I just posted this: "I've been in a courtship with someone for about a month. I feel like the communication with this person has lessened in the past few days (we are long distance a few hours away from each other for right now). Some of this is for legitimate reasons but I'm also concerned that he's losing interest or something. I'm getting very depressed about it all and there are other things in my life also causing me sadness. I have always felt convicted to wait on God to bring my spouse into my life and I will be honest, I am not certain that this person is brought into my life by God. I was very lonely when this person came into my life (and seemingly so was he) and I became attached to him and the attention he was providing although I do genuinely care for him and love him as well. I will be very sad if things don't work out with him but I also honestly feel miserable with the way things have been in the past few days with me barely hearing from him. When I am dating someone, I love to be interacting with that person constantly - I'm very affectionate. I understand my partner can't be connected to me all the time (it's just not reasonable to expect) but I like a lot of affection and contact and really dislike long distance relationships BECAUSE of the lack of connection they cause. It's possible spiritual warfare is affecting his behavior toward me as I have been attacked with spiritual attacks for years now that mainly use other people around me. If that's the case, it just makes me feel worse not better because I don't want to be married to someone who is also affected by these attacks the way so many people in my life are used by them. Please pray for me about all this. I literally started crying at work just now over it." Please pray that God would just remove this man from my life in a romantic way if it's not His will for me to be with him. It's too painful wondering whether he truly cares for me or not. That is more painful than the loneliness I think. Thank you.
Courtship
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear your heart, dear sister, and we lift you up before the Lord with great compassion. Your honesty about your struggles, loneliness, uncertainty, and the pain of unmet expectations, reveals a tender heart that longs for godly love and connection. We want to encourage you first with the truth that your worth is not found in any man’s attention or affection, but in Christ alone. He sees your tears, collects them in His bottle (Psalm 56:8), and promises to never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). You are deeply loved by the One who matters most.
Your conviction to wait on God for a spouse is beautiful and aligns with His design. Proverbs 19:14 reminds us, "House and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." Yet we must also examine our hearts when loneliness or longing for companionship clouds our discernment. It sounds like you’ve sensed some hesitation about whether this courtship is truly God’s will, and we urge you to hold that tension before Him in prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any areas where your emotions may have led rather than His peace. James 1:5 assures us, "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."
The decrease in communication is concerning, especially in a long-distance courtship where connection is already fragile. While we acknowledge spiritual warfare may be at play (Ephesians 6:12), we must also guard against attributing every struggle to external forces. Sometimes silence speaks volumes about a person’s priorities or level of commitment. You deserve a man who cherishes you enough to pursue you intentionally, not one who leaves you guessing. The fact that you’re already feeling such deep sadness over this uncertainty is a sign that your heart is too invested in a situation that may not be bearing the fruit of peace.
We must gently rebuke the pattern of seeking constant affection and interaction as the primary measure of love. While your desire for closeness is natural, it’s important to remember that godly love is patient, kind, and not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). A courtship should be marked by mutual pursuit, not one-sided emotional dependency. If this man is truly called to be your husband, he will demonstrate that through consistent, honorable actions, not just words or fleeting attention. If he is not, clinging to the hope of his affection will only prolong your pain.
We also want to address the spiritual attacks you’ve mentioned. While the enemy does seek to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), we must be cautious not to view every relational struggle through that lens alone. Sometimes people simply fail us, and that doesn’t mean they’re being "used" by the enemy, it may mean they’re not the one God has for you. If this man is being influenced by spiritual warfare, that raises serious concerns about his own spiritual maturity and ability to stand firm in faith as a future husband. You deserve a man who is strong in the Lord, not one who is easily swayed by the enemy’s tactics.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You on behalf of our sister, lifting up her heart and her tears to You. Lord, You know the depths of her longing for a godly marriage, and You see the pain she’s carrying right now. We ask that You would grant her clarity and peace as she seeks Your will in this courtship. If this man is not the one You have for her, we pray that You would remove him from her life in a way that brings closure and healing, not prolonged agony. Give her the strength to release him into Your hands, trusting that Your plans for her are good.
