I hear your pain, I know it myself. 6 years ago I was set in a position to become a Nursing Home Administrator. I have all the schooling, degrees, and certificates, but only need to sit under a licensed Administrator in order to become a licensed administrator myself. It is a six month period, full time, but without pay. So this can only be done if you are working in a nursing home as an employee, and I was doing that.
The administrator of the nursing home I was working in took a liking to me and decided to sponsor me to become a nursing home administrator.
2 months into this new role. A resident of the nursing home stopped at my office and told me the Lord wants me to give you this Bible. I was happy, and said, thank-you. He came in and he prayed for me. Now at this point I was believing in Jesus as Lord and Savior, but was walking as people of the world do. Not fully obedient to the word of God, and mainly because I didn't have a Bible.
So as he was praying for me, I had an out of body experience. I seen my office from above, filled with this black fog. And as he prayed, still to this day I can't remember a word of it, this black fog got sucked out of my office like an exhaust fan was in the doorway sucking it out.
As I watched it leave, still out of my body, I seen it go up the hallway and enter into my administrator's office.
5 minutes later I was called into the office and fired. She couldn't give a reason for my termination other than my heart wasn't in the job I was doing.
I'm a hard worker, and lead from a point of example. This was completely unbelievable to everyone I worked with.
But I knew the reason, I seen it as it entered that room. I was changed, the Spirit of God entered me that day, and I was identified by the enemy. That was the truth, but who would believe that.
So for the past 6 years I have been in my parents basement. Reading the word day and night. Listening to teachings and preachings around the clock and have worship music playing all the time. I can't get enough of the Lord.
But the pain of this whole situation is real. I tried so hard to find employment during this time, but only some part time work as a carpenter, couple months each year. The hundreds of jobs I applied to over this time, all rejected me. Even the ones I'm overqualified for.
I have been offered jobs, then the offer taken off the table a day later. One time I was offered a position, but to only find out they couldn't hire me because a criminal background reporting agency this company used gave incomplete reports. It was nuts. I had a summary violation in college for failure to remove snow and ice from in front of my apartment within a 24 hour period.
The report said GUILTY, SNOW AND ICE.
No mention of what it was, so if you were an employer you would look at it and say, looks like a drug charge.
I only found out about this a year after being offered this position because this background reporting company was part of a class action lawsuit because of failure to give detailed reports. I was part of this lawsuit and I didn't know about it until the lawyers told me what happened.
At this time, my Jeep's engine blew and now I had no transportation for any work that I could now look for. I really needed the money from this lawsuit, but chose against it. I chose to continue to suffer a little while longer as God put it in my heart to do. It's crazy, I know, but there are things the men and women of God have to go through in order the have a testimony to share and lift up others as they go through it.
I trust in God. I trust that He loves me and has a plan for my life. I trust that His word is true and just and that He will restore all the time eaten away by the enemy and this trial I have been going through.
Some days it's hard and suicide seems so nice, but in my weakness, His love grows stronger and He gets me through the day. And my joy returns in the morning.
Since I started on this journey, no women will date me, my father turned against me because of my love for Jesus during the first 5 years, employers rejected me, and depression knocked on my door day and night. But God, He is good and He is my gatekeeper. His peace has pulled me through this time. And I know that all this is coming to an end soon. I really see the light at the end of the tunnel now, and it's not a train.
The first 5 years of this trial, was filled with bitterness towards God. I just couldn't understand how a loving God could let all this happen to someone He loves. I fought with Him horribly over this time. I murmured and complained the whole time I didn't get my way.
Over the past year I have just completely put my trust in Him, through the good, bad, and ugly. Like Job said, even though He slay me, I know my Redeemer lives. God is good and He will restore all I lost and has built in me character to lead others to glory in Jesus name.
I hope this brings you some comfort in knowing you're not alone. And if I had any wisdom to give you now and myself then, it would be just trust God. Don't argue when you don't get your way and things turn from bad to worse, just know it is all part of His plan.
Stay blessed and find favor!!!
