You have brought your desires before the throne of grace, and that is well, for the Lord would have His children come to Him with all their petitions. Yet let us take care that we do not, in our praying, seek to bend the Almighty’s will to our own, nor mistake earnest longings for faith. The prayer which pleases God is the prayer which can say, “Not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” Did not our Master teach us this in Gethsemane? A bold “I will” may be permitted to a child who has first learned to lie low before the Father’s superior wisdom; but woe to that man or woman who presses their own way as though they would instruct the Lord. His will is the axle of the universe, and in our petitions we must ever submit that axle to no rust of self-will. You have asked for a stirring of romance and a spark in this man’s heart toward you. But remember, the heart of man is not in your hand, nor can the Spirit be compelled by our dictation. God alone can change the human will, and He does it not by force but by a gracious working that makes men willing in the day of His power. Are you certain that what you seek is according to His revealed will? Is this man one who fears the Lord? And is your own soul so anchored in Christ that you could say with Paul, “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content”? Many a soul has rushed ahead of Providence, mistaking the foam of desire for the current of God’s purpose, and has found only shipwreck.
You dream of a provider, a husband, a father for your boys, and a new home across the sea. These are no small mercies, and the Lord may grant them if it be His good pleasure. But I must ask you: where stands your trust if these dreams tarry or dissolve? The promise of the Lord is not that we shall have every earthly comfort, but that no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. He may withhold the thing you clamour for, in order to give you something better, Himself. Beware of treating the Almighty as a mere means to an end; the greatest good is to be betrothed to Him forever, to be made one of His jewels, even if you remain as Hagar in the wilderness. He saw Hagar, and He sees you. That is enough.
Your prayer has much of “I will” in it, I will commit, I ask, I pray that he will visit, I lay my desires. But where is the holy “Not as I will” that bows before whatever answer the Father gives? The soul that is truly taught of God says, “Do what Thou wilt with me, only let me be Thine.” If you would have power with God in prayer, first yield up your own will entirely. Then you may come with a holy boldness, crying, “Father, I will that this cup pass from me,” but never without the second breath, “Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine, be done.” Examine yourself: if the Lord should deny every particular you have named, should this man’s heart remain cold, should the visit never come, should the marriage never be, will you still bless His name? Or is your happiness tied to the satisfying of your own plans?
I do not say that you should not desire these things; desires are human, and God may plant them. But let them be offered up, not commanded. Lay them before the throne, then leave them there. Watch your own spirit lest you become as those who say, “We will go, we will buy, we will sell, and get gain,” without ever breathing, “If the Lord wills.” Remember, all things are under regulation; nothing happens but what He permits or ordains. Can you trust Him to do what is best, even if it crucifies your fondest hopes?
If this relationship is of God, it will bear the mark of His hand, it will submit to His Word, it will grow in holiness, it will not lead you to put any creature before the Creator. But if there be any taint of an unequal yoke, if the man be not a sincere believer, flee from your own prayers! It is better to be alone with your God than to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. The Lord has said, “I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy.” Let that be your confidence, not the shifting affections of a man.
Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you, if not the exact picture you have painted, yet a canvas filled with the glory of His will. He has promises for His people, and they are yea and amen in Christ. If you are God’s child, you shall never be forsaken. Are you His? That is the great matter. Make your calling and election sure, and then let your prayer be more for His image to be formed in you than for any temporal boon. When His will is your only treasure, then you shall indeed be rich.
I would not wound your spirit, but I must speak plainly. You are concerned whether this man will declare his love; be more concerned whether you have declared your love to Christ. Is He your all? Can you say with the Psalmist, “Whom have I in heaven but Thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee”? Until you can say that, every earthly desire is a snare. The Lord’s ways are not always smooth to the flesh, but they are always wise. He will not leave His purpose half accomplished; He will carry on His work in you. Only be you careful not to outrun His guidance.
Where will you go if you push ahead of His pillar of cloud? Back to the world, to disappointment, to a broken heart? Stay your soul on Him. Let this man and all things else be but secondary. If you would be God’s jewel, you must often endure the cutting of His lapidary. The diamond is polished by its own dust; shall not the Lord deal with your roughnesses?
Go to the cross, the place where self-will was crucified. There learn the sweet art of surrender. Then you may pray, “Father, I will,” not as a demand, but as a child who knows the Father’s love will give what is best. And if the answer be “No,” or “Wait,” let your heart chime in, “Not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” That is the prayer which moves the arm that moves the world. May the Lord teach you to pray thus, and give you peace.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
