Desperate

[Phil Cooke]

Hello, my name is Phil Cooke. I am emailing because I am in desperate need of prayer. I am 26 years old and really struggling through life right now. Spiritually I have no idea where I’m at. I feel that God really spoke to me about five years ago and in so doing saved my life. Since that day though I feel he has been very absent and quiet in my life. So much so that I just not sure I believe in him. I’m not sure I ever did. I here all the great testimonies and stories of God and Jesus about him changing the most unchangeable person or circumstance, I’ve heard so many stories of healing and miracle encounters with Christ. These stories tell me that maybe there is something there. However until I experience this for myself, I just cannot fully believe, trust, or love God. I’m really suffering right now, from depression, fear, very terrible lustful and depraved thoughts that I hate, and nothing in this world seems to truly satisfy or bring fulfillment. I feel so very lost and confused about who I am and who God is. I desperately need the truth on many issues. If Jesus is real, if he is who everyone claims him to be, and if he can truly change a person’s whole life then I desperately need him to do this for me. I have learned that this can only come when you ask Christ into your life, and receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I have prayed this type of prayer many times and have meant it with as much sincerity as I can muster and there is never any change in who I am. This just makes me feel let down and abandoned by a God who is doing some many great things for some people but has completely forgotten about me. I just want him to prove himself. I have heard so many times that he wants to be close with us, and desires us to be happy and have peace and be filled with love. I desire this as well, so what is the problem? Everyone keeps telling me this God has a great destiny and purpose for my life, so why won’t he tell me what that is? Deep down I cannot see Jesus as anything but a fraud and a liar until he comes and proves me wrong. This is one last desperate attempt to find God. To experience his love, freedom, peace, and joy like so many others have claimed to. He is either real, or he is not. If he is real and everything he promised is real and if he is truly faithful, the time has come for him to prove this to me. I do not want to continue in life or take one more step until this God shows up for me in a way that I desperately need. My mind and thoughts torment me and I need a miracle. I’ve gotten so tired of praying that usually now I just curse God and yell at him. I need others to pray for me because I just can’t anymore. I am sending this email to many people throughout the country and the world. If God cannot answer the prayers of some of his most faithful servants, I will know that he either is not real, or just does not love me enough to give me the things that he promised those who seek him. Please pray that God will show up in a big way in my life. Thank you so much,

In addition, can you please pray for my ex-girlfriend Angela and her family? If Jesus is real then I would like him to come into their lives and transform them as well. Thank you.

Phil Cooke