Help!

[bicyclingmike]

My life is such a ridiculous mess. There are too many things to explain as to why I have gone the way that I have but suffice it to say, I have. I am filled with a blackest darkness that is overwhelming! It controls every aspect of my life and drives me to places I know I should not be yet I crave the sin despite the risks and the fallouts. I have pushed away and ignored all those who love me including my own mother. I knew for years her health was failing and yet I never made an effort to call her regularly because of a child-like attitude within me that did not want to face accountability nor take the time to just listen. She had dreams and goals and things she enjoyed doing and I never once helped her to enjoy life a little more. I pursued drugs and a homosexual lifestyle. She has always been there and never condemned me but just encouraged me and told me she was praying for me. She sent me money once when she had none and I could have been fine without it. I just got the message I hoped would never come because I have been living in a fantasy thinking that I had forever. She is still alive but it is not looking too good as she is having a difficult time breathing and is having heart issues. She is sedated now and I was thankfully able to talk to her yesterday before they put her under. 

This request is duel. I have run from God because I am a sinner that worships the creature. God has revealed so much truth to me yet I never live it. I am such a failure and there is massive pain behind every word before your eyes. I need to repent and walk the path before me for God's sake, my mothers love, and my own salvation. My spirit is in jeopardy right now. I am deeply into a 30+ year pattern of homosexuality (introduced to me at an age a child should not know about sexual things) that has torn my life to shreds. I don't even know what to ask! I have wanted this gone for so long and it is far from that easy. I see how it has stolen, killed, and destroyed NOT just me but ALL those around me. It is not a private sin. Pray for my mom. Pray her prayers for me will be answered and pray for God to do His good and perfect will regarding her health. I do know one thing and that is that my mother was a Godly woman who had her issues like we all do and that there is a God who lives and wants us to break free from this delusion we are under so we can see one another in Heaven and that if I expect to see her again I better start living rightly. 

 

[caldoug]

I prayed for this. IJN, Amen.

 

[Rick1]

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Mathew 6:33).

 

[Isabelle11]

Praying for you and your mother (please stop condemning yourself thinking "you are a failure", we are worth better than the errors/sins we all do !)

 

[bicyclingmike]

Thank you so much for your kind and non-form reply sounding answer. That in and of itself means more than you can imagine. I am happy to inform all who prayed that my mom went through surgery earlier than expected and is doing well and I will be able to speak with her tomorrow. Also, I am listening to Bible teaching and not YouTube, Please keep me and my mom in your prayers.

 

[Shums]

 I prayed for this. In Jesus Name. Amen

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for giving us the privilege to pray on your behalf. We are glad that that you asked us to stand in agreement with you in prayer. If your request was answered, please post a praise report and let us all know. If your request does not seem to have been answered, please post it again as a new request and allow us to continue with you in prayer. We all hope that our prayers are answered in the way that we want. Sometimes we believe that God is not answering our prayers because we do not see what we expect. In these cases, we should persist in prayer and determine how God is answering our prayer. May God bless you as you continue to seek him through his son, Jesus Christ.