You are forgiven of all that you have done. You were forgiven over 2000 years ago when Jesus went to the cross as you. Now that you know you are forgiven, repent( which means to change your ways of doing things)and continue on with your life in the way God wants you to do, and be.
God does not want you to be destroyed by your carnal desires and impulses so He will most likely not send a female your way. He loves you toooo much, and He loves the female toooo much to allow the two of you to destroy each other. God wants you to be a man the way God wants you to be a man. You cannot expect a woman to hold you up all the time, which it seems you want her to do. A general in an army does not depend on his personnel staff to hold him up all the time. When the general is killed, the army usually becomes a defeated army. In effect, the army is dependent up by the general. God shows you how to be that man of God He wants you to be, in the Bible, His Word, His instruction manual for achieving a fulfilled and satisfying life. It is not a Book of "don't do this, and don'd do that". Yes, a woman can prop you up many times, but she also wants to lean on you for strengthening her.
The best way to change your circumstances around you and to have the people around you do some changing is found in this verse of the Bible, the Word.
Proverbs 4:20-23 (ASV)
20 My son, attend to my words; Incline thine ear unto my sayings.
21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; Keep them in the midst of thy heart.
22 For they are life unto those that find them, And health to all their flesh.
23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.
You, your flesh, your family will all be affected if "you" will make Jesus and God your main focus in life. Read the Word daily, especially the New Testament. Read it, memorize passages, speak passages aloud, mediate on the Words you have read. Sing praise songs, worship the Lord, And love others around you. Love them like Jesus does and says to do. When you do these things the people around you, your family, shall change. Keep your focus on Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit.
In the name of Jesus, I bless you with the life of God
God loves you very very much. He is good, all the time.