We hear the deep cry of your heart, and we are moved with compassion for the suffering you have endured—yet we also rejoice with you in the work God is doing to refine you through fire. Your words reflect a spirit that, though broken, is turning to the Lord in humility and trust. This is beautiful in His sight. You have named the abuse, the fear, the repentance, and the longing for purpose—all of which are steps of faith in the hands of a God who *sees* you (Genesis 16:13) and who *collects every tear* in His bottle (Psalm 56:8). You are not forgotten, nor are your prayers falling on deaf ears. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you (Philippians 1:6).
We praise God with you for the progress you’ve made—walking away from abusive relationships, recognizing your worth in Christ, and surrendering your ambitions to His will. These are *victories*, not failures. The enemy would have you believe your life has been wasted, but the Lord redeems all things. What was meant for harm, He will use for good (Genesis 50:20). Your pain has not been in vain; it has driven you to the only One who can truly heal you. As you said, your dependence *is* worship—and that is a fragrance pleasing to God.
Yet we must gently address something critical: you mentioned "my crippling mental condition" and the need for medication. While we absolutely affirm seeking medical help (Luke 5:31, 1 Timothy 5:23), we urge you to pair this with *spiritual warfare*. The Bible tells us our struggle is not merely against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces (Ephesians 6:12). Anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and the lingering effects of abuse often have *both* physical *and* spiritual roots. We encourage you to:
1. **Renounce any lies** you’ve believed about yourself (e.g., "I am worthless," "I will always be broken"). Speak aloud: *"I reject these lies in Jesus’ name. I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and Christ has set me free (Galatians 5:1)."*
2. **Bind the spirit of suicide** in Jesus’ name (Matthew 18:18). Declare: *"No weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). My life belongs to God."*
3. **Invite the Holy Spirit** to fill the empty places (Ephesians 5:18). Ask Him to replace fear with peace (John 14:27), despair with hope (Romans 15:13), and shame with dignity (1 Peter 2:9).
You are *not* defined by your past or your struggles. You are a child of God (1 John 3:1), called to *thrive*, not just survive. The fact that you are planning to study psychology is evidence of His redemptive plan—He may use your pain to equip you to help others (2 Corinthians 1:4). But be cautious: human wisdom alone cannot heal the soul. Anchor your studies in *Scripture*, or they will leave you empty. *"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding"* (Proverbs 3:5).
Regarding your visa and move, we declare with you: *"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me"* (Psalm 138:8). He has *already* opened doors—this is no accident. Stand firm in faith, but release the outcome to Him. If delays come, they are not punishments but opportunities to deepen trust. Remember Joseph: even in prison, the Lord was with him (Genesis 39:21). Your "sudden cancellations" do not catch God by surprise.
We also celebrate your growing discernment about relationships. You wrote, *"I do not need that many people around me to not feel lonely"*—this is *truth*. Loneliness is not the absence of people but the absence of *God’s presence*. He is enough (Psalm 73:25-26). Yet He also places us in *His family*, the Church. Your prayer to return to church is vital. *"Let us not neglect meeting together"* (Hebrews 10:25), for iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). Ask the Lord to lead you to a *biblically sound* body of believers who will walk with you in this season.
Now, let us pray over you:
*Heavenly Father, we lift up Your beloved child before Your throne of grace. You see every wound, every tear, every moment of betrayal and fear. Lord, we ask for *supernatural intervention* in their move to [location redacted]. Let no weapon of delay or attack prosper (Isaiah 54:17). Open doors no man can shut (Revelation 3:8), and provide every resource—financial, emotional, and spiritual—for this transition. Give them favor with immigration officials, wisdom in logistics, and divine connections in their new home.
We bind the spirits of fear, anxiety, and hopelessness in Jesus’ name. We break every curse of abuse, rejection, and self-hatred that has clung to them. Holy Spirit, flood their mind with *Your truth*: that they are *chosen* (Ephesians 1:4), *loved* (1 John 4:10), and *called* (2 Timothy 1:9). Heal the deep places, Lord—restore what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). Give them *sound sleep* (Psalm 4:8), *clear thoughts* (2 Timothy 1:7), and *unshakable peace* (Philippians 4:7).
For their studies, Lord, we ask for *divine wisdom* (James 1:5). Let every lesson glorify You. Guard them from secular ideologies that contradict Your Word. Use their story to bring *light* to others trapped in darkness (Matthew 5:14).
Father, we thank You for their repentance. Where they cannot even *see* their sin, reveal it gently and grant them grace to turn from it. Create in them a *clean heart* (Psalm 51:10). Teach them to *forgive* their abusers—not for the abusers’ sake, but for *their own freedom* (Matthew 6:14-15). Let bitterness find no foothold.
For finances, we declare: *"My God will supply every need of theirs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus"* (Philippians 4:19). Provide jobs, scholarships, or unexpected blessings. Let them *not* be anxious, but cast every care on You (1 Peter 5:7).
Lord, surround them with *godly community*—people who will speak life, not toxicity. If they struggle to find a church, lead them to one that *preaches Your Word without compromise*. Let them encounter Your love in tangible ways.
Finally, we plead the blood of Jesus over their mind, body, and spirit. Protect them from addiction, self-harm, and the enemy’s lies. Let them *see* the future You have for them—one of hope, not harm (Jeremiah 29:11). When suicidal thoughts arise, let them *immediately* cry out to You, and send Your angels to minister to them (Psalm 91:11).
We thank You, Lord, for hearing our prayers. We trust You to act, for You are *faithful* (2 Thessalonians 3:3). In the mighty name of *Jesus Christ*, our Savior and Redeemer, we pray. Amen.*
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**A word of exhortation:** You wrote, *"If You want to keep me crippled, let it be."* Beloved, this is not God’s heart. Jesus came to *heal* the broken (Luke 4:18), not leave them in bondage. Do not romanticize suffering—it is a tool for refinement, not an end goal. The Lord *delights* in your wholeness (3 John 1:2). Press into Him for *complete* restoration.
Also, you thanked God for suicidal thoughts as a means to understand others. While He can use *all* things for good (Romans 8:28), we must be careful not to glorify pain. Suicide is the enemy’s lie that life is not worth living—*but Jesus is Life itself* (John 14:6). When those thoughts come, *fight* with Scripture. Declare: *"The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but Jesus came that I may have life *abundantly*"* (John 10:10).
Lastly, you are *not* wasting God’s gift of life. Every breath is purposeful. Even in waiting, you are *preparing*. Trust His timing. *"For everything there is a season"* (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
Stand firm, dear one. The best is *yet to come*.
"‘Our Father in Heaven, May Your Name be kept Holy.
