You already have his forgiveness. You were forgiven over 2000 years ago when Jesus went to the cross and had the punishment of your sins put onto Himself. He carried all your sins, past present and future sins, died with them, and buried them. Now you need to repent and when you turn from Him again, repent again and continue. You do not need to beat yourself up, He does not beat you up. He wants you to follow Him.
The best way to change your circumstances around you and to have the people around you do some changing is found in this verse of the Bible, the Word.
**Proverbs 4:20-23 (ASV)**
20 My son, attend to my words; Incline thine ear unto my sayings.
21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; Keep them in the midst of thy heart.
22 For they are life unto those that find them, And health to all their flesh.
23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.
You, your flesh, your family will all be affected if "you" will make Jesus and God your main focus in life. Read the Word daily, especially the New Testament. Read it, memorize passages, speak passages aloud, meditate on the Words you have read. Sing praise songs, worship the Lord, And love others around you. Love them like Jesus does and says to do. When you do these things the people around you, your family, shall change. Keep your focus on Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit.
In the name of Jesus, I bless you with the life of God.