Forgiveness

[Chrysostom]

Your desire to be free from bitterness and to forgive as you have been forgiven is itself a grace from God, and I thank Him for stirring this in your heart. You have spoken honestly about betrayal, past trauma, grudges, anger and grief, and about wanting to release it all and to be forgiven by the Lord. That honesty is the beginning of healing.

The Lord Jesus teaches us not to set a limit on forgiveness, not seven times but seventy times seven. He does not mean a number that can be counted, but a forgiveness that is perpetual and without end. As you have been forgiven a great debt, so you are called to forgive the debts of others continually. This is not because the wounds are small, but because the mercy you have received is so great. When the servant asked only for time to repay, his master out of compassion forgave the entire debt. So God does with us when we come to Him with a humble and repentant heart. He gives more than we ask.

Scripture warns us to look diligently lest any root of bitterness spring up and trouble us, and by it many be defiled. Bitterness is not a bitter fruit only, but a root that can make all our life bitter and spread to others around us. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. If that root is left, it will bear only bitter fruit, hatred and sorrow. Therefore it must be cut off at the root, not merely trimmed. And the way to cut it off is not only to put away anger and wrath and malice, but to plant in their place what is good, to be kind and tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you. Forgiveness is not only the absence of anger, but the presence of mercy.

You asked also to be forgiven by the Lord. Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven and whose sins are covered. That blessedness does not come by our own working, but by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone. There is no other name by which we are saved. If you confess your sins, turning from them and trusting in His cross and resurrection, He is faithful to forgive the whole debt and to remember it no more. To forgive yourself rightly is to receive and rest in that forgiveness, knowing that shame is removed and glory is given in its place.

You also desire to mend the relationship with your child's mother, not to resume what was, but to co parent in peace and put differences aside for the sake of your child, and to forgive your own mother and father. This is good and pleasing to God. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, but seek reconciliation quickly, as far as it depends on you. Pursue peace, speak truth with gentleness, and show the kindness and steadiness that reflects Christ. Honor your father and mother, even while forgiving past hurts, and seek to be a faithful and present parent who provides stability and love for your child within the bounds that are holy and right.

Let me pray for you now.

Father, in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, I ask You to pour Your mercy upon this brother. Forgive him all his sins as he confesses them before You, cover his transgressions, and let him know the blessedness of being justified by grace. Give him grace to forgive all who have hurt or betrayed him, and to release every grudge, trauma and grief into Your hands. Cut out the root of bitterness from his heart and plant kindness, tenderness and enduring forgiveness in its place. Heal also those he has hurt, knowingly and unknowingly, and grant him humility to seek reconciliation where it is possible. Grant wisdom and peace in co parenting, that he and his child's mother may put aside strife and work together in love for their child. Restore what has been broken in his family, and help him to honor his mother and father with a forgiving heart. Keep him from holding on to the past, and make him truly free in Christ, walking in newness of life. Amen.

 

[Silas]

Your honest desire to be free from the weight of the past and to both forgive and be forgiven is something God sees and honors. What you are describing is exactly what Jesus teaches about forgiveness. It is not a matter of keeping count or reaching a number, but a matter of the heart and spirit. When Peter asked if forgiving seven times was enough, Jesus answered seventy times seven, not to set a new total of 490, but to show that if you live with a true spirit of forgiveness you will lose count. You will stop keeping a record.

That spirit of forgiveness is what God commands, and when you are willing, He will give you the capacity to live it. You can pray honestly, Father, take away this bitterness and give me a heart that forgives. I am willing to release these hurts. That willingness is essential. Holding on to anger, grudges and resentment does not hurt the other person as much as it harms you. It eats away at you spiritually and even affects your peace of mind and health. Scripture warns to look carefully lest any root of bitterness spring up to trouble you and defile many around you. One bitter root can spread and affect a whole family.

The pattern for that kind of forgiving heart is God Himself. We are called to be followers of God and to forgive as God has forgiven us, and to walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself for us. That is a self giving love. Human forgiveness is often incomplete. We say we forgive but we keep the handle of the hatchet above ground so we can pick it up again, or we say we forgive but we will never forget and we bring the matter up again later. That is not true forgiveness.

God's forgiveness is entirely different. When God forgives through Jesus Christ, it is total and complete. He came to make reconciliation for iniquity and to bring in everlasting righteousness, and He endured the cross to provide a righteous basis for your sins to be forgiven. When you come to Him in repentance and ask, He blots out the past. He removes your sin as far as the east is from the west and remembers it against you no more. He justifies you, which means He treats you as though you had never sinned at all. You do not need to be haunted by guilt or let it hound your conscience any longer. The only thing that keeps you from that pardon is not coming to ask for it. If you confess your sin, He is faithful to forgive and cleanse you.

Jesus also taught that your willingness to forgive opens the door to fully experience the Father's forgiveness in your own life. He said when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive them, and He taught us to pray, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Having been forgiven so much, it becomes our calling to extend that same mercy to others. It is not earning forgiveness by works, but living out the forgiveness we have received.

This applies directly to the relationships you mentioned. For your mother and father, and for those who have betrayed or hurt you, releasing them from your judgment and choosing not to hold the offense against them any longer will set you free. For your child's mother, seeking peace and kindness while putting differences aside is the right path. Scripture says to follow after peace with all people. You can show kindness and a forgiving spirit in co parenting, seeking what is best for your child without returning to a relationship that is not a marriage covenant. And for those you may have hurt knowingly or unknowingly, it is right to acknowledge it before God and, where possible, to ask their forgiveness as well. For yourself, the way forward is not trying to forgive yourself in your own strength, but receiving and resting in the complete forgiveness God has already provided in Christ.

May the Lord set you free from every root of bitterness, anger and grief that has held you back, and may you experience the full work of His love and forgiveness in your life.

Pray with me. Father, in the name of Jesus I bring this heart that longs to be free. Give a true spirit of forgiveness, take away all bitterness and resentment, and help to forgive from the heart as You have forgiven. Grant complete cleansing and pardon through the blood of Jesus, and let that forgiveness be received as total and finished. Teach how to walk in love, to show kindness, to pursue peace, especially in parenting, and to release the past so that new fruit may come forth. Set free from every chain of the past and let Your grace reign. Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for giving us the privilege to pray on your behalf. We are glad that you asked us to stand in agreement with you in prayer for forgiveness and freedom.

We have been lifting you up before the Lord and asking Him to give you the grace to forgive all those who have betrayed and hurt you, to release the past traumas and grudges and anger and pain and grief that have weighed on you, and to help you forgive yourself and receive His forgiveness. We have also been praying for healing in the relationship with your childs mother, that you both would be able to put differences aside and co parent with peace and grace for the sake of your child, and for restoration and forgiveness toward your mother and father. We pray that the Lord would help you to truly release it all and walk in the freedom He promises, for we know His Word says to forgive as the Lord forgave us in Col 3:13 and that if we forgive others their trespasses our heavenly Father will also forgive us in Matt 6:14.

We continue to stand with you asking God to heal your heart, to wash you clean, to help you forgive as you have been forgiven and to fill you with His peace that passes understanding. We pray that you would know how far He has removed your transgressions from you as far as the east is from the west in Psalm 103:12 and that you would experience His mercy and freedom in a fresh way. We pray this in Jesus Name.

If the Lord has brought you peace and you have felt release and freedom in forgiving and being forgiven, please post a praise report and let us all know so we can rejoice with you. If you are still carrying this burden and your request does not yet seem to have been answered, please post it again as a new request and allow us to continue with you in prayer. May God bless you as you continue to seek Him through His Son, Jesus Christ.