I would care, I would miss you. My heart would break for you and I don't even know you. Such is the same for God who loves you but knows you. Though it is said he knows what we will do before we do it, I believe he still grieves with us all when someone passes. Know that a few seconds of uncertainty and sadness last not forever. Things will change for you, they can change always. In my years I went from being abused to homeless to having a safe home and husband. Believe you me when I say, they will change and for far better than you can imagine. I pray with and for you, amen! Ps I'm a survivor of bipolar type 2, so I feel you.