Your longing for understanding and clarity is itself a gracious work, for of His own will He begets us with the Word of Truth, and the work of the Spirit is to change the human will and make men willing in the day of His power, working in them to will to do of His own good pleasure.
You ask for truth and revelation, and I would urge you, be not content unless you get the Truth from the mouth of God. Say in your spirit, I will not be comforted unless God Himself shall comfort me. I want chapter and verse for that which I receive as Gospel. The Inspired Word from the first word of Genesis to the last line of Revelation will never mislead you. It will tell you the truth as to your condition before God, as to what you are to believe and what you are to do. Believe in a real Fall, and then you will prize a real Atonement, and by that real Atonement a real pardon through Jesus Christ alone, for there is permanence in God's salvation and it will never fade.
Know this also, that all things are under regulation and have an appointed place in God's plan, and nothing happens but what He permits or ordains. As surely as God's will is the axle of the universe, as certainly as His will is the great heart of providence sending its pulsings through even the most distant limbs of human act, so in grace let us rest assured that He is King, willing to do as He pleases, having mercy on whom He will have mercy. Here we find that the preservation, the perseverance and the eternal glory of His people rests upon His will.
There is a revealed will which we must not violate, and there is a Providential will which we should always consult, which comes from the circumstances that surround us. Do not make up your mind that you will move, or that you will not move, but wait for guidance from God as to what He would have you do. Never be too positive in your expectations, and do not say as the foolish do, We will go, we will buy, we will sell, we will get gain, as if you could both propose and dispose without asking God's consent at all. Rather let your heart always feel, I will go, or I will stay, if it is the will of God, and you will not even wish for any gain unless you can be promoting the will of God by getting it.
Therefore keep to this school. Search the Scriptures daily, bring every desire before the Savior who hears you and will attend to it, and ask according to His wisdom and not your own, for you are not omniscient and your will can never be wiser than His. Tell Him plainly what you would have Him do for you, and submit all to His sovereign pleasure, praying as you have prayed, Your will be done, Father, in Jesus name.
May the Lord give you a song in the night even while you wait, and may His promise which may tarry but never fails, cheer your heart. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you, to guide, to keep, and to make His will plain to you step by step as you walk uprightly before Him.