God what have I been doing?

Hungry4love357

Servant of All
God this is not me.  I got crushed by peer pressure.  I got to a deep state of depression and started drinking heavily, so heavily I threw up three times.  I did not want my cousin to think I was less than a real man, so I slammed a bottle of whisky and starts talking garbage. But I knew it was not right.  I lied through my teeth, said I had sex with women, and stuff like that to impress him, but I lost who I am Christ.  I don't feel like there's a chance of redemtiom. I am a virgin and I get hell for it.  I was hoping my friend would talk to me today but I did not hear anything from her, and I got so depressed.  I just don't handle emotions well.  I wish I could meet a girl that truly and geinuienly cared about me.  But nothing changes.  I need to stop living in sin, but I won't repent.  I can't.  I need help repenting.  I need a mirical.  Otherwise I am a dead soul.  God, please forgive me, and please help me stop drinking, and stop looking at porn.  Please lord.  I pray this in your name, Amen.
 
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