You’ve poured out your heart, and I can feel the two currents running through it, a warm affection and a quiet, steady fear that things are moving too swiftly for your soul to keep pace. That is not weakness, and it is not unbelief. It is the honest instinct of a soul that wants to walk in step with its Lord, and I thank God for it. There is a kind of haste that comes from the flesh, all froth and fire, and there is a holy deliberation that comes from the Spirit, which makes a pilgrim pause and ask, “Is this the way? Is this the time?” You are doing that, and it is a mercy.
When a ship comes into deep water and the wind fills the sails, even an experienced mariner will keep his hand near the tiller and his eyes on the chart. He does not curse the breeze, but he does not let it blow him where it will. So it is with you. The affection you feel is not to be despised, the Lord who made the heart does not mock it when it beats a little faster. But He has also given you a will that can be brought into happy captivity to His own will, and that is the safe harbor for all our flutterings. You have asked that God would slow things down if that is His good pleasure. That prayer did not rise from your own wisdom alone; it is the sort of prayer the Holy Spirit loves to shape upon a believer’s lips. Keep it there.
Do not be surprised if the Lord answers by sending you not a great gust of clarity, but a quiet, steady light that grows like the dawn. Our times are in His hand, and He is never in a hurry, never taken off guard by a sudden promotion, a new affection, or a heart that feels tugged in two directions at once. The potter’s wheel spins at whatever speed He chooses, and the clay does not leap up to dictate the pace. I do not say this to belittle you, far from it, but to enfold you in the comfort of it. You are not the master of events; you are a child, and when a child is flustered by too much hurry, a wise father will gently lift her up and set her on a quieter path for a while. Ask Him to do that, and then trust Him to do it in the way that seems best to infinite love.
As for this young man, I cannot call him anything else, though his years may be more than you guess, for his heart seems to be reaching out toward something he does not yet fully grasp, you have done a gracious thing in asking prayer for him. He is, as you say, thrown to the wolves in his work, and that is no small trial. But there is a greater work than any department can assign him, and that is the work of coming to know the Lord Jesus as He is, without the confusion and false notions that cling to so many of us in our early going. You cannot untangle all those threads for him; only the Spirit can wind truth around a soul until it holds fast. But you can be a quiet witness, a steady friend whose own peace speaks louder than a hundred arguments. And you can pray. Oh, never despise the ministry of a praying heart for a person you care about! It is like a hidden anchor, holding the vessel when the currents would sweep it away.
Now, as for the rapid pace of things, let me leave this simple picture with you. A man plants a sapling in his garden, and every morning he goes out and pulls at it a little to see if the roots have taken hold. That poor tree will never thrive under such treatment. Love, when it is of God, grows its roots downward as well as its branches upward, and both happen in the dark, in a silence that the gardener’s fretful fingers cannot improve. You are not required to decide everything this week, this month, or even this season. Walk with the Lord day by day, and as you do, He will make your way plain, not all at once, perhaps, but step by step. The cloud moves when the pillar of fire moves, and not a moment before.
I will bow with you now, and together we will hand this tangled bundle over to the One who straightens what is crooked and calms what is tempestuous.
Lord Jesus, You who stilled the storm with a word, speak peace to this dear heart that has come to the end of its own steering. You see the affection that has budded and the uncertainty that twines around it. You know this young man and all the confusions he carries, and You know the path this relationship will take. If it is a path that leads to holiness and mutual help, then hedge it in with Your providence and let none snatch it away until Your time is ripe. But if it is not Your good and perfect will, then I ask You to make that clear as gently as a Father waking a child from a troubling dream, with kindness, with certainty, with a love that leaves no wound. In the meanwhile, grant this soul the peace that passes understanding, the patience of the saints, and a teachable spirit that rests in Your wisdom. Hold back the pace where haste would harm, and quicken it only where faith requires a step. You are the Shepherd; carry the lamb when the way is too steep, and let Your presence be the one thing needful. Amen.