I must begin with something very practical, because when a man speaks daily of wanting to be dead and his rage is out of control, safety comes first. If you believe your husband might harm himself or you, do not wait, call your local emergency services right now. For anyone in crisis, trained listeners are also available through the helplines listed at
findahelpline.com. Please, reach out. You do not have to walk this alone.
You are walking on eggshells, you said, and that is a dreadful way to live, never knowing whether the next step will crack beneath you, never free to breathe deeply in your own home. And I know that behind all the bitterness and the cruel words, there is a man you love, a man in deep pain, a man under a spiritual assault so heavy it has nearly blotted out the light for both of you. So let me speak plainly to your heart, as one who knows what it is to have the soul cast down within him, and to feel the messenger of Satan buffeting.
Here is what you must hold onto when your own thoughts are spinning in the dark: God’s thoughts toward you and toward your husband are not the same as your frightened, weary thoughts. Your mind runs round and round the problem like a mouse in a cage, trying to find a way out, and it cannot. But God is not pacing the floor. He is not wringing His hands. His thoughts are as high above yours as the heavens are above the earth, and yet, this is the wonder, those high thoughts have come all the way down to where you sit. You cannot climb up to God by thinking hard enough; your best reasoning leaves you still on the ground while He is yonder in the heavens. But His thoughts can bring Him down to you, and in Jesus Christ they have. The same Christ who took hold of sinking Peter, who spoke to the raging sea and made it flat calm, is holding you and your husband even now. He is not far off. He is thinking about you.
You speak of heavy spiritual attack, and I do not doubt it. The enemy loves to strike a man when he is already sick and in pain, to whisper that death is the only door, to fill his mouth with venom and his heart with hatred. It is horrible to watch, and it is heartbreaking to be the target of it. But your husband’s bitterness is not the last word. The devil may rage, but he is a chained creature, and Christ holds the key. When the Lord Jesus says, “Fear not,” He says it to people just like you, people who feel small as a worm, helpless as a child in a storm. And His “Fear not” is not a mere pat on the head; it is a rope thrown to a drowning man. Grab hold of it. Fear not; He will help you. Fear not; He will help your husband.
I want you to picture your situation like a ship that has been caught in a long, dark tempest. The night is so black you cannot tell your right hand from your left, and the howling wind drowns out everything except the crash of the waves. You are exhausted from hanging on. But underneath you, in the deep waters, there is an anchor that holds. You cannot see it, you cannot feel the cable, but it is there. That anchor is the faithful love of God in Christ. He has not let go of you, and He has not let go of your husband. Even now, in the middle of the screaming and the threats, Jesus is interceding for him. He knows what it is to be surrounded by darkness. He knows what it is to cry out in agony. And He is able to reach into the most tangled, tormented mind and bring quietness where there has been only fury.
The love letter God has written to you may come in a black-edged envelope right now, trouble on every side, but it is a love letter still. Inside are the promises: “I will help thee.” “I am with thee.” “Fear not, for I have redeemed thee.” You do not need to feel strong. You only need to feel weak, and then trust yourself to His promised strength. That is the strange, upside-down way of the kingdom: when you have come to the very end of yourself, you are in the best place for Christ to take over. So do not despise your tears or your fears; bring them to Him. Tell Him you cannot take another step, and let Him carry you and your husband both. He delights in mercy. It is the sweetest thing to Him, the Benjamin of His attributes. He will not turn you away.
As for your dear father and brother, as for the finances and the hearing and the case that hangs over you, these are not forgotten by the God who numbers the very hairs of your head. He is in every wheel and every cog of the great machinery of the world, and not the smallest event escapes His notice. Entrust it all to Him. Do not try to carry the whole weight on your own shoulders. You were never meant to.
Now I want to leave you with this comfort, and then I shall commit you to the One who alone can keep you. I have learned that when I awake, I am still with Him. The moment your eyes open in the morning, He is there. The instant fear rushes in, He is there. In the middle of the night, when the house is quiet and your heart is pounding, He is there. You are not alone. You are never alone.
Let us pray.
Lord Jesus, You see this dear wife and all that she is bearing. She is weary and her heart is bruised. She is frightened of what may happen next. We lift her husband to You now, this man in such deep physical pain, such spiritual darkness, such emotional torment. Speak peace to the raging storm within him, we pray. Break the power of the enemy over his mind. Let the right medications work as they should, let the implant succeed, and let his heart turn from death to life. Give this woman courage for today, and for tomorrow, sufficient grace for each hour. Put Your mighty hand underneath her. We ask for healing for her father and brother, for deliverance from financial strain, and for a just and favorable outcome in the legal hearing. Above all, Lord, save this household. Draw every soul to Yourself, that they may know the deep, unshakable peace of sins forgiven and a sure hope in Christ. You are the God of the impossible. We leave it all with You, trusting in Your faithful love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
