Anonymous
Beloved of All
Dear God, If you can help, I really need you to help. You know I am soooo angry and pissed off because I look at my past and I see nowhere where I loved. I constantly think about death, I constantly think about suicide. I hate the way that I responded to the opportunities that you gave me. I am having a hard time seeing any kind of good from my life. When I was little, I had terrible dreams about being in a house on fire. I had thoughts about chopping the breasts off of women in the woods. I didn't have any kind of meaningful relationship with my parents. My dad was an abusive drunk and my mom was also a drinker but she was also sick. The point is they didn't show me how to live. I think about when they had to send me off to a psychiatric hospital for 5 months because I kept running away. I said that correctly because I ran away, not because they made me run away. I was only 11, God, I guess I have no idea how many problems I was really causing. I stole from everyone's country club account that I could get the pin number for. I participated in homosexual perverse behavior at 10 years old. I had sexual contact with animals many times. I remember running over my dad's head while boogie boarding with a big smile on my face. I constantly stole from my parents' wallets and was arrested for shoplifting. I don't know how many times. I stole from every store I was in and even got my brother in trouble for doing the same. I wasted your money at college. I lied to win the golf tournament. I constantly made up medical scenarios to get people to run to my bedside. I cheated on my girl friends and my wives. I manipulated the wife I have now to take care of me like I was a little child. I have raped hundreds of women and a few children as well. God, I know you know what I mean by this; it's not a physical action, it's in my heart. I have stolen, manipulated, lied, run, and died many times. If you can help me, I sure need to know.