Despair

[andi323]

I have never felt as much pain and loss as I've felt over the past 4 months or so. In 2 years I have lost my dog - who was my best friend - my brother unexpectedly, our home, have been in 2 car crashes, had the man I have loved and trusted with my heart lie and cheat and walk out, I got 2 DUIs in the space of 5 months, the 2nd one is a felony and I could go to prison for at least 4 months. I will lose my job when they do my annual background check and see these cases. Then I will lose my home and my kids. 5 years after somehow making it through a devastating divorce where I lost everything except my children, I met a man whom I fell deeply in love with. Last night he told me he does not love me, after years together and after so many nights of me praying and crying and fighting for this relationshp. In one night's time, I lost him, another car, got the 2nd DUI and at that moment I began facing the loss of everything in my life. I have no car, spend $200 a week to get to and from work. I'm alone in my house 5 nights a week,my daughter moved on campus and I lost my time with my son because I cannot drive him to school in the mornings. He stays with my ex-husband. I come home from work every day, take off my makeup, and cry until I somehow fall asleep. I even wake up from sleep crying. I clearly thought I heard God tell me to pray for my boyfriend, he is on a lost path, and I have been, and I have been looking for a miracle. Instead, I am told by him last night that he does not love me. After having my husband cheat on me, the last thing I was able to bear was being cheated on again by someone I love. I never thought God would make me walk through agony like that again. I never eat or truly sleep. I pray for answers, for healing, for a miracle, but things only get worse. Last night I begged Jesus to let me die and go home and be out of pain. I'm not living anymore, I am breathing, existing. I cannot even remember what happiness or security or love feels like. I feel worthless and useless and that never goes away. Every day now is a struggle just to get through. If I deserve all of this, then I must be a truly horrible person. My life is broken. My world is broken. My hopes and dreams are broken. My faith is broken. My heart is broken. Please pray to Jesus that He break through all this pain and loss and grief and fear and darkness and hopelessness and somehow find me and help me. I try so hard to believe in miracles, but last night told my heart there are no miracles for me. I'm so depressed I'm not even a good mother anymore. I stay to myself, don't talk much, never laugh, and I feel they lost their mom a long time ago. There has been so much pain and betrayal and broken hope, I'm believing this is all there is and ever will be for me. When I pray,I cry so hard I have to curl up, the pain is so deep I can only try to breathe thru it until it eases up a bit. I do not think I was meant to live thru my 2nd car accident, where my car crashed head-on into a mountain side and my head broke the windshield. No one knew how I walked away from that accident alive, but now I wonder if I wasn't meant to have died that night. From that night on, things in my life have just shattered, one thing after another, shattered, broken. I have nothing in one piece to offer anyone, including God. This is the first time I've written about all of this, or told anyone. I've managed so far to hide it pretty well, no one at work would ever guess what I'm going thru each day, but I'm getting so crushed by pain now it's getting harder and harder to hide.

Please pray if you would. Please don't advise me to stop the "pity party" - the one other prayer site I posted on, not even mentioning everything I'm going thru, had some lady tell me God hates self pity. That was so hurtful. I do not feel sorry for myself, I assume I deserve what's happening to me. I'm not in self-pity, I am in despair. I've heard the words of Jesus's power and healing and miracles all of my life. But right now, today, tonight, I need desperately to SEE Jesus's power and healing and miracles. I need Jehovah to save my life before the pain gets so bad I try to stop it myself. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to do the wrong thing. I do not want to die like this. But I do not want to live like this either. This voice in my head tells me repeatedly without ceasing that I am worthless, a throw-away (as my ex-husband called me), that there is something wrong with me and that's why no one can love me for long or stay with me.

I am sorry this is so long. I have not even written everything that's happened to me recently - I just mentioned a few things. I am beaten down. Beaten up. I am broken, I'm afraid, beyond repair. My prayers consist of me curled up, crying, and only saying "Jesus, this hurts. Jesus, this hurts. Jesus, this hurts" over and and over and over. Maybe I'm so far under the rubble of what used to be my life that He can't hear me. Or reach me. I feel no one can reach me anymore.

I truly appreciate any and all prayers, and thank you in advance for any prayers.

 

[Articles]

Lord, we thank you that you for the blessings that you have given us. Help us to honor you in every part of our lives. We place this request at your throne. Please hear and reply according to your perfect will and timing. Grant us the peace to know that you are in control. In Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Nomnac]

Andi, I pray for you.

