N
Nenya
Guest
Dear patient readers
More than ever, I’m in urgent need of prayer. And considering all profound wounds I’ve sustained, that’s saying a lot.
As God as my witness, I’m far from being promiscuous. I’ve always been unusually careful and alert when it comes to illness, even as a child. The only contagious disease that I'v ever gotten save cold/flu was mono (I shared water in martial arts due to being parched). While most of my friends were sexuality experimental, I managed to muster the courage to kiss on rare occasions. (Not wanting anything else)
However, years later, I wound up having unprotected intercourse with my current significant other who has the average record, which is to say fairly suspect at best. Now, I meet all but one criterion for the seroconversion of hiv.
Why the long explanation? Many people (sadly even many xtians) approach such situations with a sickening, "they deserved it" attitude. I’m not justifying a grave mistake, and I acknowledge that such a mistake is always a gamble regardless of how good a record you have.
But there's no need to pour sulphuric acid on an already gaping and fatal wound!!
I pray I get every other std under the sun if I must,(I probably deserve that) just not hiv.
I’ve always been a dangerously sensitive soul. I was a very precocious, loving, and wise child who felt safer in the company of adults due to perceiving other children as being emotionally crude and self-centred. I’ve developed a very severe psychological condition and another incurable health problem. They already make my life a living hell on a regular bases!! I’m 20, and yet I feel ancient. I’m weary with existential malaise and then some! I long for rest! For as long as I can remember, I never felt I belonged here.
Even as a child I always sensed something devastatingly askew about this earth. I’d behold the world and my soul would cringe. Upon my arrival here, I’ve done nothing but dream of leaving!! I’m not asking for a pity party to be thrown in my honour. Life is broken beauty at it’s finest, it’s nevertheless beautiful, and I wouldn’t mind enduring life with my present load. But I just can’t take much more. Even though I clearly don’t deserve it, if I prove to have this illness, I pray that God may be merciful, and promptly allow for my return to the only home I’ve ever felt I’ve truly had. I just don’t feel like being an uninvited guest in the ether. Also, please pray for my significant other as he really does have a beautiful soul. I just hope it won’t be hindered in any aspect given the circumstances. I pray that this experience may somehow serve him well and give him the wisdom, which I feel he lacks. I pray that this may enable me to acknowledge my own wisdom and to act accordingly!
Thank you all very much for your time!
Happy New Year!! God bless you all!
Sincerely, Ruth
More than ever, I’m in urgent need of prayer. And considering all profound wounds I’ve sustained, that’s saying a lot.
As God as my witness, I’m far from being promiscuous. I’ve always been unusually careful and alert when it comes to illness, even as a child. The only contagious disease that I'v ever gotten save cold/flu was mono (I shared water in martial arts due to being parched). While most of my friends were sexuality experimental, I managed to muster the courage to kiss on rare occasions. (Not wanting anything else)
However, years later, I wound up having unprotected intercourse with my current significant other who has the average record, which is to say fairly suspect at best. Now, I meet all but one criterion for the seroconversion of hiv.
Why the long explanation? Many people (sadly even many xtians) approach such situations with a sickening, "they deserved it" attitude. I’m not justifying a grave mistake, and I acknowledge that such a mistake is always a gamble regardless of how good a record you have.
But there's no need to pour sulphuric acid on an already gaping and fatal wound!!
I pray I get every other std under the sun if I must,(I probably deserve that) just not hiv.
I’ve always been a dangerously sensitive soul. I was a very precocious, loving, and wise child who felt safer in the company of adults due to perceiving other children as being emotionally crude and self-centred. I’ve developed a very severe psychological condition and another incurable health problem. They already make my life a living hell on a regular bases!! I’m 20, and yet I feel ancient. I’m weary with existential malaise and then some! I long for rest! For as long as I can remember, I never felt I belonged here.
Even as a child I always sensed something devastatingly askew about this earth. I’d behold the world and my soul would cringe. Upon my arrival here, I’ve done nothing but dream of leaving!! I’m not asking for a pity party to be thrown in my honour. Life is broken beauty at it’s finest, it’s nevertheless beautiful, and I wouldn’t mind enduring life with my present load. But I just can’t take much more. Even though I clearly don’t deserve it, if I prove to have this illness, I pray that God may be merciful, and promptly allow for my return to the only home I’ve ever felt I’ve truly had. I just don’t feel like being an uninvited guest in the ether. Also, please pray for my significant other as he really does have a beautiful soul. I just hope it won’t be hindered in any aspect given the circumstances. I pray that this experience may somehow serve him well and give him the wisdom, which I feel he lacks. I pray that this may enable me to acknowledge my own wisdom and to act accordingly!
Thank you all very much for your time!
Happy New Year!! God bless you all!
Sincerely, Ruth
Last edited:
