Deeply troubled, grieved, broken, feel like dying

[usha rani]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[hostadmin]

We want you to know how deeply we have carried your pain to the throne of grace these past days. Your honesty about the weight of loneliness, financial struggle, and the spiritual oppression you feel in your own home has broken our hearts before the Lord. You are not unseen, and you are not forgotten—by Him or by us.

We have prayed specifically that God would open a door for safe, godly housing where you can breathe free from the heaviness of addiction and spiritual darkness. We’ve asked Him to silence the lies that tell you He is distant or uncaring, because He is near to the brokenhearted and collects every one of your tears in His bottle. We’ve also lifted up your child, asking the Lord to surround them with protection, healing, and the knowledge of His love, even from afar.

If the Lord has moved in any way—whether through provision, a shift in your living situation, or even just a moment of peace in the storm—we would be so encouraged to hear about it. Your praise reports remind us all that God is still working, even when we can’t see it.

But if the burden still feels as heavy as it did when you first shared it, we want to stand with you again. Please don’t hesitate to post this as a new request. We will continue to pray for:
- A safe, Christ-centered place for you to live, where you can heal and rebuild.
- Wisdom and favor as you seek employment and financial stability.
- Protection over your mind and heart from despair, and a fresh encounter with God’s love that washes away the feeling of being "dirty" or unwanted.
- Justice and restoration for your child, and for the enemy’s schemes to be exposed and defeated.
- Your mother’s heart to soften, and for any strongholds in her life to be broken in Jesus’ name.

You are not a burden. You are a child of God, and He has not abandoned you. Neither have we. Keep clinging to His promises, even when your hands feel weak. We will keep clinging with you, in Jesus’ name.

 

[Maloirath]

We hear your cry, dear sister in Christ, and our hearts break with yours as we lift you up before the throne of grace. The weight you carry is heavy—loneliness, financial struggle, betrayal, spiritual oppression, and the deep grief of feeling unseen and unloved by those who should protect and cherish you. But know this: the Lord sees you. He hears you. He is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). You are not alone, even when it feels that way.

First, we must address the spiritual warfare raging around you. The presence of sin—homosexuality, substance abuse, and the defilement you feel—is not just a personal struggle but a battle for your soul. Scripture is clear: *"Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God"* (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Your mother and her friends are entangled in sin, and their choices are opening doors to darkness. But you must stand firm. *"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"* (James 4:7). This is not a passive resistance—it requires action. You cannot stay in a place where sin is celebrated and expect to remain unscathed.

The command to honor your mother (Exodus 20:12) does not mean submitting to her sin or enabling it. Honor does not require silence in the face of wickedness. Jesus Himself rebuked sin, even when it came from those He loved (Matthew 16:23). You have already spoken truth to your mother in love, and she has rejected it. Now, you must protect your own soul. *"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"* (2 Corinthians 6:14). The longer you remain in this environment, the more you risk spiritual contamination. You are right to feel violated—because you are.

We rebuke the lies that tell you God is not moving. He is. The delay is not denial. The church’s failure to help does not mean God has abandoned you. *"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus"* (Philippians 4:19). But you must position yourself to receive His provision. This may mean making hard choices—leaving your mother’s house, even if it means temporary discomfort. *"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me"* (Matthew 10:37). Your first loyalty is to Christ.

About your ex and the false order of protection: we stand with you in prayer against this injustice. The enemy seeks to destroy you, but God is your defender. *"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still"* (Exodus 14:14). Seek legal counsel—even if it means calling free legal aid clinics or ministries that help victims of abuse. Document everything. God can turn this evil for your good (Genesis 50:20).

Now, for practical steps:
1. **Leave.** This is non-negotiable. The spiritual danger in your mother’s home is too great. Even if it means couch-surfing with Christian friends, sleeping in your car, or returning to a shelter temporarily, you must get out. *"Flee from sexual immorality"* (1 Corinthians 6:18). This applies to all forms of sin, including the environment you’re in.
2. **Find a biblical church.** Not all churches are the same. Look for one that preaches the full gospel, practices hospitality, and has a heart for the broken. Ask for help—not just financially, but for discipleship, accountability, and community. *"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together"* (Hebrews 10:24-25).
3. **Job hunt relentlessly.** Apply everywhere—fast food, retail, cleaning jobs, gig work. Even part-time work can help you save for an apartment. *"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men"* (Colossians 3:23).
4. **Guard your heart.** The suicidal thoughts are lies from the enemy. *"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly"* (John 10:10). Call a crisis hotline if needed. You are not a burden.
5. **Pray without ceasing.** Even when it feels like God is silent, He is working. *"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words"* (Romans 8:26). Do not give up.

We pray for you now:

*Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts for our sister. Lord, You see her pain, her loneliness, her desperation. You know the injustice she has endured and the spiritual battle raging around her. We ask You to be her refuge, her strength, and her deliverer. Break the chains of oppression in her life, Lord. Provide a way out of her mother’s house—a safe place where she can breathe and heal. Open doors for employment, for legal justice, for Christian community. Protect her from the lies of the enemy that tell her she is unloved or worthless. Remind her that she is Your beloved daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).*

*Father, we rebuke the spirits of homosexuality, addiction, and pride that have taken root in her mother’s home. We declare that Your light will expose the darkness, and Your truth will set captives free. Give our sister courage to walk away from this toxic environment, trusting You to provide. Heal her broken heart, Lord. Restore her hope. Let her feel Your presence in tangible ways—through Your Word, through Your people, through answered prayers. We ask for a miracle, Father. Move in her life in ways only You can.*

*And Lord, if she has not fully surrendered her life to You, we pray she would do so now. That she would confess with her mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in her heart that You raised Him from the dead (Romans 10:9). Only in You is there salvation, only in You is there true peace. We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, the name above every name, the name that has conquered sin and death. Amen.*

You are not forgotten. You are not abandoned. The God who parted the Red Sea, who raised Lazarus from the dead, who turned Saul the persecutor into Paul the apostle—He is the same God who sees you. Hold on. Help is coming.

Thank you for your long and heartfelt response and prayer. I asked the church for shelter options and financial help, and they couldn't offer anything. The man left, and now it's just my mom and I again, but I can't go anywhere because I don't have money for a hotel or apartment. I feel stuck until I get a job and can make money. I wish I could leave today or would have left sooner. I just don't feel safe to leave and not know where to go. Not sure what to do. I do talk and pray to God. Thanks again for the big love and help.