Johnny Lee
Disciple of Prayer
Everythings falling apart in my life, my husband has end stage COPD and is fighting cancer with radiation and he hurts so bad. My two beautiful service dogs are hurting, my one started having troubles a few weeks ago with her hind legs and back and now suddenly can barely move. I'm trying to get her into a therapist and praying for God's healing and that he will make her better again because I just can't let her go yet and her sister will not make it without her here in life as they are so attached. My Mom passed in my arms back in January of 2018 and since then it's been downhill, we lost all our earthly things, our car, our furniture and even our bed, we live in a weekly rental in one of the worse areas of Las Vegas. I prayed and worked so hard with God this past year to keep us safe from the virus and we made it with his help and some common knowledge. But now it's like we have come so far, we survived, but now all of this. I've asked the Angel of Death to come for me before God sends him to take my husband and my dogs. I just can't take it no more, today I started putting forward my plan, not Satan's plan but my plan, today I took two blood pressure pills instead of one and tomorrow I will take three and on and on until I'm gone. We don't have the finances for all of this, for euthanasia, for cremation of the girls or my husband. But with me dead there will be plenty since I have a life insurance policy on myself. I realize that if I go through with this, I will spend eternity in Hell, but just like Christ sacrificed himself for me and my family, I too will sacrifice myself to save my family even if it means eternal hell. My mind and heart and soul can't take it no more, no one to talk to, to hang with, no family that cares, no one to help with things. We live in the slums, I walk through urine and feces and garbage, I hear gun fire every night, I try to help the homeless when I see them by getting them a coffee or whatever they need, I even have one guy that has knocked on our door a couple of times to ask if I can walk with him to get him a coffee. But no matter how much I try to be good, things just keep getting worse and worse and I'm so scared about my dog and her hind quarter and I'm so scared about my husband as he nearly died at the same hospice my Mom passed away at. I can't take it no more God, I can't take it, I want to go home, I want peace, I'm not Job from the Bible that can keep going through one sorrow after another. I pray, I cry, I give what I can which is sometimes taking away from my own family to give to others. But I'm broken, I'm terrified and I need to be released. I love you God more than anything or anyone, I really hope you help my dog get better and my husband, my blood and soul for them, I don't just want them I need them, without them here on Earth I am alone except with your spirit. I'm tired now God, I'm tired, I'm just very very very tired. ###
