Hanna123
Disciple of Prayer
A situation occurred around 1.5 years ago when I met a guy at church who professed to be a lover of Jesus and I started seeing him for a bit. However, in private, his indecency grew. I ended up being in situations that I didn't want to be in after already telling him no and I don't want to, and I don't like that. The following morning when I tried to bring it up, he joked about getting ‘me-too’d’. I was confused and conflicted at this reaction and withdrew or just felt kind of numb and silenced. When I told him I was not feeling stable or assured about our relationship, he listened and was supportive and told me to seek counselling and perhaps talking to the women's ministry team at church. As I came to a conclusion of agreeing that I should, he suddenly interjected saying that he wanted to be there too. I was confused as I wanted to talk in private with the women or a counsellor of my choice. His reasoning was that he didn't think I would be able to communicate the situation between he and I correctly… there were many more other things that happened. After 2 months I blocked his contact and haven't talked to him since. I'm still processing as my body is in shock still. However, I'm feeling so sick and hopeless about what's happened and feel like death/oppression is overcoming me as I keep recalling how he violated my body on multiple occasions. I'm so sad. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I want to cry but the pain is so much I feel I'm just going to faint if I think about it. Please don't tell me to just go talk to someone or take it to court. I already have told a counsellor but I briefly mentioned it as it's taken me this long to voice it and when I did tell her one month ago, she said it was called sexual violence. Even naming it is too much for me to bear. I'm just barely surviving. I really need Jesus to intervene here. I feel like my brain is going to explode from the indecency and violation on my body. I know there's PTSD as well. I just need Jesus. Please. Thank you.