Silas
Beloved of All
Your pain comes through clearly in what you have shared, and I want to answer you with both compassion and truth from Scripture. What you have endured has left you feeling violated, confused, exhausted, and even hopeless to the point of wanting to end your life. God sees that suffering and He does not take it lightly. He is a God of love and mercy, and He offers real hope and real deliverance, but that deliverance is found in one place alone, in Jesus Christ.
The Bible teaches that when sin entered the world a curse came upon humanity and upon creation itself. That curse brought hard labor, pain, thorns and thistles from the ground. When Jesus came He wore a crown of thorns on His brow. Those thorns were the very sign of the curse, and in wearing them He was showing that He had come to bear the curse of God against sin for us. Scripture says Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written, cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree. He was lifted up on the cross to take upon Himself the curse that belonged to us, so that those who belong to Him are declared innocent and free from its guilt and power.
That truth matters for your fear about a ritual curse. In the Old Testament a king hired a prophet to curse Israel. Again and again the prophet tried, and again and again he had to answer, how can I curse whom God has not cursed. God would not allow it, and He turned the intended curse into a blessing because He loved His people. Another proverb says the curse without cause shall not alight. People may attempt rituals, speak words, and seek spiritual power against you, but those rituals in themselves are empty. They have no authority over a life that is hidden in Christ. When a person belongs to Jesus, no enemy can place a curse that God has not allowed, and God has promised to turn even the evil intended against His children toward their good.
This is why the most important question is not how to break a specific ritual, but whether you have truly turned to Jesus in repentance and faith and received the reality that His work on the cross accomplished. Religious ritual without reality has no power to save, and occult ritual without Christ has no power to hold you if you are in Him. What matters is not whether you have been through a ceremony, but whether you have the circumcision of the heart, a new life in Christ through faith. If you have never clearly trusted Jesus alone for salvation, turning away from sin and putting your whole hope in what He did for you, that is the first step. If you have, then you can stand on what He has already done and renounce every involvement with darkness.
That also means stepping away from anything that opens a door to the enemy. The occult, attempts to contact spirits, seeking hidden knowledge through visions or experiences apart from Scripture, and living in ways that Scripture calls sin all give place to deception. I say this with care for you, but your request describes living together with your partner outside of marriage. In Scripture marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and sexual union and sharing a home as a couple belong within that covenant. God will not bless a relationship that continues outside His design, and remaining in that arrangement while asking for deliverance works against the very freedom you seek. This is not to condemn you, but to call you to honor God with your bodies and your home. Please seek godly, in person counsel right away about how to live in a way that honors Him, whether that means separating households and pursuing purity, or if you are both free to marry, pursuing marriage in a holy way with pastoral guidance. God offers forgiveness and a new path when we turn to Him.
You also describe that your partner sees things you do not see, and that much of the conflict between you comes from trusting those impressions even when they contradict what you know to be true. The Bible warns that not every spiritual impression is from God and that we must test the spirits by the Word of God. Demonic forces are real and they are deceivers. They can plant lies, create confusion, and make it look as though a person did or said something they did not. Jesus described them as liars from the beginning. Do not build your understanding of reality on subjective visions, whether your own or your partner's. Build it on Scripture, which is steady and true. If your partner is willing, encourage him also to submit what he thinks he sees to the test of Scripture and to wise pastoral counsel, rather than acting on it as fact.
You mentioned periods of missing time, feeling controlled, being told you did things you do not remember, and a recent stay in a hospital for suicidal thoughts. Those experiences are very serious and you should not face them alone. Please continue to get care from qualified medical and mental health professionals in addition to pastoral care. Wanting to die is not a sign that God has abandoned you, but it is a sign that you need immediate, ongoing support from people who can be with you in person. If those thoughts return, reach out right away to a trusted person, pastor, counselor, or emergency help in your area. Your life is precious to God.
For practical steps toward freedom in Christ, consider these:
Turn fully to Jesus if you have not, confessing sin and trusting His death and resurrection alone to save and cleanse you. Speak plainly to God, renouncing any involvement with occult practices, curses, or spirit contact, and asking Him to cleanse you by the blood of Christ.
Fill your mind daily with Scripture rather than with speculation about curses or astral experiences. Read the Gospels and the letters that speak of your security in Christ, such as Galatians 3, Romans 8, Colossians 1 and 2, and 1 John.
Pray in the name of Jesus alone, not using formulas or rituals. Ask the Father to guard your mind, body, and home, to expose lies, and to give you clarity and peace.
Remove from your home anything associated with occult practice and avoid any person or media that draws you back into it.
Seek a faithful local church where you can be known, taught the Word, and prayed for regularly by mature believers. Deliverance is not a technique performed once, but walking in the light with Christ in community.
Pursue holiness in your relationships and daily life, trusting that obedience opens the way for God's blessing, while willful sin gives the enemy opportunity.
I will pray for you now.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ I ask for Your mercy on this dear one who feels trapped, confused, and tormented. Thank You that Jesus bore the curse in full, wearing thorns and hanging on the tree, so that all who trust in Him are redeemed and free. I ask that You draw this person to Yourself, grant repentance and faith, forgive sin, and wash them clean by the blood of Jesus. Break every lie and every work of darkness, and let no curse without cause rest upon them. Turn what was meant for evil into blessing because You love them. Guard their mind and body, grant sleep and peace, heal trauma, and lift the despair that has led to thoughts of death. Give wisdom to seek both spiritual and medical help, surround them with faithful people who will speak truth, and lead them into a life of purity and obedience that honors You. Teach them to test every spirit by Your Word and to find their security in Christ alone. Let them know they are loved, seen, and not alone. I ask this in the saving name of Jesus, amen.
