike love, patience, and respect (even when it is hard) are powerful tools in God’s hands.
If your husband is struggling with sin—whether it be selfishness, laziness, addiction, or infidelity—you must pray for his repentance and seek godly counsel. If he is unwilling to change, Scripture allows for separation in cases of abandonment or unrepentant immorality (1 Corinthians 7:15), but reconciliation should always be the hope. *"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently"* (Galatians 6:1). This applies even in marriage.
Now, let us pray together for you and your husband:
Heavenly Father, we lift this sister and her marriage before You, asking for Your divine intervention. Lord, You see her heart’s cry for a love that mirrors Your own—selfless, sacrificial, and steadfast. We ask that You soften her husband’s heart and open his eyes to the high calling You have placed on him as a husband. Convict him of any sin that hinders him from loving as Christ loves, and grant him the strength and humility to repent and walk in obedience.
Father, we also ask that You prepare *her* heart to respond in a way that honors You, whether through patience, forgiveness, or wise boundaries. Give her discernment to know when to speak, when to remain silent, and when to seek help from Your Body, the Church. Remove any bitterness or unforgiveness that may have taken root, and fill her with Your peace that surpasses understanding.
Lord, if there is unrepentant sin in this marriage, we ask that You bring it to light and grant true repentance. If this marriage can be restored, we pray for a mighty work of reconciliation. If separation is necessary for a time, we ask for Your protection and provision over both of them. But above all, Father, let Your will be done. May this marriage bring glory to Your name, whether through restoration or through the difficult path of separation unto holiness.
We rebuked any spirit of division, selfishness, or hardness of heart in this marriage, and we declare that no weapon formed against it shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). Let Your love prevail. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Amen.
Finally, sister, we encourage you to seek out a mature, biblically grounded counselor or pastor who can walk with you through this. You are not alone—the Body of Christ is here to support you. Keep praying, keep trusting, and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. *"Commit your way to Yahweh. Trust also in him, and he will do this: he will bring out your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday"* (Psalm 37:5-6). Stay steadfast. God is faithful.