He Wants To Have His Cake And Eat It Too

[kristie]

The following is from a previous conversation with someone who is asking,

Can my spouse have their cake and eat it too?

...my husband was calling me .. he told that he wanted to come over to spend some time with me ... after 1:00 a.m. ... I asked him what is he coming over for? He replies because he can and that he wanted to spend some time with me. I am no fool, I know what he wanted to come over for ... I am not going to allow him to come over my house that late at night to do what? Our son is sleep, I have to go to work and what is the point? I know that there is no point, I just want God to make it plain for me and to allow him to stop trying to play with me. ...

I can only think of one reason he would come over, and if that is the reason I wanted to caution you that you should not refuse him. It is even scriptural.

1Co 7:2 But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband.

1Co 7:3 A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs.

1Co 7:4 A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.

1Co 7:5 Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control.

If you do not keep this area of your marriage intact, trust me, Satan will move right in that door as well and you will find yourself dealing with an adulteress which makes things much worse in this battle. Even if there is one already, do not deny him, he is coming for a reason and obviously it is not just sex if he is obtaining that elsewhere already. I can tell you that them coming around for that, is God working, preserving that area at the least. Some may tell you to not do so, especially if they are sleeping with another or others, as you need to protect yourself from diseases, but I believe with all my being that God keeps a covering of protection over us anyway, and I think I am a pretty good example of how He does.

He would rather you preserve that area and keep the door of adultery closed, and if open already..pushing to close it. We need to just be obediant to His word, even when they are out, probably especially so then. God will handle the rest. You cannot take a tough love stand in this battle against your marriage, it will fail you if you try. This is a unconditional love battle, and that is what wins the battle. You are not fighting your spouse, you are fighting satan and his demons.

Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Your husband is not the enemy, he is being held captive by the enemy. Your battle is to take him back from the enemy with Gods help. This is why we love them unconditionally and have to bite our tongues and eat some crow. The person you see doing and saying bad things looks like your husband, but trust me, it is not. Satan is doing and saying all those bad things to you, your husband is suppressed below the surface, and you need to remember that the way to bring him back up and out is through love. Love will drive the demons away from him and it will set him free. Knowing who your enemy is a key thing in this, and it is not your husband but the one who has him bound up in chains right now. Love him loose.

Also click the following topic for a more in depth teaching related to this subject:

Submitting To Your Spouse Sexually

God bless....

Kristie

 

[kristie]

You know I understand fully what you are saying Kristie, but emotionally I can not handle it. ... It just feels like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I know for a fact that he is sleeping with other women, why subject myself to all that? ...

Actually we are bound by the Scripture I gave to you. No where in Scripture does it say that if your spouse is in adultery that you are released from that word.

Above and beyond that though, I have been walking through this battle for five plus years and I know from God personally that He wants us to maintain the physical relationship with our spouse if that is an option, meaning if they are willing and seeking it. We are not to deny them, as His word states.

It was kind of unsettling at first and I was questioning God as to why. And, do I have to? And He firmly told me yes, that it was His way of keeping the marriage bed pure at the time. But if I had not done so, there would have been an adulteress in no time and the situation would have gotten worse. When an outsider enters into the situation, your battle becomes twice as vicious and hard, and long. So we need to keep all doors shut, and keep them coming to us if able.

God bless..

Kristie