Don't know what has happened to me!

[Ashaeltorath]

I can't believe how everything has come down to this. Why has God abandoned me? I was abandoned upon birth to fend for myself in a hostile, hateful, chaotic, and extremely toxic family. And I've been abandoned now to figure everything out on my own and fix it all with nothing to work with.n I've been living in a motel room for 2 years now. That's where many people end up before they die! I hit ### next week. I have a broken down car again and it has to be inspected to get my new tags. I am financially drained. I remembered that someone I work with will be buying my e/bike next week (can't ride it 20 miles down the interstate to work). But, lo and behold, she texted me tonight saying she can't buy it. It figures. There's another false hope. Haven't been able to drive my car since March - five months now! I haven't been to my post office box since June because I have no car to get there. Without a car I can't get to work. Without work I don't get a paycheck. Without a paycheck I can't pay my bills. If I can't pay my bills, that means I get kicked out of my room. If I get kicked out of my room, I have nowhere to go - and even if I did, I don't have a car to get there. I can't even load myself up into a car so I'd lose everything I have in the my motel room. Not only that, I will lose what I have in my storage unit, then I won't be able to get stuff out to put up for sell.
Where is God?! Why does He ignore my cries? What have I done to make Him not love me?! I've become so helpless. I can't save myself from this plight, no one can, and there aren't any angels to save me from my fall. If God has decided I'm not worth it, then why doesn't He kill me? Is it because punishment is more painful than death? Or, is it because the family scapegoat/sacrifice must live longer than the others as the family proxy for the family's sins? I don't know what to think, believe, or pray anymore. Everything I was taught in church and believed has changed. I had no idea that a seemingly great and timely move in my life would eventually be my undoing. I had no idea it would kill me. But, death is the only way this will stop, the sooner the better, because the slow dying part hurts worse. The depression, extreme anxiety and stress, bipolarism, desperation, brokenness, and helplessness have paralyzed and shut me down. I'm all prayed out. Believing in the impossible is naive and the Bible says God does not love the naive. I need help but praying doesn't bring any. Churches do not help those who do not belong to their church. In order to get any help from the state or county, I have to be an illegal alien - I know, because I've tried. ALL the people who work in the social services offices are Hispanic. Hmm, I wonder if they're here legally. This is something no one is talking about, but should be. Well, happy ### birthday! It might as well be my day of death because I've been dying from within for so long now. My time has run out and it's about time for it, whether by natural means or other.

 

[Articles]

We hear the depth of your pain, and our hearts ache with you. The weight of abandonment, first by family, now by circumstances, has left you feeling utterly alone, as if even God has turned His face away. But we want you to know this: He has not. The psalmist cried out in despair, too, asking, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" (Psalm 42:9). Yet even in that darkness, God was near. You are not forgotten. You are not forsaken.

The cycle you describe, no car, no work, no hope, feels like a prison without escape. It’s not just physical exhaustion; it’s the crushing weight of believing you’re unseen. But Scripture tells us, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). Your pain is not a sign of His absence; it is the very place where He draws closest. The enemy wants you to believe this is the end, but God specializes in turning ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61:3).

You asked why God hasn’t killed you yet. Beloved, it’s not because He delights in your suffering. It’s because He has a purpose for you, one that the enemy has tried to steal through despair. Jesus said, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10). That life isn’t just eternal; it’s a life of meaning now, even in the struggle. The fact that you’re still here, still fighting, still crying out, that is evidence of His mercy. He is not punishing you. He is holding you.

We must rebuke the lies that have taken root in your heart. You wrote, "Believing in the impossible is naive, and the Bible says God does not love the naive." That is not true. Jesus Himself said, "With God, all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). The Bible does not condemn hope; it commands it: "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful" (Hebrews 10:23). The enemy wants you to stop believing so you’ll stop fighting. But we declare over you: Your hope is not in vain.

You also mentioned feeling like a "family scapegoat," carrying sins that aren’t yours. That is a demonic assignment. Jesus bore all sin on the cross, yours, your family’s, the world’s. You are not their sacrifice. You are a child of God, redeemed by the blood of Christ (1 Peter 1:18-19). The enemy has lied to you, telling you that your worth is tied to what you can do or how much you suffer. But your worth was settled at Calvary. You are loved because of who God is, not because of what you’ve done or endured.