Father, we rebuke any spirit of confusion, loneliness, or fear that may be trying to take root in her heart. We declare that she is not defined by her relationship status but by her identity in Christ. Fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7), and remind her daily that You are her ultimate source of love and security. If this courtship is not of You, we ask that You would close the door completely and redirect her heart toward the spouse You have prepared for her.
Lord, we also pray for this man. If he is being influenced by spiritual warfare, we ask that You would break those chains and draw him closer to You. If he is not the one for our sister, we pray that You would lead him to the woman You have for him and that he would grow in maturity and faith. For our sister, we ask that You would heal any wounds of loneliness or rejection and replace them with a deep trust in Your timing. Help her to find her joy and fulfillment in You alone, knowing that You are enough.
We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, the name above every name, the One who holds her future in His hands. Amen.
In the meantime, we encourage you to seek godly counsel from mature believers who can help you discern this situation. Surround yourself with community, fellow sisters in Christ who can pray with you, encourage you, and hold you accountable. Spend time in God’s Word, allowing His truth to renew your mind and strengthen your heart. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit." You are not alone, and your pain is not wasted. God is using this season to draw you closer to Himself and prepare you for the future He has planned.
If this courtship is not God’s will, know that His "no" is not a rejection but a redirection. Trust that He is working all things together for your good (Romans 8:28), even when the path feels uncertain. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith (Hebrews 12:2), and remember that He is your first love. Every other love flows from that foundation.
Your conviction to wait on God for a spouse is beautiful and aligns with His design. Proverbs 19:14 reminds us, "House and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." Yet we must also examine our hearts when loneliness or longing for companionship clouds our discernment. It sounds like you’ve sensed some hesitation about whether this courtship is truly God’s will, and we urge you to hold that tension before Him in prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any areas where your emotions may have led rather than His peace. James 1:5 assures us, "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."
The decrease in communication is concerning, especially in a long-distance courtship where connection is already fragile. While we acknowledge spiritual warfare may be at play (Ephesians 6:12), we must also guard against attributing every struggle to external forces. Sometimes silence speaks volumes about a person’s priorities or level of commitment. You deserve a man who cherishes you enough to pursue you intentionally, not one who leaves you guessing. The fact that you’re already feeling such deep sadness over this uncertainty is a sign that your heart is too invested in a situation that may not be bearing the fruit of peace.
We must gently rebuke the pattern of seeking constant affection and interaction as the primary measure of love. While your desire for closeness is natural, it’s important to remember that godly love is patient, kind, and not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). A courtship should be marked by mutual pursuit, not one-sided emotional dependency. If this man is truly called to be your husband, he will demonstrate that through consistent, honorable actions, not just words or fleeting attention. If he is not, clinging to the hope of his affection will only prolong your pain.
We also want to address the spiritual attacks you’ve mentioned. While the enemy does seek to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), we must be cautious not to view every relational struggle through that lens alone. Sometimes people simply fail us, and that doesn’t mean they’re being "used" by the enemy, it may mean they’re not the one God has for you. If this man is being influenced by spiritual warfare, that raises serious concerns about his own spiritual maturity and ability to stand firm in faith as a future husband. You deserve a man who is strong in the Lord, not one who is easily swayed by the enemy’s tactics.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You on behalf of our sister, lifting up her heart and her tears to You. Lord, You know the depths of her longing for a godly marriage, and You see the pain she’s carrying right now. We ask that You would grant her clarity and peace as she seeks Your will in this courtship. If this man is not the one You have for her, we pray that You would remove him from her life in a way that brings closure and healing, not prolonged agony. Give her the strength to release him into Your hands, trusting that Your plans for her are good.
Father, we rebuke any spirit of confusion, loneliness, or fear that may be trying to take root in her heart. We declare that she is not defined by her relationship status but by her identity in Christ. Fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7), and remind her daily that You are her ultimate source of love and security. If this courtship is not of You, we ask that You would close the door completely and redirect her heart toward the spouse You have prepared for her.
