This week, it began to seem that God was directing me to seek reconciliation with an ex. This person didn't reach out to me (we actually had each other blocked everywhere) but through a series of events, it just started to seem that God was leading me to try to fix things with this ex. Please pray for clarity for me and that God would make it clear if He wants me to do this. I wish God would even do something like cause this ex to randomly come back to me himself for reconciliation because that would be the clearest indication to me to move forward. Especially since the relationship with this ex was not the best and I'm struggling with hurt over certain things he did (and I also hurt him as well). Thank you.
Ex
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We have heard your request for clarity about whether God is leading you to seek reconciliation with your former boyfriend and we are joining with you in prayer for wisdom and discernment.
We understand how confusing this can be when a series of events makes it feel like God is directing you in a certain direction, especially when there is still hurt on both sides and when you have each other blocked and have had no direct contact. We want to gently encourage you to test what you are sensing against Scripture and to seek wisdom rather than relying on circumstances or feelings alone. Jeremiah 17:9 says The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt, who can know it. And Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. God does give clarity, but He does so primarily through His Word, through prayer, and through godly counsel, not merely through coincidences. James 1:5 promises But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. Psalm 32:8 also gives comfort where God says I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go. I will counsel you with my eye on you.
We also want to help you distinguish between forgiveness and reconciliation to a romantic relationship. Scripture calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven, Ephesians 4:32 says And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you, and Romans 12:18 says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Forgiveness is always God's will and is needed for your own healing from the hurt you described. Reconciliation to the point of resuming a courtship is a different matter and must be weighed carefully in light of biblical principles. We believe courtship should be with the goal of marriage between a man and a woman to another Christian believer, and that marriage is a lifelong covenant that honors God. 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity. Or what fellowship has light with darkness. So we encourage you to ask, is this man a born again believer in Jesus Christ, and would a restored relationship be centered on Christ and moving toward godly marriage, or would it be repeating patterns that were not healthy or honoring to God. If there was sexual intimacy outside of marriage in that relationship, we must lovingly address that as well, for 1 Corinthians 6:18 says Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. If that occurred, repentance and a commitment to purity going forward would be essential before any consideration of rekindling a romantic relationship.
We also gently caution against setting a test for God such as waiting for your ex to randomly come back as the only sign you will accept. While God can certainly bring someone back, seeking a dramatic sign can lead to disappointment or misreading His will. It is better to seek His will through prayer, Scripture, and wise counsel from mature believers or a pastor who knows you, rather than waiting for a specific event to happen.
We noticed your request speaks of God but does not mention Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your trust fully in Jesus Christ for salvation, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, and to bring every decision, including this one, to God in His name.
We are praying together for you now.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one to You. We ask that You grant clear wisdom and peace that surpasses understanding. If reconciliation in any form is Your will, make Your path straight and unmistakable through Your Word and godly counsel, and if it is not Your will, give the grace to release this and to walk in forgiveness and healing. Heal the hurt that remains from words and actions on both sides, and teach what forgiveness looks like while also giving discernment about boundaries. Guard this heart from deception and from leaning on feelings or circumstances alone, and lead toward relationships that honor You, toward a godly marriage if that is Your plan, built on purity, faith, and mutual love for Christ. Help to seek You first above any relationship, as Matthew 6:33 says But seek first God's Kingdom, and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
We encourage you to continue to pray, to dwell in Scripture daily, to seek counsel from a trusted pastor or mature Christian woman or man, and to not rush to break boundaries such as being blocked everywhere until you have clear, biblically confirmed direction and peace. God is faithful to lead you as you seek Him wholeheartedly.
We understand how confusing this can be when a series of events makes it feel like God is directing you in a certain direction, especially when there is still hurt on both sides and when you have each other blocked and have had no direct contact. We want to gently encourage you to test what you are sensing against Scripture and to seek wisdom rather than relying on circumstances or feelings alone. Jeremiah 17:9 says The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt, who can know it. And Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. God does give clarity, but He does so primarily through His Word, through prayer, and through godly counsel, not merely through coincidences. James 1:5 promises But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. Psalm 32:8 also gives comfort where God says I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go. I will counsel you with my eye on you.
We also want to help you distinguish between forgiveness and reconciliation to a romantic relationship. Scripture calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven, Ephesians 4:32 says And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you, and Romans 12:18 says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Forgiveness is always God's will and is needed for your own healing from the hurt you described. Reconciliation to the point of resuming a courtship is a different matter and must be weighed carefully in light of biblical principles. We believe courtship should be with the goal of marriage between a man and a woman to another Christian believer, and that marriage is a lifelong covenant that honors God. 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity. Or what fellowship has light with darkness. So we encourage you to ask, is this man a born again believer in Jesus Christ, and would a restored relationship be centered on Christ and moving toward godly marriage, or would it be repeating patterns that were not healthy or honoring to God. If there was sexual intimacy outside of marriage in that relationship, we must lovingly address that as well, for 1 Corinthians 6:18 says Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. If that occurred, repentance and a commitment to purity going forward would be essential before any consideration of rekindling a romantic relationship.
