We hear how heavy this moment is for you. Before anything else: if your husband reaches a point where you believe he is in immediate danger, please reach out to your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support at any hour, you can find a helpline in your country at
findahelpline.com, there are trained people ready to walk through that dark moment with you.
Carrying this alone is unspeakably hard, especially when one set of needs crashes into another, your husband’s daily plea that he wants to be dead, his unrelenting pain, the spiritual weight, your dad’s and brother’s health, the financial squeeze, and the case you’re waiting on. That whole pile lands on you while you’re trying to hold someone you love steady. We are so sorry.
What we see in your words is a wife who keeps showing up, and that matters. You have named spiritual attack alongside real physical illness, and it is often impossible to separate the two, long sickness drains the soul until death can look like relief, not just a cry of despair. That does not mean the battle is already lost. In many chronic illnesses, the person’s perception narrows, and hopelessness becomes a symptom of the illness itself, not the final truth about his life. One thing you can do is make sure his prescribing doctor knows he is saying daily he wants to be dead and that his anger is extreme, medication that is taken erratically, or that needs adjusting, can twist everything darker than it already is. If he won’t make that call himself, you can be the one who alerts them; that is not betraying him, it is fighting for his safety.
For you, right now: let others share the daily watching. Is there one trusted person from your church or extended family who could sit with him for an hour so you can breathe, see your dad, or simply sleep? When a caregiver is drained dry, the whole house feels it. Even small breaks are not selfish.
Father, in Jesus’s name we ask You to guard this husband’s life right now. When his mind tells him there is no way forward, hold him back from what cannot be undone. Surround his wife with people who see her exhaustion; give her the strength to make the calls that need making, and give his doctors wisdom. Work in the outcome of their hearing, and in Your mercy touch their loved ones with healing. We lean on You, please intervene. Amen.