BrokenNthestorm
Disciple of Prayer
I need God so bad. I've been separated from my husband since November. It was a very emotionally abusive relationship. The sad thing is I've been in physically abusive relationships & they can't hold a torch to the pain I felt in this emotionally abusive one. I'm so lost. Part of me doesn't know if I need to try and get back with him, the other part is tired of being abused & thinks that's not healthy. I'm so lost & confused. I don't know which direction to go, I'm hurt, damaged, and feel no love. My mind is a swirl of chaos, & I need God. I need his direction, his loving arms around me, his healing, his wisdom. I need protection as well. I feel weak like vulnerable prey. I've been so hurt that sometimes the faintest nice gesture from someone can make my heart leap. I have to be careful & guard my heart. I don't want to throw myself at anyone, or a new relationship. I need healing. I need God, I need his direction before I start any paths. Yet at the same time I'm scared, and feel like I'm bleeding out in need of something to stop the pain. Pray for his Love to envelope me, his direction to be overwhelming clear, healing, protection from others and myself, and just pray for whatever else he knows I need and I'm too broken to see. I feel like I'm holding on by a thread, tossed by the wind, & don't know how to make it end. Then I try to come up with a way so I stop getting beat down and it just detours me worse. I need real solutions that only come from God. I need healing of my heart too. Bc while my brain knows God is the only one that can heal and comfort, my lonely heart's cries and says I need a hug and I can't feel your hug, how can I be comforted and I can't feel you. It's sinful but true. Please pray for me. I hurt SO bad. Like a fighter who's been beat down so much that he doesn't know if he can get back up, and even they could they don't know what they'd do to prevent getting knocked right back down and being bloody again. Please pray for me.
