Droennorton
Disciple of Prayer
My ### year old is difficult. She gossips about me and her little sister to her cousin. I’m worried she’s becoming prideful and entitled. She thinks we’re wrong whenever we correct her.
Daughter
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We join with you in bringing your daughter before the Lord and we understand how heavy your heart must feel as you watch her struggle with attitudes that concern you. We hear your worry about gossip, pride, entitlement, and a resistance to correction, and we want to lift both you and her up together in Jesus name.
The Word shows us that these are matters of the heart that God takes seriously. A gossip's words can do deep damage to family relationships, for Proverbs 20:19 says He who goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets, therefore don't keep company with him who opens wide his lips. And Proverbs 16:28 warns that a whisperer separates close friends. When she speaks against you and her little sister to her cousin, it not only dishonors you but it can sow division in the family and harden her own heart. Pride is also dangerous, for Proverbs 16:18 tells us Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. An entitled spirit that refuses correction is described in Proverbs 15:5, A fool despises his father's correction, but he who heeds reproof shows prudence. And Proverbs 12:1 says Whoever loves correction loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
At the same time we are encouraged to see your desire to correct her in love, because Scripture calls parents to do just that. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. And Proverbs 22:15 says Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Children are commanded to honor their parents, as Ephesians 6:1-3 says Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Yet we are also reminded in Ephesians 6:4, You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And Colossians 3:21 says Fathers, don't provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged. So we encourage you to continue correcting her consistently but with gentleness, patience, and grace, modeling the humility you want to see in her. James 1:5 promises If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him, and we urge you to seek that wisdom daily for this season which is often a difficult transition toward the teenage years.
We also want to gently point out that your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to share why that matters so deeply to us. It is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name that we are saved. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 declares There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your trust in Jesus, believing that He died for our sins and rose again, and to teach your daughters to do the same, for Romans 10:9 says that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. It is this relationship with Christ that alone can truly soften a proud heart and give power to obey, for James 4:6 says God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
We pray together for you and for your daughters.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and we lift up this precious daughter to You. Lord, You see her heart and You know the struggle with pride and entitlement and the temptation to gossip and to reject correction. We ask You to soften her heart, to give her a spirit of humility and teachability, and to help her understand the beauty of Philippians 2:3-4, doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself. Help her to honor her father and mother and to love her little sister with kindness and to use her words to build up and not to tear down, for Ephesians 4:29 says Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. Lord, give her parents wisdom, patience, and perseverance to discipline in love and not in anger, to speak truth with grace, and to point her constantly to You. Guard the relationship with her cousin and let it be a godly friendship that encourages righteousness rather than gossip. Draw this whole family closer to Jesus, that Your peace would rule in their home. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
The Word shows us that these are matters of the heart that God takes seriously. A gossip's words can do deep damage to family relationships, for Proverbs 20:19 says He who goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets, therefore don't keep company with him who opens wide his lips. And Proverbs 16:28 warns that a whisperer separates close friends. When she speaks against you and her little sister to her cousin, it not only dishonors you but it can sow division in the family and harden her own heart. Pride is also dangerous, for Proverbs 16:18 tells us Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. An entitled spirit that refuses correction is described in Proverbs 15:5, A fool despises his father's correction, but he who heeds reproof shows prudence. And Proverbs 12:1 says Whoever loves correction loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
At the same time we are encouraged to see your desire to correct her in love, because Scripture calls parents to do just that. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. And Proverbs 22:15 says Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Children are commanded to honor their parents, as Ephesians 6:1-3 says Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Yet we are also reminded in Ephesians 6:4, You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And Colossians 3:21 says Fathers, don't provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged. So we encourage you to continue correcting her consistently but with gentleness, patience, and grace, modeling the humility you want to see in her. James 1:5 promises If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him, and we urge you to seek that wisdom daily for this season which is often a difficult transition toward the teenage years.
We also want to gently point out that your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to share why that matters so deeply to us. It is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name that we are saved. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 declares There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your trust in Jesus, believing that He died for our sins and rose again, and to teach your daughters to do the same, for Romans 10:9 says that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. It is this relationship with Christ that alone can truly soften a proud heart and give power to obey, for James 4:6 says God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
We pray together for you and for your daughters.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and we lift up this precious daughter to You. Lord, You see her heart and You know the struggle with pride and entitlement and the temptation to gossip and to reject correction. We ask You to soften her heart, to give her a spirit of humility and teachability, and to help her understand the beauty of Philippians 2:3-4, doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself. Help her to honor her father and mother and to love her little sister with kindness and to use her words to build up and not to tear down, for Ephesians 4:29 says Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. Lord, give her parents wisdom, patience, and perseverance to discipline in love and not in anger, to speak truth with grace, and to point her constantly to You. Guard the relationship with her cousin and let it be a godly friendship that encourages righteousness rather than gossip. Draw this whole family closer to Jesus, that Your peace would rule in their home. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
We hear how discouraging this season feels for you. Loving a daughter who pushes back on every correction, and hearing that she is talking about you and her little sister to her cousin, can leave you feeling hurt and second guessing yourself as a parent.
It helps to remember that the teen years are often the least satisfying stage of parenting because guidance is naturally resisted more. That resistance does not necessarily mean you have failed. Sometimes what looks like pride or entitlement is a defensive way of covering insecurity or a desire to feel valued by peers, and gossip can be one way she tries to gain standing with her cousin. Seeing it that way can keep your heart softer toward her even as you hold a clear line.
One small step that often helps is to separate connection from correction. Choose a calm moment when nothing has just gone wrong to spend a few minutes one on one with her with no agenda except to listen, asking a curious question about her world and letting her answer without fixing. Then address the gossip at a different time, privately and briefly, with a simple expectation that family matters stay inside the family, and follow through consistently.
We are praying for you and your girls.
Father, we lift this mom and her two daughters to You. Give her wisdom and patience as she guides her older daughter, and guard the relationship between the sisters and with their cousin. Help her daughter grow in humility and kindness, and help this mom feel Your strength and nearness as she keeps loving and leading well. In Jesus' name, amen.
It helps to remember that the teen years are often the least satisfying stage of parenting because guidance is naturally resisted more. That resistance does not necessarily mean you have failed. Sometimes what looks like pride or entitlement is a defensive way of covering insecurity or a desire to feel valued by peers, and gossip can be one way she tries to gain standing with her cousin. Seeing it that way can keep your heart softer toward her even as you hold a clear line.
One small step that often helps is to separate connection from correction. Choose a calm moment when nothing has just gone wrong to spend a few minutes one on one with her with no agenda except to listen, asking a curious question about her world and letting her answer without fixing. Then address the gossip at a different time, privately and briefly, with a simple expectation that family matters stay inside the family, and follow through consistently.
We are praying for you and your girls.
Father, we lift this mom and her two daughters to You. Give her wisdom and patience as she guides her older daughter, and guard the relationship between the sisters and with their cousin. Help her daughter grow in humility and kindness, and help this mom feel Your strength and nearness as she keeps loving and leading well. In Jesus' name, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your burden for your daughter has been laid before the Lord with prayerful care, and we join you in seeking His grace for her and for you.
The spirit you describe is one which the Scriptures warn us of with great solemnity. Pride, as the Word teaches, has its seat in the heart of man and its consequence is destruction. It has no solid rock on which to stand, for we have nothing to be proud of, and what hast thou that thou didst not receive. Yet it lurks in every heart, and takes many shapes, and he who is over head and heels in pride is often the most likely to imagine that he is not proud at all. It is hateful to God, and when most successful it stands in slippery places.
You see this in her readiness to gossip and to turn aside correction, and in that entitlement which says in effect, I am right and my parents are wrong. Pride is shallow and cannot endure honest questioning. The apostle Paul assailed it by putting it through a catechism, asking, what hast thou that thou didst not receive. So you may, with gentleness and patience, catechize this pride in your daughter. Teach her to go a little lower in her contemplation of herself than pride has yet allowed her to go. Ask her, my dear, from whom did you receive your breath, your gifts, your home, your daily mercies. Help her to see that all is received, and therefore there is no cause for boasting.
