Psalm 139
Humble Prayer Warrior
Dear Prayer Partners,
Thank you for the reminders to check in on this website to post and pray for others. For the last few years, I have done nothing but be angry with God, complain, cry, scream, pout. I had good reason to. I lost a 20 year job, I almost lost my condo, my (serious) health issues increased, no money in the bank, rat and mouse infestation, leaky condo. The problems went on and on and on. The last straw was when the power got turned off and I didn't have the money to pay the bill. I decided I was ready to just end my life. I thought about hanging myself from the sprinkler system in my condo and looked for a rope after researching how to commit suicide on YouTube. I didn't have a rope and no money to buy one. I looked up a suicide hotline number on the internet and spoke to a rep. there. They sent two women out within two hours. I sat at my table and waited and cried my eyes out. This was in May/June of this year. I received counseling, medication, classes. I am still in the high risk program and making slow but steady progress. Fast forward to Dec. first. Very few things have changed in my situation, but I did start attending services, bible study and women's classes. As I said the high risk program helps. I still feel angry with God sometimes but my friends, family really helped me. I know that this was God's doing. I don't know if I will ever feel the same way about God and that scares me because before all of this happened, I thought my relationship with God was strong and unbreakable. Well, I don't feel that way anymore. I feel that I am on very shaky ground in my relationship with The Lord, but I still pray, go to bible study, prayer meeting and women's group. I sometimes make a list of blessings vs. issues and my blessings are always much, much more. I know that this is all God's doing and I want to thank him. For those of us suffering with depression or other mental illness, don't give up. I really don't believe that God will LET you give up. He did not give up on ME, even when I was ready to check out. Finally, I wish all of us a wonderful holiday season and that 2018 is a much better year than this one. Thank you for reading and God bless you.
Thank you for the reminders to check in on this website to post and pray for others. For the last few years, I have done nothing but be angry with God, complain, cry, scream, pout. I had good reason to. I lost a 20 year job, I almost lost my condo, my (serious) health issues increased, no money in the bank, rat and mouse infestation, leaky condo. The problems went on and on and on. The last straw was when the power got turned off and I didn't have the money to pay the bill. I decided I was ready to just end my life. I thought about hanging myself from the sprinkler system in my condo and looked for a rope after researching how to commit suicide on YouTube. I didn't have a rope and no money to buy one. I looked up a suicide hotline number on the internet and spoke to a rep. there. They sent two women out within two hours. I sat at my table and waited and cried my eyes out. This was in May/June of this year. I received counseling, medication, classes. I am still in the high risk program and making slow but steady progress. Fast forward to Dec. first. Very few things have changed in my situation, but I did start attending services, bible study and women's classes. As I said the high risk program helps. I still feel angry with God sometimes but my friends, family really helped me. I know that this was God's doing. I don't know if I will ever feel the same way about God and that scares me because before all of this happened, I thought my relationship with God was strong and unbreakable. Well, I don't feel that way anymore. I feel that I am on very shaky ground in my relationship with The Lord, but I still pray, go to bible study, prayer meeting and women's group. I sometimes make a list of blessings vs. issues and my blessings are always much, much more. I know that this is all God's doing and I want to thank him. For those of us suffering with depression or other mental illness, don't give up. I really don't believe that God will LET you give up. He did not give up on ME, even when I was ready to check out. Finally, I wish all of us a wonderful holiday season and that 2018 is a much better year than this one. Thank you for reading and God bless you.