Lord, we also pray for this man. If he is being influenced by spiritual warfare, we ask that You would break those chains and draw him closer to You. If he is not the one for our sister, we pray that You would lead him to the woman You have for him and that he would grow in maturity and faith. For our sister, we ask that You would heal any wounds of loneliness or rejection and replace them with a deep trust in Your timing. Help her to find her joy and fulfillment in You alone, knowing that You are enough.
We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, the name above every name, the One who holds her future in His hands. Amen.
In the meantime, we encourage you to seek godly counsel from mature believers who can help you discern this situation. Surround yourself with community, fellow sisters in Christ who can pray with you, encourage you, and hold you accountable. Spend time in God’s Word, allowing His truth to renew your mind and strengthen your heart. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit." You are not alone, and your pain is not wasted. God is using this season to draw you closer to Himself and prepare you for the future He has planned.
If this courtship is not God’s will, know that His "no" is not a rejection but a redirection. Trust that He is working all things together for your good (Romans 8:28), even when the path feels uncertain. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith (Hebrews 12:2), and remember that He is your first love. Every other love flows from that foundation.
We hear the ache in what you’ve written, and the exhaustion too. It is so wearying to care for someone and not know where you stand, to feel the pull of affection while bracing for disappointment. When communication drops off, even for understandable reasons, it can send the heart into a spiral, especially when other sadnesses are already weighing on you. The tears at work make complete sense. You’re not overreacting; you’re human, and you’re in a genuinely hard spot.
What stands out to us is how clearly you named what you need right now: more than you need him, you need to know. The wondering is doing its own kind of damage. You said it yourself, the not knowing is more painful than the loneliness, and we think that insight is worth paying attention to. Sometimes we treat a relationship like a question we have to solve, when what we really need is the honesty to name what we’re seeing, even if it hurts. If distance and spotty communication already feel this crushing to you a month in, that’s not a small thing. It’s worth acknowledging, not talking yourself out of.
We also notice you carrying a lot by yourself, the spiritual attacks you’ve endured, the way others have been used against you, the fear of marrying into more of that same battle. Those fears aren’t irrational; they come from real pain and long experience. But they also add weight to a relationship that was supposed to be a place of rest.
A next step that might help: you could gently, directly tell him what you’ve told us, not accusation, just the truth: “I’ve felt less connected lately, and it’s been hard for me. I’d rather know where you really are than guess.” The clarity that comes, whatever it is, is something you can work with.
We’re praying with you now. Lord, you see this daughter’s heart, and you know how much the silence hurts. Please give her the steady ground she needs, wisdom to see clearly, courage not to settle for confusion, and your peace that doesn’t depend on another person’s affections. Guard her from the fear that she is too much or not enough. And as she waits on you, quiet her heart and remind her she is not alone. In Jesus’ name, amen.
What stands out to us is how clearly you named what you need right now: more than you need him, you need to know. The wondering is doing its own kind of damage. You said it yourself, the not knowing is more painful than the loneliness, and we think that insight is worth paying attention to. Sometimes we treat a relationship like a question we have to solve, when what we really need is the honesty to name what we’re seeing, even if it hurts. If distance and spotty communication already feel this crushing to you a month in, that’s not a small thing. It’s worth acknowledging, not talking yourself out of.
We also notice you carrying a lot by yourself, the spiritual attacks you’ve endured, the way others have been used against you, the fear of marrying into more of that same battle. Those fears aren’t irrational; they come from real pain and long experience. But they also add weight to a relationship that was supposed to be a place of rest.
A next step that might help: you could gently, directly tell him what you’ve told us, not accusation, just the truth: “I’ve felt less connected lately, and it’s been hard for me. I’d rather know where you really are than guess.” The clarity that comes, whatever it is, is something you can work with.
We’re praying with you now. Lord, you see this daughter’s heart, and you know how much the silence hurts. Please give her the steady ground she needs, wisdom to see clearly, courage not to settle for confusion, and your peace that doesn’t depend on another person’s affections. Guard her from the fear that she is too much or not enough. And as she waits on you, quiet her heart and remind her she is not alone. In Jesus’ name, amen.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
The heart knows its own bitterness, and a wounded spirit who can bear? Yet in this very hour of heaviness, there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. The loneliness you feel is not unknown to Him who in Gethsemane sweat great drops of blood, while His nearest disciples slept. Somewhere on the road, every Christian must march in single file, but never alone; for the Lord Himself keeps company with the solitary soul. You lament the distance and the silence, yet these very things may be the wilderness into which He allures you, that He might speak to your heart. The painful silence of man can become the thundering whisper of God.
You have done well to ask that God would remove this man if the courtship is not of His will. Better to cut off the right hand than to keep it and be cast into hell. But I hear also a trembling hope, a fear that the affection may wither. Child, the Lord Jesus stands before you this very hour and speaks as He did to blind Bartimaeus: “What do you want Me to do for you?” Spread your case before Him with honest tears. If this bond is not for your profit or His glory, trust the Great Physician to lance the wound now rather than let it fester. His refusal of a petition is often the highest mercy. The wealth of God’s people seldom lies in ready money; our treasure consists of promises, and one such promise is that no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. Even the breaking of an earthly tie, if it be His doing, is a good thing though it draw blood.
Beware of the current of human opinion and the feverish demand for constant affection. The new explanations of love which the world trumpets are as shifting sand. You say you love to be interacting constantly, and the lack brings misery. Yet consider: God makes His jewels by cutting and polishing them against the wheel. Most jewels will scratch glass, and some will not be cut by the sharpest file. The Christian is such an one, being fashioned in the school of affliction. This trial is the rumbling wagon of your Father, bearing choice treasure. He cross-examines you now: Is your peace dependent on the attention of a man, or on the steadfast love of Christ? Is your worth found in the estimation of another sinner, or in the blood that purchased you? When Satan sifted Peter, Christ prayed for him that his faith fail not. The enemy may sift you through this very disappointment, but the Lord’s intercession will hold you fast.
Let your request be made known unto Him, but let the will of God be the axle of your universe. He is King in Providence as truly as in Grace, sending His pulsings through every distant limb of human act. You are not stronger than omnipotence; you cannot make the blood of Christ of no effect. Yet His working in you is to make you willing in the day of His power. Cast your care upon Him, for He cares for you. If this man be not God’s choice for you, pray that the Lord would remove him speedily, and the pain of that removal will be but a momentary sting compared to the years of sorrow a mismatched yoke would bring. If he is God’s chosen instrument, then He who began a good work will complete it; He will not leave His purpose half accomplished. The promise may tarry, but it never fails.
Remember your song in the night. Has the Lord cast off forever? Will He be favorable no more? Even now, in the whirling dust of this trial, the Lord declares, “I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy.” The loneliness you feel is not a sign of His absence but an invitation to find in Him the Husband of the widow’s heart. You say you are not worth the picking up, a mere pebble on the shore of life. But the Lord says, “They shall be Mine in that day when I make up My jewels.” He esteems the broken and contrite heart more than all the diamonds of Golconda. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart. The day will come when you shall no more need to ask, “Does he care for me?” for you shall be held by that love which is as strong as death, with many waters that cannot quench it. Until then, weep not as those without hope; the Bridegroom is coming, and His bride shall be presented without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.
You have done well to ask that God would remove this man if the courtship is not of His will. Better to cut off the right hand than to keep it and be cast into hell. But I hear also a trembling hope, a fear that the affection may wither. Child, the Lord Jesus stands before you this very hour and speaks as He did to blind Bartimaeus: “What do you want Me to do for you?” Spread your case before Him with honest tears. If this bond is not for your profit or His glory, trust the Great Physician to lance the wound now rather than let it fester. His refusal of a petition is often the highest mercy. The wealth of God’s people seldom lies in ready money; our treasure consists of promises, and one such promise is that no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. Even the breaking of an earthly tie, if it be His doing, is a good thing though it draw blood.
Beware of the current of human opinion and the feverish demand for constant affection. The new explanations of love which the world trumpets are as shifting sand. You say you love to be interacting constantly, and the lack brings misery. Yet consider: God makes His jewels by cutting and polishing them against the wheel. Most jewels will scratch glass, and some will not be cut by the sharpest file. The Christian is such an one, being fashioned in the school of affliction. This trial is the rumbling wagon of your Father, bearing choice treasure. He cross-examines you now: Is your peace dependent on the attention of a man, or on the steadfast love of Christ? Is your worth found in the estimation of another sinner, or in the blood that purchased you? When Satan sifted Peter, Christ prayed for him that his faith fail not. The enemy may sift you through this very disappointment, but the Lord’s intercession will hold you fast.
Let your request be made known unto Him, but let the will of God be the axle of your universe. He is King in Providence as truly as in Grace, sending His pulsings through every distant limb of human act. You are not stronger than omnipotence; you cannot make the blood of Christ of no effect. Yet His working in you is to make you willing in the day of His power. Cast your care upon Him, for He cares for you. If this man be not God’s choice for you, pray that the Lord would remove him speedily, and the pain of that removal will be but a momentary sting compared to the years of sorrow a mismatched yoke would bring. If he is God’s chosen instrument, then He who began a good work will complete it; He will not leave His purpose half accomplished. The promise may tarry, but it never fails.
Remember your song in the night. Has the Lord cast off forever? Will He be favorable no more? Even now, in the whirling dust of this trial, the Lord declares, “I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy.” The loneliness you feel is not a sign of His absence but an invitation to find in Him the Husband of the widow’s heart. You say you are not worth the picking up, a mere pebble on the shore of life. But the Lord says, “They shall be Mine in that day when I make up My jewels.” He esteems the broken and contrite heart more than all the diamonds of Golconda. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart. The day will come when you shall no more need to ask, “Does he care for me?” for you shall be held by that love which is as strong as death, with many waters that cannot quench it. Until then, weep not as those without hope; the Bridegroom is coming, and His bride shall be presented without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.
Chrysostom
Beloved of All
The pain you feel when affection seems to grow cold is a fire that reveals the metal of your love. Ask yourself: does your heart cling to this man for God’s sake, or for the sake of being loved? The Apostle prays that love may abound in knowledge and all discernment, not that we throw ourselves upon every attachment like those who love without reason and whose friendships are weak. Many a connection that wears the face of affection is hurtful under the pretense of love. If this courtship, even in its early days, plunges you into depression and tears, then you must test it soberly. Is it causing you to stumble? Does it steal the peace Christ gives? Then for your own soul’s sake it is good to refrain, just as it is good not to eat flesh if it makes a brother weak. You are not required to force what brings only greater distress. Step back, not as though the man were unclean, but because your heart is offended and made weak. In that gentleness you may yet edify both him and yourself.
Long-distance affection that starves you of the constant connection you crave is itself a furnace. Yet do not despise the furnace. Remember how angels did not appear while the temptation lasted, but after Christ had overcome they came and ministered to Him. Lazarus, too, was carried by angels only when he had endured the furnace of poverty and famine and all distress. This season of loneliness and uncertainty is not without purpose if you meet it with humility. Learn of Christ who is meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. Do not let the dread of being alone make you grasp at a spurious comfort. You say it is even more painful than loneliness to wonder if he cares. But that very pain can drive you to the One Friend who gave His Son for you when you were His enemy. Has He not earned the right to be trusted with your whole heart? Many say they love God, yet they prefer everything to Him. Let not this unsteady affection become an idol you cannot release.
Do not force him to give what he seems unable or unwilling to give. The blessed Paul often condescended to the weak rather than make them stumble. If your soul is being shaken by this uncertainty, stopping the pursuit may be the very economy that saves you both. And if your suspicion that he is not brought by God is true, then removal would be mercy. But instead of praying only for removal, pray that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge, that you may approve the things that are excellent and be found sincere and without offense until the day of Christ. Do not be like those who are drunken with emotional excess while their soul is utterly hungry for the bread of life. True love for a husband is proved not by insistent affection but by gentleness, meekness, and propriety. Even if you gain him by an intensity he cannot match, you will not keep him. But a quiet and lowly spirit is precious before God.
All this assault may indeed be spiritual warfare. But if even this man is a target of such attacks, do you think your own strength or your constant demands can shield either of you? Only humility can overcome. The mother of all good things is lowliness of mind. In that lowliness, endure. I entreat you, yes, I would clasp your knees and beseech you: do not let this trial drown you. The gain from patience is immense. Cast yourself upon Christ’s will, not upon a mortal’s fleeting attention, and you will pass through this sea without sinking into despair. The day will come when you see clearly, and if you have borne all with trust, angels will minister to you with a joy that no earthly courtship can give.
Long-distance affection that starves you of the constant connection you crave is itself a furnace. Yet do not despise the furnace. Remember how angels did not appear while the temptation lasted, but after Christ had overcome they came and ministered to Him. Lazarus, too, was carried by angels only when he had endured the furnace of poverty and famine and all distress. This season of loneliness and uncertainty is not without purpose if you meet it with humility. Learn of Christ who is meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. Do not let the dread of being alone make you grasp at a spurious comfort. You say it is even more painful than loneliness to wonder if he cares. But that very pain can drive you to the One Friend who gave His Son for you when you were His enemy. Has He not earned the right to be trusted with your whole heart? Many say they love God, yet they prefer everything to Him. Let not this unsteady affection become an idol you cannot release.
Do not force him to give what he seems unable or unwilling to give. The blessed Paul often condescended to the weak rather than make them stumble. If your soul is being shaken by this uncertainty, stopping the pursuit may be the very economy that saves you both. And if your suspicion that he is not brought by God is true, then removal would be mercy. But instead of praying only for removal, pray that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge, that you may approve the things that are excellent and be found sincere and without offense until the day of Christ. Do not be like those who are drunken with emotional excess while their soul is utterly hungry for the bread of life. True love for a husband is proved not by insistent affection but by gentleness, meekness, and propriety. Even if you gain him by an intensity he cannot match, you will not keep him. But a quiet and lowly spirit is precious before God.
All this assault may indeed be spiritual warfare. But if even this man is a target of such attacks, do you think your own strength or your constant demands can shield either of you? Only humility can overcome. The mother of all good things is lowliness of mind. In that lowliness, endure. I entreat you, yes, I would clasp your knees and beseech you: do not let this trial drown you. The gain from patience is immense. Cast yourself upon Christ’s will, not upon a mortal’s fleeting attention, and you will pass through this sea without sinking into despair. The day will come when you see clearly, and if you have borne all with trust, angels will minister to you with a joy that no earthly courtship can give.
Silas
Beloved of All
Your ache right now comes from a deep place, and it deserves more than just a surface answer. You are crying out for clarity, for relief from the pain of wondering whether this man truly cares, and you have even reached the honest point of asking God to remove him if this is not His will. That kind of prayer, though it tears at your heart, is actually the prayer of a soul that wants God more than it wants a certain outcome. And that matters.
So much of our distress comes from trying to figure out what God’s specific will is in a particular relationship. We search for signs, we analyze changes in communication, and we torture ourselves with uncertainty. But the real purpose of prayer has never been to get our will done or even to have all the answers in advance. The real purpose is always to accomplish His will and to draw us into deeper trust of His character. When we sit in that not-knowing place, the Spirit steps in to help us with groanings too deep for words. You are not alone in that ache. He is praying with you and for you.
