Crush as an Idol

[Anonymous]

Dear fellow believers, I'd really like my crush feelings to dissolve. I don't want to fall victim to my own thinking and idolize a woman I like. I really want to get to know her and learn about her and not be drawn to fleeting fantasies of how she might be. I have never been this interested in someone. Theres all sorts of things I want to ask her and ways I'd like to know her as a friend. I think it's her opinions and the depth she has in conversations in a controlled work setting. I don't trust my friends wisdom on this crush feeling. They are the same friends who just told me to hook up with a married woman even though it's against my moral beliefs. I feel I've outgrown knowing these friends, but I give them grace and forgiveness. They are not a priority in my life anymore. There's so many poly people around and I seek more christians. Life and even the bible has so many that speak out and give wisdom no matter there background or own issues. God really needs to lead me away from idolization. I really want a real partnership, with a woman who wants to build a life with me. Who chooses me over and over again. Let Jesus move me in a way that I can have the crush feeling go away and really see if this is God's will to ask this woman out. It's a longshot. I just don't know what to do. If she felt curious to explore it, I would tell her how I really want to focus on courtship and not a casual thing. But, I'm so ahead of myself. And we work together. So maybe I shouldn't say anything and if it's god's will it'll jus

 

[Articles]

We hear your heart in this and we commend you for the honesty and discernment you are showing. You recognize the danger of turning a crush into an idol and you want to see this woman clearly rather than through fleeting fantasies, and that desire to honor God with your thoughts is wisdom. We join you in asking God to guard your heart and to keep Him on the throne of your heart above any person or desire.

The scripture warns us to keep our hearts with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life in Proverbs 4:23, and to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ in 2 Corinthians 10:5. An idol is anything we put before God, and we are told you shall have no other gods before me in Exodus 20:3 and little children, keep yourselves from idols in 1 John 5:21. To love God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind in Matthew 22:37 must come first, and when we do that He shapes our affections rightly. Your crush feelings themselves are not sin, but when we dwell on fantasies and build up an image of who we think someone might be, we stop seeing the real person and we give that imagined person a place only God should have. We encourage you to practice what is taught in Philippians 4:8 to think on whatever things are true, honorable, just, pure and lovely, and to bring every thought about her to God in prayer rather than letting your mind run ahead.

We also affirm your decision to reject the counsel of your friends who told you to hook up with a married woman. That is adultery and it is clearly forbidden by God in Exodus 20:14 and Hebrews 13:4 says let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled, but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. The fact that you held to your moral beliefs even when pressured shows God is working in you. You are right not to trust wisdom that encourages sin, for bad company corrupts good morals in 1 Corinthians 15:33 and blessed is the man who doesn’t walk in the counsel of the wicked in Psalm 1:1. It is right to forgive those friends as you have, but it is also biblical to outgrow that fellowship and to seek wiser counsel, for he who walks with wise men will be wise in Proverbs 13:20. In the same way, the polyamory you see around you is not God’s design. God created marriage as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, and any sexual activity outside of that marriage, whether called casual, poly, or hook up, is fornication or adultery and dishonors Him. Your desire for a real partnership with a woman who chooses you over and over again is a godly desire for marriage, and we strongly endorse that pursuit of a godly wife rather than a casual partner.

You said you want to get to know her as a friend and to learn about her true opinions and depth, and to pursue courtship rather than a casual thing if God wills it. That is the right framework. Courtship should be intentional with the goal of discerning marriage to another Christian believer, and we must not be unequally yoked with unbelievers in 2 Corinthians 6:14. Is this woman a believer who loves Jesus and seeks to follow Him? That is the first and most important question to prayerfully discern as you get to know her in appropriate, pure ways. We also urge caution because you work together. We are to work heartily as for the Lord in Colossians 3:23, and to maintain integrity and boundaries in the workplace. Do not let fantasies or pressure push you to act hastily. Instead seek wisdom from God who gives to all liberally and without reproach in James 1:5, and seek counsel from mature Christians in your church rather than from those who do not share your values. We encourage you to actively pursue fellowship with more believers as you desire, not forsaking our own assembling together in Hebrews 10:25, so you are surrounded by people who will speak truth and encourage purity.

We pray with you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, thanking You for this brother’s tender conscience and his desire to honor You. We ask You to gently dissolve any idolatrous crush feelings and replace fantasies with truth and peace. Take every thought captive and help him to see this woman as she truly is, Your daughter made in Your image, not as an imagined ideal. We ask You to guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus according to Philippians 4:6-7 and to fill him with Your Spirit of power, love, and self-control in 2 Timothy 1:7. Lead him away from idolatry and help him to delight himself in You first, trusting that You will give him the desires of his heart as he seeks first Your Kingdom and Your righteousness in Psalm 37:4 and Matthew 6:33. If it is Your will for him to pursue this woman in godly courtship toward marriage, make that path clear with open doors, mutual interest, and wise counsel, and give him courage and purity in his words and actions. If it is not Your will, give him grace to release it fully and to trust Your better plan. Surround him with godly Christian community and mentors who will encourage him toward holiness, and keep his steps from sexual immorality and adultery. We trust You to guide him as he trusts in You with all his heart and does not lean on his own understanding in Proverbs 3:5-6. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to keep praying daily, to keep your interactions with her friendly, respectful, and public, and to let any next step come from clear, sober discernment and not from heightened emotion. Do not just passively wait thinking if it is God’s will it will just happen without wisdom, but also do not rush ahead of yourself. Seek the Lord, seek godly counsel, observe her character and faith over time, and trust that God who sees your longing for a faithful marriage will lead you in the right way at the right time.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear the tension you are carrying and we admire how carefully you are trying to handle it. You want to know this woman as she really is, not as an imagined version, and you want God to lead whether friendship or something more is right. Wanting that clarity instead of chasing a feeling is a mature place to be.

Working together does add wisdom questions, and it makes sense you feel ahead of yourself. One thing that helps when idealization creeps in is to stay grounded in what you actually know about a person from real conversation, not what you hope she might be. Letting friendship develop slowly at work, with clear professional boundaries and without private fantasy, often brings that focus.

We are also encouraged that you recognized your friends' advice to pursue a married woman was not for you and that you are looking for community with other believers who share your convictions. That longing for better counsel is worth following.

A practical next step could be to invite one trusted, older Christian man who knows you to walk with you in this for a few weeks, someone outside that friend circle, to pray with you and help you weigh timing and how to approach a coworker wisely.

Father, we bring our brother before You in Jesus name. Calm the rush of thoughts and help him see this woman and himself clearly. Give him wisdom, self control and peace as he seeks Your will for friendship and for a future partnership. Guide his steps and guard his heart. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your willingness to bring this crushing and confusing affection before the Lord is itself a mercy, and it shows that He is already at work in your heart to keep you from idolatry and to write His law there.

You have asked rightly. You do not want fantasy to take the place of reality, nor a fleeting feeling to become a master over you. An idol is anything we set upon the throne that belongs to Christ alone, and the way to be kept from it is not merely to try harder to feel less, but to trust in the Lord who alone can change the human will and make us willing in the day of His power, working in us to will and to do of His good pleasure. As you have prayed, let your constant thought be, if the Lord wills. There is wisdom in being passive in the hand of God for a season, to stand still until the cloudy and fiery pillar moves before you. No harm can come to you if you bow to His sovereign sway, for His will is the axle of the universe and the great heart of providence.

We thank God with you that you turned away when counseled to pursue a married woman. That counsel was not wisdom, and to break the covenant of marriage is never profitable, though the world may call it freedom. The Lord calls His people to purity as well as charity, to be unspotted from the world, without which no man shall see the Lord. His design for intimacy is clear and good, that marriage is the lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and that sexual union and living together belong only within that covenant. The polyamory you see around you and the casual hookup culture are not the path of holiness, and you are right to desire to be separated from them and to seek fellowship among believers who will give you counsel from the Word. Continue to give grace and forgiveness to your former friends, but seek your wisdom from those who delight in the law of the Lord and whose lives show it.

For this woman at your workplace, the right way is the patient way. Ask the Lord to dissolve mere fantasy and to let you see her truly as a person made in His image, with opinions and depth that are to be respected, not idealized. Guard your thoughts by bringing them captive to Christ, by meditation in the Scriptures which never mislead, and by prayer that your affections would be ordered rightly. Treat her as a sister in Christ first, with courtesy and restraint that befits a controlled work setting. Do not be hasty to speak of deeper intentions. If the Lord wills for you to know her more as a friend and then to explore courtship with marriage in view, He is able to open that door in His time and to make it plain to both of you. Courtship that aims at a faithful, lifelong partnership where each chooses the other again and again is a good desire when it is submitted to Christ and pursued in purity, without presumption and without impurity.

We will pray for you, that the Lord would keep your heart fixed, trusting in Him, and deliver you from anxious care. May He fulfill His promise to put His laws into your mind and write them on your heart, so that it becomes your delight to renounce everything of self and to cling close to God and walk in His ways. May He grant you a true Christian community to walk beside you, and may He lead you step by step, so that whether He calls you to wait, to pursue a godly friendship, or in time to speak plainly about courtship, you will do all with a clear conscience and with the prayer, Father, thy will be done on earth even as it is in heaven.

Father, we ask that you would keep this brother unspotted from the world, guard his mind from idle fantasy, and fill his heart with love for Christ above all. Grant him wisdom at work, grace to see this woman as you see her, and contentment to wait upon your will. If it be your will, make the next steps plain, and help him to pursue purity and truth for your glory. Lead him to faithful believers who will speak your Word to him, and cause him to trust in you as his true wisdom. In Jesus name, Amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Jonathan_M]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.