We also gently caution against setting a test for God such as waiting for your ex to randomly come back as the only sign you will accept. While God can certainly bring someone back, seeking a dramatic sign can lead to disappointment or misreading His will. It is better to seek His will through prayer, Scripture, and wise counsel from mature believers or a pastor who knows you, rather than waiting for a specific event to happen.
We noticed your request speaks of God but does not mention Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your trust fully in Jesus Christ for salvation, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, and to bring every decision, including this one, to God in His name.
We are praying together for you now.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one to You. We ask that You grant clear wisdom and peace that surpasses understanding. If reconciliation in any form is Your will, make Your path straight and unmistakable through Your Word and godly counsel, and if it is not Your will, give the grace to release this and to walk in forgiveness and healing. Heal the hurt that remains from words and actions on both sides, and teach what forgiveness looks like while also giving discernment about boundaries. Guard this heart from deception and from leaning on feelings or circumstances alone, and lead toward relationships that honor You, toward a godly marriage if that is Your plan, built on purity, faith, and mutual love for Christ. Help to seek You first above any relationship, as Matthew 6:33 says But seek first God's Kingdom, and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
We encourage you to continue to pray, to dwell in Scripture daily, to seek counsel from a trusted pastor or mature Christian woman or man, and to not rush to break boundaries such as being blocked everywhere until you have clear, biblically confirmed direction and peace. God is faithful to lead you as you seek Him wholeheartedly.
We hear how confusing this has been, wanting to honor God but also carrying real hurt from how things ended on both sides. It makes sense you are asking for clear direction before you do anything, especially when you are still blocked everywhere and that distance itself is telling you something.
One thing that has helped others in this place is remembering that working toward forgiveness and considering reconciliation are not the same thing. You can bring your part and his part to God and allow healing to happen in your own heart even while a relationship stays separate. Reconciliation, if it is to be healthy, needs both people willing, honest about what happened, and committed to rebuilding trust over time, not just a momentary reconnection.
When guidance feels unclear, it often helps to slow down rather than look for a single dramatic sign. We have found it useful to pray specifically for wisdom and for God to open or close a door in a way that respects both of your boundaries, to talk it through with one trusted pastor or mentor who knows your story, and to notice whether the desire to reach out is growing out of peace and healing or out of pressure to resolve the pain quickly.
Father, in Jesus name we ask You to give our sister clarity and calm as she seeks You. Heal the places still sore from this relationship, show her what forgiveness looks like day by day, and lead her step by step according to Your will. Guard her heart and his, and help her rest in Your care while You make the next step clear. Amen.
One thing that has helped others in this place is remembering that working toward forgiveness and considering reconciliation are not the same thing. You can bring your part and his part to God and allow healing to happen in your own heart even while a relationship stays separate. Reconciliation, if it is to be healthy, needs both people willing, honest about what happened, and committed to rebuilding trust over time, not just a momentary reconnection.
When guidance feels unclear, it often helps to slow down rather than look for a single dramatic sign. We have found it useful to pray specifically for wisdom and for God to open or close a door in a way that respects both of your boundaries, to talk it through with one trusted pastor or mentor who knows your story, and to notice whether the desire to reach out is growing out of peace and healing or out of pressure to resolve the pain quickly.
Father, in Jesus name we ask You to give our sister clarity and calm as she seeks You. Heal the places still sore from this relationship, show her what forgiveness looks like day by day, and lead her step by step according to Your will. Guard her heart and his, and help her rest in Your care while You make the next step clear. Amen.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your request has been brought before the Lord, and we have heard both your desire for His clear direction and the pain that remains from what has passed between you and this former companion.
It is a gracious thing that you wish to walk in the way of forgiveness. The Scripture declares, There is forgiveness with Thee, that Thou mayest be feared. That forgiveness is not a bare hope but a certainty with God through Jesus Christ His Son. He not only forgave at the first all our sins, but He continues daily to forgive, and that forgiveness is complete and eternal, the record of debt being nailed to the Cross. If you know your own need of such mercy, take it to Christ by faith, and know that the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. He never plays fast and loose with those He pardons.
And because we have received so much manifest forgiveness, we are called to a joint work of mutual forgiveness, forgiving one another even as Christ forgave us. This pattern is gloriously ennobling, for revenge is paltry but forgiveness is great minded. To forgive as Christ forgave is to forgive freely, fully, and from the heart, not because the offense was light but because Christ has dealt so lovingly with us. Yet mark this well, that forgiveness in the heart before God and reconciliation to a former manner of life are not the same thing. You may and must forgive, while wisdom still asks whether the Lord would have you resume what was before, especially where there has been hurt on both sides and where the path was not ordered according to His holy design for marriage as a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, with purity kept within it.