Now, let us address the practical. You are in a desperate situation, and we do not take that lightly. But we also know that God often works through His people. Have you reached out to local churches, not just for help, but for community? Many have benevolence funds or partnerships with ministries that assist with transportation, housing, and job placement. We encourage you to call or visit churches in your area, even if you’re not a member. Explain your situation and ask if they have resources or know of organizations that can help. James 2:15-16 says, "If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and filled,' without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?" True faith acts. Let others act on your behalf.

For your car, have you contacted a local mechanic to see if they offer payment plans or discounts for those in need? Some ministries, like Wheels for Work or Cars for Hope, provide low-cost or donated vehicles to those in crisis. Even if you can’t drive right now, getting it inspected and legal is a step toward regaining mobility. And for your e-bike, have you tried listing it on local buy/sell groups or offering it to a church or charity in exchange for a tax receipt? Sometimes God provides in unexpected ways.

We must also speak to the bitterness in your heart toward those who seem to receive help while you struggle. It’s understandable to feel frustration, but harboring resentment will only poison your spirit. Jesus said, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you" (Matthew 5:44). That doesn’t mean what’s happening is right, it means your heart is too precious to be hardened. Ask God to soften your heart toward those who’ve failed you, including social services workers. Pray for them, even if it’s through gritted teeth. It’s not about them; it’s about your freedom.

And to the deeper ache, the one that whispers, "I’m all prayed out", we say this: Prayer is not a vending machine where you insert requests and receive answers. It’s a lifeline to the Father who already knows your needs (Matthew 6:8). You don’t have to perform or impress Him. You just have to come. Even if all you can muster is, "God, I don’t know if You’re there, but I need You," that is enough. He hears the groans of your heart (Romans 8:26).

You also mentioned feeling like everything you believed in church has changed. That’s the enemy’s tactic, to make you doubt the very foundations of your faith. But the Word of God does not change (Malachi 3:6). What has changed is your perspective, and that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes God allows us to walk through valleys to strip away the religious performance and bring us back to raw, desperate dependence on Him. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, but God never left them. He provided manna, water from a rock, and guidance by cloud and fire. He is the same God today.

Now, we must address something critical: You have not mentioned Jesus in your cry for help. That is not an accusation, it’s an invitation. Because the truth is, there is no other name by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12). Jesus is not just a historical figure or a religious concept; He is the living Son of God who stepped into our brokenness so we would never have to face it alone. He knows what it is to be abandoned, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46), so He could say to you, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). If you’ve never surrendered your life to Him, today is the day. It’s not about religion; it’s about relationship. It’s saying, "Jesus, I’m broken. I need You. Forgive my sins, take my life, and be my Savior." If you’ve already done that, then we remind you: He is faithful, even when you cannot see Him.

We are going to pray for you now, and we ask that you let these words sink into your spirit. Let them be the first drops of rain on parched soil.

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Father God, we come before You with hearts heavy for our brother. You see his pain, his exhaustion, his despair. You see the years of abandonment, the cycle of hopelessness, the lies that have taken root in his mind. But Lord, we declare that You are the God who sees (Genesis 16:13). You are the Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). You are the One who collects every tear in a bottle (Psalm 56:8).

We ask You to break the chains of despair that have bound him. Shatter the lies that say You’ve abandoned him, that he’s not worth fighting for, that death is the only escape. Replace them with Your truth: "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1). Remind him that You are working all things together for his good (Romans 8:28), even when he can’t see it.

Lord, we ask for practical provision. Provide a way for his car to be inspected and made drivable. Open doors for financial help, whether through a job, a gift, or an unexpected blessing. Connect him with people who can assist with transportation, housing, and basic needs. We pray for favor with mechanics, employers, and social services. Let him find kindness where he expects none.

We also pray for his heart. Heal the wounds of abandonment. Replace bitterness with forgiveness, despair with hope, and fear with faith. Let him encounter Your love in tangible ways, a kind word, a helping hand, a moment of peace. Remind him that he is loved not because of what he does, but because of who You are.

And Lord, if he has never truly surrendered his life to You, we pray that today would be the day. Let him hear Your voice calling him by name (John 10:3). Let him feel Your presence wrapping around him like a warm embrace. Let him know that in You, he is never alone.

We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, the One who conquered sin and death so that we could have life, and have it abundantly. Amen.

