HIS TIME, NOT MINE
My stand began by pure direction from God. My husband and I had been having a rough time for quite a while. I knew the answer was to go back to church but our three busy children had become our focus. Mean and unkind words were thrown at one another daily. My husband works out of town so I allowed Satan and his demons to dwell in me and they concocted a whole string of insecurities. I accused my loving husband of always cheating on me, nothing was ever good enough and I could do this on my own. I threatened divorce often - I didn't need him!
I could not have been more wrong. He told me about a month before Christmas he could no longer do this. I was in disbelief! He thought that was what I wanted. Even though I had said it - I did not mean it. I realized the mistake I had made and immediately tried MY best to make it work. He said it was too late and it just felt fake! I had turned to drinking to numb this horrible feeling of rejection. This did nothing.
After having lost my cool and acted out - traveling two hours to his work to confront him, threatening suicide (which was all for attention) and punching him, he left our home and the papers started coming. I knew my only choice- JESUS CHRIST, our Lord and Savior. I completely dove in. My Sunday school teacher said "die to yourself," only when you completely surrender, can you be complete. The Lord had been calling me for quite some time and I was never still enough to listen. I had to hit rock bottom so that I could look up to see the true answer - Jesus.
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?†Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:5-6
I went online and typed in "what do you do when your husband wants a divorce and you don't." The first thing I saw was rejoiceministries.org. I do not think it was coincidence that we spent one of our anniversaries in Pompano Beach either. I have been praying for standers, prodigals, and their families every day since. I read my Bible and talked to the Lord like never before. My job is to now do the Lord's work and spread His Word. My husband will see these acts and will come home one day.
“Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.†John 16:24
I was praying as my daughter and I were traveling down the highway. I was looking for my Covenant Transport truck with no success. I said, “Lord, I don't need a sign,†and what did I see as I was exiting the off ramp? My Covenant Transport truck! He is on our side!
..for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared. Proverbs 3:26
Keep praying! The Lord deserves all praise! I continue to pray for my husband, His salvation, and to treat him just as Jesus has treated me. Love him with all my heart! It is not MY time but in HIS precious time, HIS perfect will be done. We need to continue to pray for each other and remind ourselves to let HIM guide us in all we do. I truly believe my husband will come home but not because of what I have done, only because what our Lord and Savior has done!
Waiting on His time in Ohio,
Jillian
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