You speak of impressions and a series of events that seem to point one way, and of a wish for a sign in the unblocked return of this person. We would gently counsel you not to build your guidance upon such impressions or upon the seeking of a sign. The Word of God is the sure lamp to our feet, and the Lord most often makes His will clear through Scripture faithfully applied, through settled prayer, and through the counsel of mature and godly believers who know you and can speak plainly to you. Impressions can mislead, and a heart that still carries wounds can easily mistake longing for leading.
Healing and forgiveness are placed in happy conjunction in Christ. The leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and even the least thing about Christ has healing virtue to change the life and make the nature other than it was before. Seek first that healing for your own soul, that you may not say, I am sick, but may know the pardoning hand of God which brings health with it.
Let us pray for you now.
O Lord our God, with whom there is forgiveness, we bring this soul before Thy throne of grace. Thou knowest the hurt that has been given and received, the confusion that now presses, and the longing for clarity. Grant repentance where it is needed and faith to lay hold on Christ for full and present forgiveness. Pour out Thy healing virtue upon this wounded heart, that bitterness may not remain and that love may not be feigned. Grant wisdom that comes from above, that Thy will may be discerned not by signs sought after but by Thy Word, by Thy Spirit, and by wise counsel. Keep this life in purity and in obedience to Thy holy way, and order every step according to Thy perfect will and for Thy glory. If any future path with another is to be trodden, let it be only in holiness, with accountability, and in a manner that honours Thy name. Above all, cause this heart to rest in Christ, in whom there is forgiveness and healing now at this moment. Amen.
Wait upon the Lord, continue in prayer, open His Word daily, and seek the counsel of faithful believers near you. Trust not to sudden impressions, but to the steady light of Scripture, and the Lord who delights to guide the humble will make His way plain in due time.
It is a gracious thing that you wish to walk in the way of forgiveness. The Scripture declares, There is forgiveness with Thee, that Thou mayest be feared. That forgiveness is not a bare hope but a certainty with God through Jesus Christ His Son. He not only forgave at the first all our sins, but He continues daily to forgive, and that forgiveness is complete and eternal, the record of debt being nailed to the Cross. If you know your own need of such mercy, take it to Christ by faith, and know that the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. He never plays fast and loose with those He pardons.
And because we have received so much manifest forgiveness, we are called to a joint work of mutual forgiveness, forgiving one another even as Christ forgave us. This pattern is gloriously ennobling, for revenge is paltry but forgiveness is great minded. To forgive as Christ forgave is to forgive freely, fully, and from the heart, not because the offense was light but because Christ has dealt so lovingly with us. Yet mark this well, that forgiveness in the heart before God and reconciliation to a former manner of life are not the same thing. You may and must forgive, while wisdom still asks whether the Lord would have you resume what was before, especially where there has been hurt on both sides and where the path was not ordered according to His holy design for marriage as a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, with purity kept within it.
You speak of impressions and a series of events that seem to point one way, and of a wish for a sign in the unblocked return of this person. We would gently counsel you not to build your guidance upon such impressions or upon the seeking of a sign. The Word of God is the sure lamp to our feet, and the Lord most often makes His will clear through Scripture faithfully applied, through settled prayer, and through the counsel of mature and godly believers who know you and can speak plainly to you. Impressions can mislead, and a heart that still carries wounds can easily mistake longing for leading.
Healing and forgiveness are placed in happy conjunction in Christ. The leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and even the least thing about Christ has healing virtue to change the life and make the nature other than it was before. Seek first that healing for your own soul, that you may not say, I am sick, but may know the pardoning hand of God which brings health with it.
Let us pray for you now.
O Lord our God, with whom there is forgiveness, we bring this soul before Thy throne of grace. Thou knowest the hurt that has been given and received, the confusion that now presses, and the longing for clarity. Grant repentance where it is needed and faith to lay hold on Christ for full and present forgiveness. Pour out Thy healing virtue upon this wounded heart, that bitterness may not remain and that love may not be feigned. Grant wisdom that comes from above, that Thy will may be discerned not by signs sought after but by Thy Word, by Thy Spirit, and by wise counsel. Keep this life in purity and in obedience to Thy holy way, and order every step according to Thy perfect will and for Thy glory. If any future path with another is to be trodden, let it be only in holiness, with accountability, and in a manner that honours Thy name. Above all, cause this heart to rest in Christ, in whom there is forgiveness and healing now at this moment. Amen.
Wait upon the Lord, continue in prayer, open His Word daily, and seek the counsel of faithful believers near you. Trust not to sudden impressions, but to the steady light of Scripture, and the Lord who delights to guide the humble will make His way plain in due time.
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