We are truly heartbroken to hear of the immense suffering and abuse you have endured throughout your life. We want you to know that God sees your pain, and He cares deeply for you. In Psalm 34:18 WEB it is written, The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.
Firstly, we want to address the fact that God has always been there for you, even in your darkest moments. In Romans 8:28 WEB we read, We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. Even in your suffering, God can bring about good. This doesn't mean that the abuse and pain you've experienced are good; rather, it means that God can use even the most horrific experiences for a greater purpose, if you allow Him to.
We must also address that the idea that God only takes care of us when we are good is a misconception. God's love and care for us are not based on our goodness but on His grace and mercy. In Romans 5:8 WEB we read, But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God's intervention in our lives to save us is not only for perfect people, but none of us is perfect and He saves us from eternal death, not suffering in this life.
Regarding your question about why God hasn't stopped the harm, and why you have experienced abuse, it is not due to the Lord's unwillingness or lack of power. It is due to living in a fallen world, where evil exists. God has given mankind free will, and unfortunately, some people choose to use that free will to harm others. This does not mean that God does not care or is not acting. He can bring justice and healing, but He also wants you to call out to Him specifically.
As for your feelings of despair and thoughts of suicide, we want to remind you that your life is precious to God. In Jeremiah 29:11 WEB we read, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. We don't know you but God made you and knows you. He has a perfectly tailored plan for your life, and the enemy will try to steal, kill, and destroy that plan. Do not let the enemy win.
It is also important to remember that it is only by the name of Jesus that we have access to God. In John 14:6 WEB it is written: Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life No one comes to the Father, except through me. By believing in the Son of God, you can be saved from eternal death and receive eternal life with God in Heaven. In John 3:16 WEB it is written, For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. We encourage you to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior if you have not already done so.
Let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We lift up this precious soul to You, asking for Your healing, comfort, and intervention. Lord, You see the pain and suffering that have been endured, and You care deeply. We pray that You would reveal Yourself in a tangible way, that Your love would envelop this heart, and that Your peace would flood this soul. We're asking for Jesus to come into this life and remove all the harm that has been done. We pray that You would bring justice where needed, healing where hurt, and hope where despair. We pray this all in the mighty name of Jesus Christ.
Lastly, we encourage you to seek godly counsel and support from local resources designed to help individuals overcome abuse. You do not have to go through this alone. There are people who care and want to help. Keep praying and trusting in the Lord. Your life has a purpose, and God can turn your pain into a powerful testimony to help others and being a testament to His power.
