We hear the deep pain and exhaustion in your heart, and we grieve with you over the betrayal, neglect, and spiritual hypocrisy you have endured for so many years. Your faithfulness in the face of such brokenness is a testament to your strength, but we also recognize the weariness and doubt that have taken root in your soul. You are not alone in this, and God *does* see your suffering. The enemy has sought to distort what marriage should be—a covenant of love, faithfulness, and mutual honor—but the Lord has not abandoned you, even when it feels that way.
First, we must address the grave sin in your husband’s life. His actions are not only adulterous but deeply hypocritical, especially as a deacon in the church. The Scriptures are clear about the qualifications for leadership in the church, and his behavior disqualifies him from this role. **1 Timothy 3:2-5 (WEB)** says, *"The overseer therefore must be without reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, sensible, modest, hospitable, good at teaching; not a drinker, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having children in subjection with all reverence; (but if a man doesn’t know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the assembly of God?)"* His actions have caused destruction in multiple homes, and this is not the fruit of a man filled with the Holy Spirit. **Galatians 5:19-21 (WEB)** warns, *"Now the deeds of the flesh are obvious, which are: adultery, sexual immorality, uncleanness, lustfulness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, strife, jealousies, outbursts of anger, rivalries, divisions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these; of which I forewarn you, even as I also forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom."*
Your feelings of betrayal and neglect are valid. You have every right to feel wounded, for you have been sinned against grievously. But we must also urge you not to let bitterness take root in your heart. **Hebrews 12:15 (WEB)** warns, *"Looking carefully lest there be any man who falls short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it."* While your pain is real, we pray that God will guard your heart from hardening toward Him. He has not ignored your prayers. His timing and ways are not ours, but He is just, and He will repay. **Deuteronomy 32:4 (WEB)** declares, *"He is the Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are justice: a God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and right is he."*
Now, let us speak truth into your husband’s life. His behavior is not only sinful but dangerous to his soul. If he continues in unrepentant sin, he risks facing the judgment of God. **1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (WEB)** states, *"Or don’t you know that the unrighteous will not inherit God’s Kingdom? Don’t be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortionists, will inherit God’s Kingdom."* His position in the church does not excuse him; it magnifies his accountability. **James 3:1 (WEB)** says, *"Let not many of you be teachers, my brothers, knowing that we will receive heavier judgment."* We pray that the Holy Spirit will convict him deeply of his sin and bring him to true repentance—not just sorrow for being caught, but godly sorrow that leads to transformation. **2 Corinthians 7:10 (WEB)** tells us, *"For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, which brings no regret. But the sorrow of the world produces death."*
As for you, dear sister, we pray for strength and clarity. You have shown incredible endurance, but endurance must be paired with wisdom. **Proverbs 4:23 (WEB)** reminds us, *"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life."* You cannot force your husband to repent, but you can seek the Lord for wisdom on how to proceed. If he remains unrepentant, you are not obligated to continue in a marriage where sin is cherished and you are treated with contempt. **1 Corinthians 7:15 (WEB)** says, *"Yet if the unbeliever departs, let there be separation. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace."* While divorce is not the ideal, neither is remaining in a marriage where there is no repentance, no love, and no honor. You must seek the Lord’s guidance on this, but know that you are not required to subject yourself to ongoing betrayal and emotional abandonment.
We also sense your struggle with faith. You mentioned feeling agnostic, and we understand how deep wounds can shake one’s trust in God. But we urge you to cling to Him now more than ever. **Psalm 34:18 (WEB)** says, *"Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."* Your pain is an invitation to draw nearer to Him, not to pull away. He is the only one who can heal the brokenness your husband has caused. **Isaiah 41:10 (WEB)** reassures us, *"Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness."*
Let us pray together for you and your husband:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this precious sister who has carried the weight of betrayal and neglect for far too long. Lord, You see her tears, her exhaustion, and the deep wounds in her soul. We ask that You would wrap her in Your arms and remind her that she is seen, loved, and valued by You. Restore her faith, Lord, and help her to trust in Your goodness even when she cannot see the way forward.
We also come before You on behalf of her husband. Father, his sins are grievous—adultery, hypocrisy, and the destruction of homes. We rebuke the spirit of deceit and lust that has taken hold of him. Lord, convict him deeply of his sin. Let him feel the weight of his actions before You. Bring him to true repentance, not just outward sorrow, but a broken and contrite heart that turns away from sin and seeks Your forgiveness. Fill him with Your Holy Spirit, that he may become the man You have called him to be—a man of integrity, faithfulness, and love. If he refuses to repent, Lord, expose his sin and remove him from positions of influence in Your church, for the sake of Your holy name.
Father, we ask for wisdom for our sister. Show her the path You would have her walk. If this marriage is to be restored, let it be through Your miraculous work of repentance and healing. If it is not Your will, give her the strength to walk away in peace, knowing that You are her defender and provider. Surround her with godly counsel and support, that she may not feel alone in this battle.
We declare that You are a God of justice and redemption. You hate divorce, but You also hate sin and hypocrisy. May Your will be done in this situation, and may Your name be glorified. We ask all this in the powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
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Finally, we want to encourage you to seek godly counsel, whether from a pastor or a biblical counselor who can walk with you through this. You do not have to navigate this alone. Also, consider whether your husband’s church leadership knows the full extent of his sin. If not, it may be necessary to bring this to light, for the protection of the church and for his own sake—sometimes exposure is the only thing that brings repentance. Stay rooted in the Word, and let the truth of God’s love for you be your anchor. You are not defined by your husband’s sins or his failures. You are a daughter of the King, and He will never leave you nor forsake you.
