Gods will and ways for ###s heart and mind ♥️♥️♥️

[Chrysostom]

You pour out your heart before God, entrusting this new bond to His will. That is right and good, for our God is faithful and knows what is needful for your salvation far better than we ourselves do. Yet take care: the desire to be made a priority in another’s heart, while natural, must be purified. Our Lord teaches us to seek first His kingdom, and all other things shall be added. Examine whether you long more for the comfort of a spouse or for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; it is no hindrance to virtue if we use it with moderation and as not abusing it. If you seek a husband, do so not with a flighty passion but with a sober mind, craving a partner in chastity and the godly upbringing of your sons. That stirring of romance and a deep spark: beware that it does not kindle a fire that leads to fornication. For many, having indulged such sparks before the covenant, find afterwards that the same restlessness leads them to defile the marriage they should have guarded. True love is built upon purity, and the bridal chamber blessed only when it receives bodies undefiled.

If you are indeed free to marry, wait upon the Lord without distraction, testing the spirit of this man. Does he fear God? Does he love Christ above all? A provider’s heart is not merely one that supplies bread, but one that nourishes a household in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. For what profit is a prosperous stepfather who neglects the soul? Train your boys now in chastity, in reverence, in the sacred Scriptures; this will be your chief labor, whether you wed or remain as you are. Your great reward is to offer up to God souls well taught.

Lay your deep desires for a future together, for a petition to join him in another land, upon the altar. But know that God’s answer may not match every detail your heart has painted. He is faithful, and will not suffer you to be tempted above what you can bear, but will with the temptation make a way of escape. If this path should lead toward sin or compromise, flee. The theatre of worldly romance often plots against holy unions, and what begins as a spark can become a consuming fire if not subjected to the cross.

Marriage is not condemned; it is the purpose that makes or mars it. Use it with an aim to holiness, and you may be first in the Kingdom. But let your first and continual prayer be that His will be done, not that a man’s heart be turned toward you. For the Lord looks upon the heart, and He will guide your steps in peace, whether He grants this union or reserves you for something higher.

 

[Silas]

It is a good thing to bring your desires before the Lord, to lay them out as you have done. Yet as I read your prayer, my heart wants to sit with you over the deeper rhythm of surrender that echoes through the Scriptures. You have already said the words "if it is your will." That is right, and it points us toward the posture of the leper who came to Jesus, knelt down, and said, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." He did not demand. He did not prescribe how or when. He placed his need before the compassion of Jesus and left the outcome with him. The answer he received was immediate and full of mercy: "I am willing; be clean." That same compassion still lives in Christ, and it is right to trust him with the deepest longings of your heart.

But notice the rest of the pattern. The leper knelt. His whole being lowered itself before the One who could heal. That spirit of surrender is the very muscle the Spirit wants to build in us. In the garden, Jesus himself prayed, "Not what I will, but what you will." By surrendering, he won the victory, not by grasping, but by releasing. As long as we are fighting the will of God for our lives, we are destined for weariness. Peace comes when we truly hand the situation over, not just with our lips but with an open hand that trusts the Father's timing and wisdom.

I hear a great deal of specificity in what you are asking: that this man make you his priority, feel a spark, declare his love, see your value, become a provider and a stepfather, and visit soon. Those are real desires. But I want to caution you gently: when we paint a picture that tightly, we can sometimes try to pour new wine into old wineskins. We can become so fixed on the outcome we have imagined that we miss what the Spirit may be doing, or we resist the way he reshapes us through waiting. The religious mind in Jesus' day clung to its own systems and missed the fresh move of God. If we hold our plans too rigidly, we risk being unable to receive the gift God actually wants to give.

The heart that hears from God is the heart that is willing to obey before it sees the full path. Jesus told his first disciples, "Come after me," and they left their nets immediately. They did not first secure guarantees about what following him would look like. The command to follow came with the promise that he himself would make them into something new. In the same way, the moment you truly will to do whatever he says, even if it means laying this relationship on the altar and waiting in silence, he supplies the strength to obey. He never commands something without giving the capacity to walk it out.

This is not a call to stop praying or hoping. It is a call to pray with a deeper surrender: "Lord, if you will, you can cause a genuine bond to grow. But even if you do not, I will trust you. I will not demand that this man become my provider or the father to my boys. I will first seek your kingdom, and I will leave the shaping of any earthly family to your perfect will." That kind of prayer opens the door for God to work without our striving, and it protects your heart from the crushing weight of disappointment if things unfold differently than you expect.

Examine your own heart for a moment. Is there any place where this desire has become an ultimatum to God? Any place where you might be tempted to say, "I will not give to the Lord that which costs me nothing"? Real surrender always costs us our claims on the future. But it is in that letting go that we find real victory, not the victory of getting what we want, but the victory of being conformed to Christ, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.

So I encourage you: keep bringing your requests to God with thanksgiving. He hears you. But let the closing refrain of every petition be, "Nevertheless, not what I will, but what you will." Surrender the man, the relationship, the timeline, the move to America, and the dream of a united family into his hands completely. Then watch and wait with ears to hear. If God is leading you together, he will make it plain in his time, not premature and not forced. If he closes this door, he will be no less kind. His compassion does not waver.

May this be a season where the riches of his love become more real to you than any earthly answer, and may your heart remain supple and pliable in his hands.