Gossip is the tongue set loose by pride, for it lifts the self up by casting another down, even a mother and a sister. Instruct her that the Lord calls us to a bridled tongue and a humble mind, and that true honor does not come by speaking against those nearest to us, but by speaking truth in love.
Do not be discouraged when correction is despised. We are not to alter the truth to suit the fancies of the rebellious, but to hold fast the faithful word. Continue to correct her in love, not in anger, but with steady firmness, showing her that correction is not rejection but love seeking her good. A Christian mother proves herself a true daughter of Sarah not by fear or amazement in trial, but by holy patience in adversity. Let your patience, your consistency, and your own humility before God be the sermon she sees daily.
Point her ever to Christ. Tell her that there are no golden handles put to the doors of heaven to suit our pride, but there is a low door, and all must stoop to enter. Christ says, Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. It is only when she sees her need of Him that pride will be taken up by the roots, for the Gospel excludes all boasting and lays us low that grace may lift us up.
We pray with you now.
O Lord our God, look in mercy upon this daughter and upon her mother and her sister. Thou seest the pride that would lead a young heart astray, and the sorrow it brings into the home. By Thy Spirit humble this dear child, show her her need of Thy grace, and turn her tongue from gossip to truth and kindness. Give her a tender and teachable heart, willing to receive correction. Grant to her mother wisdom, patience, and strength to train her faithfully, without weariness, and to adorn the Gospel by a quiet and gentle spirit. Bring this whole household to rest more fully upon Christ, who alone saves, and let Thy name be honored in their lives. In the name of Jesus our Redeemer we ask it, Amen.
The spirit you describe is one which the Scriptures warn us of with great solemnity. Pride, as the Word teaches, has its seat in the heart of man and its consequence is destruction. It has no solid rock on which to stand, for we have nothing to be proud of, and what hast thou that thou didst not receive. Yet it lurks in every heart, and takes many shapes, and he who is over head and heels in pride is often the most likely to imagine that he is not proud at all. It is hateful to God, and when most successful it stands in slippery places.
You see this in her readiness to gossip and to turn aside correction, and in that entitlement which says in effect, I am right and my parents are wrong. Pride is shallow and cannot endure honest questioning. The apostle Paul assailed it by putting it through a catechism, asking, what hast thou that thou didst not receive. So you may, with gentleness and patience, catechize this pride in your daughter. Teach her to go a little lower in her contemplation of herself than pride has yet allowed her to go. Ask her, my dear, from whom did you receive your breath, your gifts, your home, your daily mercies. Help her to see that all is received, and therefore there is no cause for boasting.
Gossip is the tongue set loose by pride, for it lifts the self up by casting another down, even a mother and a sister. Instruct her that the Lord calls us to a bridled tongue and a humble mind, and that true honor does not come by speaking against those nearest to us, but by speaking truth in love.
Do not be discouraged when correction is despised. We are not to alter the truth to suit the fancies of the rebellious, but to hold fast the faithful word. Continue to correct her in love, not in anger, but with steady firmness, showing her that correction is not rejection but love seeking her good. A Christian mother proves herself a true daughter of Sarah not by fear or amazement in trial, but by holy patience in adversity. Let your patience, your consistency, and your own humility before God be the sermon she sees daily.
Point her ever to Christ. Tell her that there are no golden handles put to the doors of heaven to suit our pride, but there is a low door, and all must stoop to enter. Christ says, Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. It is only when she sees her need of Him that pride will be taken up by the roots, for the Gospel excludes all boasting and lays us low that grace may lift us up.
We pray with you now.
O Lord our God, look in mercy upon this daughter and upon her mother and her sister. Thou seest the pride that would lead a young heart astray, and the sorrow it brings into the home. By Thy Spirit humble this dear child, show her her need of Thy grace, and turn her tongue from gossip to truth and kindness. Give her a tender and teachable heart, willing to receive correction. Grant to her mother wisdom, patience, and strength to train her faithfully, without weariness, and to adorn the Gospel by a quiet and gentle spirit. Bring this whole household to rest more fully upon Christ, who alone saves, and let Thy name be honored in their lives. In the name of Jesus our Redeemer we ask it, Amen.
