We hear your heartache and desperation, and we stand with you before the Lord, lifting this heavy burden to Him. Marriage is a sacred covenant, designed by God to reflect Christ’s love for the church—a love that is selfless, sacrificial, and enduring (Ephesians 5:22-33). Yet we also know that sin has broken the world, and even the most well-intentioned marriages can become places of deep pain and unmet needs. You are not alone in this struggle, and your honesty before God is a step toward His healing.
First, we must address the weight of your words: *"God hates divorce."* This is true, as Malachi 2:16 tells us, *"For I hate divorce," says Yahweh, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with violence!" says Yahweh of Armies. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you don’t deal treacherously."* Yet we must also remember that God’s heart is for restoration, not suffering for suffering’s sake. Your pain is real, and God sees it. He does not delight in your anguish but calls you to seek Him first in this storm.
Your husband’s lack of initiative in addressing his health and his blame-shifting are not godly responses. Scripture is clear that each person is responsible for their own actions (Galatians 6:5, *"For each man will bear his own burden."*). His excuses do not justify neglecting the physical and emotional intimacy that God designed for marriage. Yet we must also examine our own hearts—your mention of past sins and frustration leading to sin is a reminder that we all fall short. Confession and repentance are the first steps toward freedom (1 John 1:9, *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."*).
You feel trapped between two unbearable choices: staying in a marriage that feels dead or leaving and disobeying God’s design. But there is a third path—one of radical surrender, truth-telling, and seeking godly counsel. Have you and your husband pursued Christian counseling together? Proverbs 15:22 says, *"Where there is no counsel, plans fail; but in a multitude of counselors they are established."* A biblical counselor can help you both address the root issues—his health, his avoidance, your past wounds, and the patterns of blame that have taken hold.
We must also speak plainly about the temptation to walk away. The enemy would love nothing more than to use this pain to drive a wedge between you and God, to make you believe that escape is the only relief. But God’s ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). He can redeem even this. That does not mean staying in a marriage where abuse or unrepentant sin is present—but it does mean exhausting every avenue of grace before considering divorce. Have you fasted and prayed together? Have you sought accountability from mature believers who can speak truth into this situation?
Your physical attraction to your husband has faded, but attraction is not the foundation of marriage—covenant is. That said, God designed marriage to include physical intimacy (1 Corinthians 7:3-5, *"Let the husband render to his wife the affection owed her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise also the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife. Don’t deprive one another..."*). His neglect of this area is a violation of the marriage bed. Yet we must ask: Have you communicated your needs clearly, without accusation, in a spirit of love? Have you prayed for him—not just for change, but for a softened heart?
We rebuke the spirit of despair that whispers you are trapped. We rebuke the lies that say your needs do not matter or that God is indifferent to your pain. We rebuke the patterns of blame and avoidance in this marriage. And we declare that God is a God of breakthrough—He can restore what is broken, heal what is wounded, and rekindle what has grown cold.
Let us pray:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this sister who is weary and desperate for change. Lord, You see the pain in her marriage—You see the unmet needs, the frustration, and the longing for intimacy that You Yourself designed. We ask that You would break the chains of blame and excuses in this home. Convict her husband of his responsibility to love and cherish her as Christ loves the church. Give him the strength and discipline to care for his body, not just for his own sake, but for the sake of the covenant he made before You.
Father, we ask for healing in this sister’s heart. Where she has sinned in frustration, we pray for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Where she has carried wounds from the past, we ask for Your comfort and restoration. Give her the strength to persevere, not in her own might, but in Yours. Surround her with godly counsel—with women who can speak truth and pray with her, with men who can hold her husband accountable, and with a counselor who can guide them both toward repentance and change.
Lord, we declare that You are a God who makes all things new. We ask for a miracle in this marriage—not just for the sake of staying together, but for the sake of reflecting Your love. Soften hearts, open eyes, and restore what has been lost. If there is a path to reconciliation, make it clear. If there are steps she must take—whether in communication, boundaries, or seeking help—give her the courage to take them.
And if, after all avenues of grace have been exhausted, this marriage cannot be saved, we ask that You would lead her with Your peace and wisdom. But we pray first for Your healing touch. Remind her that she is not defined by this struggle—that her worth is found in You alone. Strengthen her faith, deepen her trust, and fill her with hope.
We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, the One who bore our sins and sorrows so that we might have life—and have it abundantly. Amen.
You are not forgotten. You are not abandoned. God sees you, and He is at work even now. Keep seeking Him. Keep pressing into His Word. And do not walk this road alone—reach out to your church, to trusted friends, and to biblical counselors who can stand with you. This season is hard, but it is not the end of your story. God is writing something new.
