Lonegirl
Disciple of Prayer
Hi. I hate to selfishly ask everyone on here to pray for me, but I am desperate. Please. I'm emotionally unstable. I'm worried about my future so much, and what I will do if I become lonely beyond what is bearable. I was told that I have 'BDD' - not exactly sure if that's a 'real' disease or not, but that's what I was told. I have extremely LOW self-esteem and confidence, and I have a HUGEEE fear of people and speaking out because of negative reactions to me being myself and speaking my mind in the past. My fear of people and their reactions to me is so big that it's literally controlling and taking over my life, as much as I don't want to admit that, it's very true..... I'm so extremely lonely, and I feel like I will only be thrown into the fiery lake of hell once I die. Life has not been what I've expected from it all, that's for sure. I had huge plans and dreams as a child and none of those dreams come true. I just feel so sad and alone sometimes. I am thankful for my family, our health, and our safety, and the money that we do have (it's not much at all, but it's more than those starving in Africa, homeless, drinking dirty water, etc.) I thank God for these things every day, and I am extremely grateful for them. I fear that these things will be gone one day too, and I feel guilty being depressed when I have so much that I should be thankful for, but I'm just so lonely that I can't help it. I am trying my hardest to stay positive and be good but somehow life keeps seeming to bring me down. I'm 18 and I've failed at sooo many things, never had a boyfriend, I moved a year ago, and never made any friends, even though I used to have great friends before.... I'm home alone in my room all the time, terrible grades, afraid of the future. I have no real social skills either because I'm so incredibly shy now. I'm always a bit of an anxious, nervous wreck. I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want to be thought of as attention seeking. I'm just really sad, and I need God's help to overcome this. I NEED for Him to help me and bring better things down along the line for me, because so much feels so hopeless, and I NEED His help. I need him to love me. I'm not sure what to ask for specifically, so I just hope that someone on here will understand what I'm trying to say and hopefully be better with words than I am. Please, please. If you know what it is I should ask for, tell me. If you know what I need to pray for, please let me know. I don't want to fall apart. I cry more than a young, healthy girl like me ought to. I'm so selfish, and stupid, and I'm such a worthless piece of trash. I don't know what to do. I know God doesn't think this of me. I just feel this way about myself because I mess up everything, I'm so sinful, and I don't even know what I'm trying to ask for. I'm so confused and lonely. PLEASE - Just ANY prayers would be helpful. To anyone who takes time to read this... Thank you!
