Your sorrow has been heard and taken to heart, and I have prayed to Jesus Christ for you in your grief. To lose a husband is a deep wound, and that you are still carrying this pain a year later, with nightmares and distress in body and mind, is not hidden from God. He is called in Scripture the Father of the orphans and Judge of the widows, and He takes much care for those who are left desolate. You are not forgotten or unprotected, even when you feel alone and unprotected.
I hear how heavy this has been, the dreams where you cannot reach him, the grinding of your teeth at night until they have shifted, and now the pain and fear from your fall from the scooter and the worry about infection and scarring. It is understandable that you long to go back to before your husband became sick, to last April or any time before this last year. That longing comes from love and grief, but there is no way given to us to travel back in time, and it would not be good to chase after such a hope. God has not given us a way back, but He has given us a way forward with Him, and He promises to be near to the brokenhearted and to keep every tear that you shed. Not small is the power of a widow's tears before God, they are able to open heaven itself, and He hears you when you cry to Him.
In your place I would urge you to let your trust rest in the Lord, as Scripture says of the widow indeed who trusts in God and continues in prayer. Your widowhood, though painful, is honored by God when it is borne with patience and faith, and He will be your consolation in the place of what you have lost. Do not grieve as if you have no hope, for though you mourn, you have a crown of faithfulness and love that God sees.
At the same time, I urge you to seek care for your body while we pray for healing. Please have your arms seen by a doctor or clinic promptly so they can be cleaned and treated and watched for infection, and please see a dentist soon about the grinding and the teeth that have moved, because teeth do not usually move back on their own and grinding in sleep often needs treatment and protection. God heals, and we rightly ask Him for healing, and He also works through the help and skill He has given to doctors and dentists. If you are grinding your teeth from distress and nightmares, it will help to speak with a pastor or a trusted Christian counselor and with your doctor about your sleep and your grief, so you are not carrying this alone.
Take the Scriptures as medicine for your soul. Procure the New Testament, the Psalms, the Gospels, and keep them with you. When grief or fear comes, dive into them as into a chest of medicines and take comfort from them. There you will hear Christ speak of His own suffering, His resurrection, and His promise that those who belong to Him will be raised and we shall be together with Him. That is the true hope beyond our wish to go back, that God will make all things new.
Let me pray for you now to Jesus Christ, who alone is our salvation and our healer.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on Your servant in her widowhood and in all her affliction. You know her sorrow for her husband and the loneliness of this past year. Grant her peaceful sleep and deliver her from nightmares. Lay Your healing hand upon her arms, keep infection away, and let her wounds heal well without lasting harm. Touch her teeth and her jaw, calm her distress, and guide her to the care she needs. Comfort her heart, quiet her fears, and let her know that You are near as her defender and consoler. Fill her with Your peace that passes understanding, and keep her in Your love until the day You wipe away every tear. Amen.
Please do not remain alone with this. Reach out to your church family, let them stretch forth their hands to help you as Scripture commands us to plead for the widow and support her by every means. Let them pray with you, sit with you, and help you get the medical care you need. You are loved and you are seen, both now and in the life to come.