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Beloved, we know this is not the end of your story. The enemy wants you to believe it is, but God is writing a redemption chapter even now. You are not a scapegoat. You are not a victim. You are a child of the Most High God, and He is fighting for you. Keep crying out. Keep holding on. And when you can’t hold on anymore, let Him hold you.

We are standing with you. You are not alone.

 

[hostadmin]

We want to start where you are right now. If you are in immediate danger or feel you might act on thoughts of ending your life, please contact your local emergency services right away. For free, confidential support, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You do not have to face this moment alone, and there are trained people ready to listen tonight.

Everything you named, the car, the motel, the drained finances, the canceled sale, the exhaustion of fighting alone since birth, is real and heavy. It makes sense that you feel abandoned and that hope feels naive. What you are describing is not weakness; it is the accumulated weight of relentless hardship and a lifetime of being left to fend for yourself. We hear despair, but we also hear a person who kept trying: you arranged a bike sale, you held onto work, you reached out here. That matters.

Right now, the most urgent thing is not fixing everything at once. It is keeping you alive tonight and getting one practical foothold. The helpline above is a place to speak openly about the thoughts pressing in, without judgment. After that, a next concrete move could be reaching your workplace or a trusted coworker to explain you are in a transportation and housing crisis and ask if there is any temporary arrangement or ride-share option to bridge the gap until the bike situation resolves. Even a short-term solution can interrupt the cascade you described.

Your birthday does not have to be a day of death. The slow dying you have endured does not have the final word. We will not smooth that over with easy answers, but we believe your life still holds meaning, and your cries are not ignored.

We pray with you now.

Lord Jesus, you see this person in the motel room, worn down and convinced they are unloved. Surround them with your presence in this dark hour. Hold back the despair that threatens to swallow them, and guide someone across their path who can offer real help, transportation, housing, or simply steady care. Sustain their breath and their mind when they have no fight left. Give them one day’s provision, one small opening, and the courage to pick up the phone and speak to a live voice tonight. In your name, we ask for mercy and life. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

When every earthly prop gives way, when the cisterns you have hewn for yourself hold no water, it is then that the deep foundations are tested. You ask why God has abandoned you, yet the cry itself, however choked with tears, is still a cry. The unregenerate soul asks no such agonized question; it is at peace in its distance. That you wrestle with Him in the darkness means you have not let go of Him, even when your grip feels utterly broken. Consider the Word: “Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.” She said it, but it was not true. It was the voice of her pain, not the verdict of her God. For the Lord answered her with an unbreakable pledge: “Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.”

The silence you interpret as abandonment is not the absence of love, but the testing of faith. When God would strengthen the sinews of trust, He often orders a course of severe trial where all visible and tangible stays are removed. You feel the false hope of the e/bike sale collapse, but what are false hopes except divine surgery that cuts away every reliance but the true one? You are not suffering the torments of one forgotten; you are enduring the discipline of a child being taught to walk by faith alone. If we are God's children, it is not by our own strength, or by the strength of the flesh in any measure, it is by the Grace of God and the promise of God that we are what we are. And that promise is not given to the naturally strong or the self-sufficient; it is secured by an oath, given by Him who cannot lie, to those who have nothing in themselves.

You fear you are being punished more painfully than death. Turn your eyes to the only scene that answers that dread. There was One upon a tree who was truly forsaken in your place, that you might never be. He cried, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” not because the Father’s love had ceased for Him, but because the unbroken sunshine of that love was withdrawn as He stood in the sinner’s stead, bearing the penalty of our guilt. For you, the child of God, there is no penal forsaking; there is only the temporary desertion of felt comfort, a cloud passing over the sun which does not extinguish it. Become not faithless, but believing. The very impossibility of your situation is the black velvet upon which the jewel of divine deliverance will be displayed. Your faith may falter, but His faithfulness cannot.

Do not say you are all prayed out. To ask “Why?” with your face to the wall is still prayer. To sob out your helplessness before the Throne is the truest supplication. David declared his ways to God, even the ugly truth of his blood-guiltiness, and God heard him. Pour out the contradiction of your heart, the confusion, the bitterness, the crushed hopes. He can untangle what you cannot. You have been measuring His love by the balance in your account and the working of your car. He is calling you to gauge it by the wounds in His hands. Unable though you are, go to Him who Himself was crucified through weakness, and remember that now He is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him. He can melt a heart of iron and provide a path through a trackless sea. The light is not yet come, but the morning star is fixed. Hold fast.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body​

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

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