Dear God, I need your help DESPERATELY, I was once again put in the same situation I keep trying to change. I want to change. In this situation, I made a very quick and bad decision that could destroy my life, which will destroy my son's. I understand it was me who created this problem, but knowing you care about me, knowing you helped me not lose everything I have worked so hard for will give me strength to get through when in the situation again. I try to do good every day; I want more than anything to give back in this world, make a difference, but I'm still stuck worrying about losing pain medicine. Please let me pick up my meds & leave. No tests, no issues, let me go home & be able to move past this. I don't want to move backwards; it took me so long to get to where I am now, which is not even close to where I want to be, but going backwards—I can't do that again. You blessed me with a wonderful little boy who needs much more than most, but I love doing it. I just don't understand why it seems like you keep putting impossible obstacles in front of me to give him what he deserves. I see so many people who have a home of their own, can go to work, drive, and have the ability to fix their lives, have family that supports them. I have none of that but an amazing child. It feels like you abandoned me when I need you the most. I don't want to feel that way; my head tells me that is not true, but my heart feels that way. I just want the opportunity to make a productive and meaningful life, to focus on giving back, not passing urine tests. Please be with me tomorrow morning, don't make me suffer anymore, and I will give my life over to you. I want to look forward to my future, not just get by. Why is it that I want to give my son a good life, I put him first, yet because the very people who did not care enough to do that for me or even help me ever get to have everything I can't, they don't even appreciate it, they don't pray, give back nothing, just take from their kids, ruining their lives in the process. I don't understand or want to be angry; I just want to give my son and me stability. Maybe feel love one day, but that's not even a priority; making my son have a good, stable life and giving back to others who grew up like me, I want to be in the place to help others. I think that is why I'm here, but everything that has ever happened to me shows me I'm alone. Please open doors for me, God, please just give me the opportunity to do this. I don't want it done for me, but the chance to do it for myself. Please let tomorrow go good, take ### to school, and move on. I need you, Lord.