Please do not remain isolated. Reach out soon to a trusted pastor or counselor near you who holds to the authority of Scripture, share this struggle openly, and allow others to walk with you step by step. God is able to deliver and to restore, and His way is through truth, holiness, and hope in Christ.
The Bible teaches that when sin entered the world a curse came upon humanity and upon creation itself. That curse brought hard labor, pain, thorns and thistles from the ground. When Jesus came He wore a crown of thorns on His brow. Those thorns were the very sign of the curse, and in wearing them He was showing that He had come to bear the curse of God against sin for us. Scripture says Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written, cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree. He was lifted up on the cross to take upon Himself the curse that belonged to us, so that those who belong to Him are declared innocent and free from its guilt and power.
That truth matters for your fear about a ritual curse. In the Old Testament a king hired a prophet to curse Israel. Again and again the prophet tried, and again and again he had to answer, how can I curse whom God has not cursed. God would not allow it, and He turned the intended curse into a blessing because He loved His people. Another proverb says the curse without cause shall not alight. People may attempt rituals, speak words, and seek spiritual power against you, but those rituals in themselves are empty. They have no authority over a life that is hidden in Christ. When a person belongs to Jesus, no enemy can place a curse that God has not allowed, and God has promised to turn even the evil intended against His children toward their good.
This is why the most important question is not how to break a specific ritual, but whether you have truly turned to Jesus in repentance and faith and received the reality that His work on the cross accomplished. Religious ritual without reality has no power to save, and occult ritual without Christ has no power to hold you if you are in Him. What matters is not whether you have been through a ceremony, but whether you have the circumcision of the heart, a new life in Christ through faith. If you have never clearly trusted Jesus alone for salvation, turning away from sin and putting your whole hope in what He did for you, that is the first step. If you have, then you can stand on what He has already done and renounce every involvement with darkness.
That also means stepping away from anything that opens a door to the enemy. The occult, attempts to contact spirits, seeking hidden knowledge through visions or experiences apart from Scripture, and living in ways that Scripture calls sin all give place to deception. I say this with care for you, but your request describes living together with your partner outside of marriage. In Scripture marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and sexual union and sharing a home as a couple belong within that covenant. God will not bless a relationship that continues outside His design, and remaining in that arrangement while asking for deliverance works against the very freedom you seek. This is not to condemn you, but to call you to honor God with your bodies and your home. Please seek godly, in person counsel right away about how to live in a way that honors Him, whether that means separating households and pursuing purity, or if you are both free to marry, pursuing marriage in a holy way with pastoral guidance. God offers forgiveness and a new path when we turn to Him.
You also describe that your partner sees things you do not see, and that much of the conflict between you comes from trusting those impressions even when they contradict what you know to be true. The Bible warns that not every spiritual impression is from God and that we must test the spirits by the Word of God. Demonic forces are real and they are deceivers. They can plant lies, create confusion, and make it look as though a person did or said something they did not. Jesus described them as liars from the beginning. Do not build your understanding of reality on subjective visions, whether your own or your partner's. Build it on Scripture, which is steady and true. If your partner is willing, encourage him also to submit what he thinks he sees to the test of Scripture and to wise pastoral counsel, rather than acting on it as fact.
You mentioned periods of missing time, feeling controlled, being told you did things you do not remember, and a recent stay in a hospital for suicidal thoughts. Those experiences are very serious and you should not face them alone. Please continue to get care from qualified medical and mental health professionals in addition to pastoral care. Wanting to die is not a sign that God has abandoned you, but it is a sign that you need immediate, ongoing support from people who can be with you in person. If those thoughts return, reach out right away to a trusted person, pastor, counselor, or emergency help in your area. Your life is precious to God.
For practical steps toward freedom in Christ, consider these:
Turn fully to Jesus if you have not, confessing sin and trusting His death and resurrection alone to save and cleanse you. Speak plainly to God, renouncing any involvement with occult practices, curses, or spirit contact, and asking Him to cleanse you by the blood of Christ.
Fill your mind daily with Scripture rather than with speculation about curses or astral experiences. Read the Gospels and the letters that speak of your security in Christ, such as Galatians 3, Romans 8, Colossians 1 and 2, and 1 John.
Pray in the name of Jesus alone, not using formulas or rituals. Ask the Father to guard your mind, body, and home, to expose lies, and to give you clarity and peace.
Remove from your home anything associated with occult practice and avoid any person or media that draws you back into it.
Seek a faithful local church where you can be known, taught the Word, and prayed for regularly by mature believers. Deliverance is not a technique performed once, but walking in the light with Christ in community.
Pursue holiness in your relationships and daily life, trusting that obedience opens the way for God's blessing, while willful sin gives the enemy opportunity.
I will pray for you now.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ I ask for Your mercy on this dear one who feels trapped, confused, and tormented. Thank You that Jesus bore the curse in full, wearing thorns and hanging on the tree, so that all who trust in Him are redeemed and free. I ask that You draw this person to Yourself, grant repentance and faith, forgive sin, and wash them clean by the blood of Jesus. Break every lie and every work of darkness, and let no curse without cause rest upon them. Turn what was meant for evil into blessing because You love them. Guard their mind and body, grant sleep and peace, heal trauma, and lift the despair that has led to thoughts of death. Give wisdom to seek both spiritual and medical help, surround them with faithful people who will speak truth, and lead them into a life of purity and obedience that honors You. Teach them to test every spirit by Your Word and to find their security in Christ alone. Let them know they are loved, seen, and not alone. I ask this in the saving name of Jesus, amen.
Please do not remain isolated. Reach out soon to a trusted pastor or counselor near you who holds to the authority of Scripture, share this struggle openly, and allow others to walk with you step by step. God is able to deliver and to restore, and His way is through truth, holiness, and hope in Christ.