Dear God, lift the spirit of this child, bring her to terms for which you want. Bring life back into her heart. God, another relationship heading to the grave of such pain. I ask you God to help these relationships and help us find the path for which you want. We want is in some ways we know you do not want. We all ask for your help and guidence. Save us from such pain, deliver us from the evil that is surrounding our lives. I ask you Lord to give us relief from this agony for which we all bare. Bring our lost prodigls home. Take satan out of our lives and out of our spouses lives. Show the prodigls the right way to handle what they are going through. I know Lord you do not stand for divorce nor do you stand for us to live together without being married. I ask you God to remarry the ones that are and are headed to divorce. Marry the ones that want to be together and you for see them together. If this is the word of the bible, for which it is said. Stop divorce, breakups, from satan. Lord join us in the fight for your guidence. Amen.

 

[Angle]

Believe, You Will Receive Whatever You pray for. GOD has perfect plan for each one of us.

May your prayer be the part of GOD's plan for you.

 

[w8onhim]

Father I pray that you would touch this heart and bring healing. I pray that he would bring this young woman back into right relationship with you. I pray that you would deliver her of the spirit of despair and depression. I pray that you would give her wisdom, guidance and divine direction. That she would choose to live a life of . Of obedience to the word of God. A life that would bring glory to your name. For it is your will for us to be happy and healthy. I pray that you would reveal to her. That you had a beautiful plan and purpose for her life. Despite the things that have transpired in the recent months. Her future is spotless. A page of wonderful possibilities. You said that we should forget those things which are behind us. Pressing forward towards the prize. I pray father that she would focus not on the pass. Rather, the possibilities of the future. You said that weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. I pray and she diligently seeks your guidance. That her morning would come very soon. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

 

[Eugene]

Hey, we are praying with you here

There is a rainbow at the end of a storm, and your gloomy clouds will disappear in the showers of mercy.

When I feel stressful, this music really helps me.

[sharedmedia=videos:videos:781]

When you can understand that the painful situations you must endure are only allowed to bring you closer to the image of Christ, you can have the peace that surpasses understanding. Even though it may not make sense to you, God has an eternal reason for all that he allows to touch your life. And God, who knew your afflictions before he even formed the earth, has prepared a way for you to be taken through them.

The enemy of our soul will always look for ways to discourage true believers. Satan knows that he cannot stop God’s perfect plan for you so he must work to convince you that your problems are bigger than your God. He wants you to forget that Jesus can still heal our diseases; that he can strengthen us against addictions; that he can restore broken homes and that he can overcome all of our weaknesses. Jesus is the only one who can make us whole and give us a future with a promise. The devil cannot take from us what Jesus has died to give us.

By Marianne Lordi

Write to me at any time, if you wish to talk

God bless you dear!

 

[andi323]

So many months of all this pain and loss. I'll be almost ok for a moment, then the pain hits and I am helpless against it. I do pray, always, always, always, for Jesus to take this pain away. I don't know what else to do. It's like being stabbed repeatedly in the same spot over and over and over. I am just desperate for this to stop. I want to feel ok again. I want to feel happy again. But all that's happened has made me hate myself, and has made me believe nothing good will ever happen again. I am drowning.

 

[Eugene]

Andi, dear, please hold on...I send you my hug and prayers

 

[The Encourager]

I have asked God in Jesus’ name to honor your prayer request that you have posted. God has heard your prayers and the prayers of others on your behalf and in His timing He will answer. Be encouraged. Remember keep your focus on God. Trust Him. God is in control. He Loves You.

Encourager Linda Flagg, LM, CS

Christian Life Coach & Youth Minister

 

[zoryrrs]

Andi all the negative feelings and that voice you hear are all Satan breaking you down and by the sounds of it he is succeeding. Don't let him win fight that depression Andi believe in your heart that God is with you that he hears you, until you try to stop and feel a little less hopeless then that's when God will come in and take over but you need to help yourself too. Don't feel worthless you are very valuable, you don't see how much because of this depression because the devil doesn't let you see it, he has a great hold on you because he knows you are very special. I pray that you will start seeing your life different and that you will feel joy in your life once again. I pray that you will love yourself again and that you will truly feel Gods love, he cares so much about you, you have no idea Andi please let all the negativity go even if you feel or see that things are getting worse just have a good attitude about it and tell Satan is that all you got?? God has many good things coming for you dont give up fight the devil he is not stronger nor smarter show him God is boss!! In ur name we pray Jesus Amen!!