We join you in prayer before our Heavenly Father and we hear the deep longing in your heart for faith, love, and a marriage that is established by God and honors Him. We thank God that you desire to choose your courtship in Him, to forsake any other arms or entanglements, and to be a blessing to the man you love. That desire to be set apart for one another is good, and we pray God will strengthen it and purify it according to His will.
We also must lovingly speak truth to you about what you have confessed, that you chose to have sex with him and offered your body to him before an official wedding, believing that saying you are married between the two of you and God is enough. Scripture is clear that this is not marriage in God's eyes, and that sexual intimacy outside of a covenant marriage is fornication. We must rebuke this while also extending grace, because God calls us to flee sexual immorality, not to embrace it in the name of love. Hebrews 13:4 says Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled, but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Genesis 2:24 says Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will cling to his wife, and they will be one flesh. Marriage is a public covenant of leaving and cleaving, a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman before God and witnesses, not a private declaration while continuing in courtship. Even other sexual acts outside of marriage defile the bed and need repentance. We urge you both to repent and to turn from this, for 1 John 1:9 promises If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God's blood through Jesus Christ does cover and cleanse when we come to Him in true repentance, and His grace also teaches us to live holy lives set apart for Him.
We see your heart to be healed and to see him healed from the hurt of his past engagement as a teenager, with the lingering ties of a car in her name and the pain of cheating and breaking up and coming back together. The Lord can heal those deep wounds and untangle what was broken. Psalm 147:3 says He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. We pray that during this time of separation you both will pursue purity and allow God to do a cleansing and renewing work in every part of your lives. Psalm 51:10 says Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. 2 Corinthians 7:1 says let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. This season can be used by God to build depth and faith that is not based on physical intimacy but on Christ.
We encourage you, if this man is a believer in Jesus Christ and you both are equally yoked, to pursue a godly marriage in the proper way. Courtship should have the goal of marriage to another Christian believer, and that marriage should be entered into honorably, with counsel, with family and with the church body, making vows before God. If you plan to be engaged in November, let that be a commitment to prepare for a holy wedding covenant and to abstain from sexual intimacy until that covenant is made. 1 Corinthians 7:2 says but, because of sexual immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Ephesians 5:3 says But sexual immorality, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you, as becomes saints. Forsaking friendships that would pull you away from this godly commitment is wise, and choosing to be first for one another after God is right when it is done within God's design.
We pray together now for you both.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before You and we lift up this daughter and this son to You. We thank You for their desire for faith and love and for a marriage that is Yours. We ask for Your forgiveness where there has been fornication and for private vows that were not Your covenant. Wash them in the blood of Jesus, cleanse them, and give them grace to turn and to flee from all sexual sin and to walk in purity. We ask You to heal his heart from the wounds of his past relationship, to release him from emotional ties and lingering entanglements, and to heal her heart as well. Purify them in every atom and every cell as she has prayed, renew their minds, restore their souls, and fill them with Your unconditional and holy love. Teach them to love richly and deeply and freely within Your boundaries. If it is Your will for them to be married, make that path clear, provide godly counsel, and establish their marriage in heaven and on earth in the proper covenant before You and witnesses, so that when they come together it is holy and undefiled. Give them faith, self control, and joy while they wait, and use them to bless one another and to bless Your name. We ask that You help them to seek first Your Kingdom and to trust Your timing for coming together as one. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to bring this before a trusted pastor and to walk in accountability, to set clear physical boundaries now, and to pursue official marriage if God confirms this is His will for a lifelong union between you as a man and a woman. God is able to refresh, renew, and heal completely when we walk in His light.