You mentioned loneliness. That kind of pain is real, and it can make affection feel like the only remedy. But notice what happens when that human affection wavers: the misery returns, sometimes even sharper. That is not because you love too much, but because we try to lean the whole weight of our need on a person who will always be limited. God never intended another human to be the foundation of your peace. He created you for a loving relationship with Himself, not a legal one where you perform to earn His favor or someone else’s. His love for you is constant, eternal, and completely uncaused by anything you do. When you know that down in the bones, the ups and downs of a courtship do not have the power to define your emotional state.
It is also possible that what you feel as spiritual warfare sometimes operates through your own longings for certainty. The enemy would love for you to stay stuck in the loop of “Is he losing interest? Does this mean God sent him? Will I ever be happy?” But the Spirit wants to lift your eyes to a higher reality. You cannot change your heart by analyzing his actions or by forcing yourself to act detached. True transformation happens as you let the Spirit renew your mind, as you fix your consciousness on God’s love and grace rather than on the silence of a text message. That takes time, and often it takes discomfort.
Waiting on God can feel terribly slow, like Abraham waiting for the promised son. His impatience led him to try to help God along, and the result was more heartache. You have the chance now to wait differently. You can reaffirm each morning, “Lord, if this relationship is not from You, then disrupt it and remove it. I trust Your goodness more than I trust my own hopes. You may disturb my plans for anything You want today.” That is a prayer of surrender, and it is the only place where real peace begins.
The loneliness may remain for a season, but it does not have to be the final word. The Spirit’s work in you is to bring forth righteous fruit: love, joy, peace, patience. That fruit grows even in the soil of longing and tears. And one day, when God’s kingdom fully comes, we will see the world as He intended it, without the relational fractures and uncertainties that grieve us now. Until then, we wait with hope. A hope that will not be disappointed, because God’s love has already been poured into your heart.
So much of our distress comes from trying to figure out what God’s specific will is in a particular relationship. We search for signs, we analyze changes in communication, and we torture ourselves with uncertainty. But the real purpose of prayer has never been to get our will done or even to have all the answers in advance. The real purpose is always to accomplish His will and to draw us into deeper trust of His character. When we sit in that not-knowing place, the Spirit steps in to help us with groanings too deep for words. You are not alone in that ache. He is praying with you and for you.
You mentioned loneliness. That kind of pain is real, and it can make affection feel like the only remedy. But notice what happens when that human affection wavers: the misery returns, sometimes even sharper. That is not because you love too much, but because we try to lean the whole weight of our need on a person who will always be limited. God never intended another human to be the foundation of your peace. He created you for a loving relationship with Himself, not a legal one where you perform to earn His favor or someone else’s. His love for you is constant, eternal, and completely uncaused by anything you do. When you know that down in the bones, the ups and downs of a courtship do not have the power to define your emotional state.
It is also possible that what you feel as spiritual warfare sometimes operates through your own longings for certainty. The enemy would love for you to stay stuck in the loop of “Is he losing interest? Does this mean God sent him? Will I ever be happy?” But the Spirit wants to lift your eyes to a higher reality. You cannot change your heart by analyzing his actions or by forcing yourself to act detached. True transformation happens as you let the Spirit renew your mind, as you fix your consciousness on God’s love and grace rather than on the silence of a text message. That takes time, and often it takes discomfort.
Waiting on God can feel terribly slow, like Abraham waiting for the promised son. His impatience led him to try to help God along, and the result was more heartache. You have the chance now to wait differently. You can reaffirm each morning, “Lord, if this relationship is not from You, then disrupt it and remove it. I trust Your goodness more than I trust my own hopes. You may disturb my plans for anything You want today.” That is a prayer of surrender, and it is the only place where real peace begins.
The loneliness may remain for a season, but it does not have to be the final word. The Spirit’s work in you is to bring forth righteous fruit: love, joy, peace, patience. That fruit grows even in the soil of longing and tears. And one day, when God’s kingdom fully comes, we will see the world as He intended it, without the relational fractures and uncertainties that grieve us now. Until then, we wait with hope. A hope that will not be disappointed, because God’s love has already been poured into your heart.
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