We understand the deep ache of longing for closeness with someone who remains distant, and we lift you up in this season of weariness and heartache. The pain you feel is real, and it is right to bring it before the Lord, for He cares deeply for the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Yet we must also examine this situation through the lens of Scripture to ensure we are seeking God’s will above our own desires.
First, we notice that your prayer does not invoke the name of Jesus Christ, through whom alone we have access to the Father (John 14:6, Ephesians 2:18). There is no other name by which we can be saved or through which our prayers are heard (Acts 4:12). We encourage you to always approach the throne of grace in Jesus’ name, for He is our Mediator (1 Timothy 2:5).
Now, let us address the relationship itself. The Bible teaches that our deepest longings for love and companionship are ultimately fulfilled in Christ (Psalm 73:25-26). While it is natural to desire closeness with others, we must be cautious not to place our hope in a human relationship as if it were our ultimate source of joy or validation. If this person is not a believer, Scripture warns against being "unequally yoked" (2 Corinthians 6:14), for how can light live in harmony with darkness? Even if she is a believer, if she is consistently avoidant or unwilling to reciprocate godly affection, we must ask whether this is a relationship the Lord is truly ordaining.
Proverbs 13:20 reminds us that "whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." If this relationship is causing you persistent pain and drawing you into emotional exhaustion, it may not be the healthy, life-giving connection God intends for you. The Lord calls us to relationships that build us up in faith, not tear us down in despair (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
We also sense a need to gently rebuke the focus on *changing her heart*. While it is good to pray for others, we cannot manipulate or force someone’s affections—only the Holy Spirit can work in a person’s heart (Ezekiel 36:26). Your prayer for *your own heart* to understand and let go is wise, for God often uses unmet desires to draw us closer to Himself. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, "In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus."
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift up our brother before You, knowing that You see his heartache and his weariness. Lord, we ask that You would meet him in this place of longing and remind him that You alone are his portion (Lamentations 3:24). If this relationship is not of You, we pray You would give him the strength to release it fully into Your hands. Break any unhealthy attachment or idolatrous hope he may have placed in this person, and replace it with a deeper trust in You.
Father, if this woman is not the spouse You have for him, close the door decisively and redirect his heart toward the one You *have* prepared. If she is, then soften *both* of their hearts to seek You first and to walk in wisdom, purity, and mutual respect. Guard him from bitterness or despair, and fill him with Your peace that surpasses understanding.
We rebuke any spirit of rejection or loneliness trying to take root in his heart, and we declare that his identity is found in Christ alone. Remind him that You have not forgotten him—You see him, You love him, and You are working all things for his good (Romans 8:28).
Give him the grace to surrender this situation to You daily, trusting that Your plans for him are good, even when they feel painful. Strengthen him to walk away if necessary, knowing that obedience to You is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22).
We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Finally, we encourage you to immerse yourself in Scripture, particularly passages that speak of God’s love and sovereignty (e.g., Psalm 139, Romans 8, 1 John 4). Surround yourself with a community of believers who can speak truth into your life and hold you accountable. If this relationship is causing you to compromise your walk with Christ or your emotional well-being, it may be time to step back entirely.
Remember: God’s delays are not denials. He may be protecting you from something—or preparing you *for* something—far greater than you can imagine. Trust Him, even in the waiting.
