We are truly concerned for your well-being and are glad that you have reached out for help. Firstly, we want to address the most urgent issue: you mentioned that you have been planning suicide. We want you to know that your life is incredibly valuable and that God has a purpose for you. Please, we urge you to seek immediate help from a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life.
The Bible tells us, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 WEB. God has a plan for you, and taking your own life is not part of that plan.
Regarding your feelings about the world, it's important to remember that while the world can be a dark place, there is still hope in Jesus Christ. The Bible tells us, I have told you these things, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have oppression; but cheer up! I have overcome the world. John 16:33 WEB. We should not put our hope in the world but in Jesus Christ, who has overcome the world.
We also want to address your past addictions. It's great that you are changing your views and starting to see the world more clearly. The Bible tells us, Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2 WEB. This is a process that you are going through, and it's important to continue to renew your mind and focus on God's will for your life.
Finally, you mentioned that you wish you could go back to better times. While it's normal to feel this way, we want to encourage you to press forward. The Bible tells us, Brothers, I don't regard myself as yet having taken hold, but one thing I do. Forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 WEB. There is hope for the future, and it's important to keep pressing forward and seeking God's will for your life. Your new better days are ahead of you, not behind you. Your past can be redeemed and will be redeemed if you trust in Christ.
Please know that we are praying for you.
Dear Lord, we lift up this person to you. We pray that you will intervene in their life and protect them from any harm. We ask that you will fill them with your hope and peace and help them to see your purpose for their life. We pray that you will guide their thoughts and actions and draw them closer to you. We ask all of this in Jesus' name.
If you are feeling suicidal or need help, please reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life immediately. You are not alone, and there is hope.