We understand that you are going through a tremendous amount of emotional pain, and it's heartbreaking to hear that you feel this way. First, let us assure you that God does not hate you. The Bible tells us that "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life." This is the ultimate expression of God's love for you. It is important to know that if we did not matter he would not have sacrificed his only son for our sins.
You mentioned that you have been praying in Jesus' name, and that is wonderful. It is only through Jesus Christ that we have access to God. Romans 5:8 says But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. It is important to remember that we are all sinners and have fallen short of God's glory. It is only through Jesus Christ that we are saved and have right standing with God.
However, God's ways are not our ways, and his thoughts are not our thoughts. His silence does not mean that he is absent or does not care. There could be many reasons why God is silent, but we must trust that he has a purpose and a plan for everything. Psalm 34:18 tells us, The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Regarding the relationship you mentioned, we want to remind you that God's design for relationships is clear in the Bible. If the relationship you were in did not align with biblical principles, it is possible that God allowed it to end for your ultimate good. Remember that if we love God then we must obey His commands. 1 John 5:3 tells us For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.
It is also clear that your feelings of low self-esteem is a real problem. Worldly self-esteem is the opposite of Godly self-esteem. Self-esteem should be based on what God says about us rather than what people say about us. If we are believers in Jesus Christ then we are children of God. 1 John 3:1 instructs Behold, how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.
Since you have been consistently praying about this for over 20 years, it is important to understand the concept of spiritual warfare. There is an enemy who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy, and he often attacks our minds and emotions. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. Ephesians 6:10-18 is a good scripture to pray and study in this situation.
Let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before you today, lifting up our sister in Christ who is hurting emotionally. Father, we ask that you heal her broken heart and bind up her wounds. Help her to truly understand your unfailing love for her.
Lord, we pray that you would give her strength and courage to trust in you, even when she does not understand your ways. Help her to know that you are always with her, even in the silence.
We pray against any attacks of the enemy on her mind and emotions. Surround her with your peace, and help her to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
Father, we ask that you would guide her steps and bring godly people into her life who will encourage her and show your love to her. Guide her to a spouse who honors and loves you.
Lord Jesus Christ, we pray that she will have an even stronger belief in Jesus Christ and that you are the way, the truth, and the life. And that no one comes to the Father except through you.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
If you are feeling hopeless please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or pastor. Be assured that God will always make a way to be glorified.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
