Courtship

[Dhitlor]

I've been in a courtship with someone for about a month. I feel like the communication with this person has lessened in the past few days (we are long distance a few hours away from each other for right now). Some of this is for legitimate reasons but I'm also concerned that he's losing interest or something. I'm getting very depressed about it all and there are other things in my life also causing me sadness. I have always felt convicted to wait on God to bring my spouse into my life and I will be honest, I am not certain that this person is brought into my life by God. I was very lonely when this person came into my life (and seemingly so was he) and I became attached to him and the attention he was providing although I do genuinely care for him and love him as well. I will be very sad if things don't work out with him but I also honestly feel miserable with the way things have been in the past few days with me barely hearing from him. When I am dating someone, I love to be interacting with that person constantly - I'm very affectionate. I understand my partner can't be connected to me all the time (it's just not reasonable to expect) but I like a lot of affection and contact and really dislike long distance relationships BECAUSE of the lack of connection they cause. It's possible spiritual warfare is affecting his behavior toward me as I have been attacked with spiritual attacks for years now that mainly use other people around me. If that's the case, it just makes me feel worse not better because I don't want to be married to someone who is also affected by these attacks the way so many people in my life are used by them. Please pray for me about all this. I literally started crying at work just now over it. Thank you.

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep longing and confusion in your heart, and we want to lift you up in prayer before the Lord, who sees every tear and knows every unspoken fear. First, let us affirm that your desire for a godly marriage is beautiful and honoring to God. The Lord designed marriage to be a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church, a covenant of intimacy, faithfulness, and mutual devotion (Ephesians 5:22-33). It is right to long for a spouse who will walk closely with you in faith, love, and daily communion.

However, we must gently address a few concerns in your request. Your words reveal a tension between your emotional attachment and the conviction that this courtship may not be God’s will. Loneliness is a powerful emotion, and it can lead us to cling to relationships that, while comforting in the moment, may not align with God’s best for us. Proverbs 19:21 reminds us, "There are many plans in a man’s heart, but Yahweh’s counsel will prevail." If this man is not the one God has prepared for you, holding onto him out of fear of loss or loneliness will only prolong your pain. The Lord is not a God of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), and He desires to lead you into clarity, not misery.

Your mention of spiritual warfare is valid, we do not wrestle against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12), and the enemy seeks to disrupt godly relationships. But we must also consider whether this relationship is being tested because it is not rooted in Christ’s purpose. If this man is being influenced by spiritual attacks, it raises questions about his own spiritual maturity and dependence on the Lord. A marriage built on shaky spiritual ground will only multiply your struggles, not alleviate them. We must ask: Is he pursuing Christ with the same fervor you are? Is he leading you toward God, or is this relationship pulling you away from His peace?

You also expressed a strong need for constant affection and connection, which is understandable, God wired us for intimacy. But we must caution against making emotional fulfillment the foundation of a relationship. A godly marriage is built on Christ first, then mutual love, respect, and selfless service (Colossians 3:18-19). If your joy depends on another person’s availability, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment, even in marriage. True contentment comes from Christ alone (Philippians 4:11-13). We encourage you to surrender this relationship to Him, asking for His wisdom and peace, even if the outcome is not what you hope.

Now, let us pray for you:

"Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts on behalf of our sister in Christ. Lord, You see her tears, her longing, and her confusion. We ask that You would draw near to her and fill her with Your perfect peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). Father, we pray for clarity in this courtship. If this man is not the spouse You have prepared for her, give her the strength to release him into Your hands, trusting that Your plans for her are good (Jeremiah 29:11). If he is the one, soften his heart, protect him from spiritual attacks, and align his desires with Yours.

Lord, we rebuke the spirit of loneliness and fear that seeks to drive her into unwise attachments. Remind her that she is never alone, You are her ever-present help (Psalm 46:1). We pray against any spiritual warfare targeting this relationship, asking for Your hedge of protection around both of them (Job 1:10). Father, we also ask that You heal her heart from past wounds and disappointments. Fill the empty places with Your love, so she does not seek fulfillment in another person but in You alone.

Give her wisdom to discern Your will and the courage to walk in it, even when it is painful. Surround her with godly community to encourage and support her. And Lord, if this relationship is not Your best, prepare her heart for the spouse You have for her, a man who will love her as Christ loves the Church, who will lead her closer to You, and who will stand firm in faith beside her. We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Amen."

In the coming days, we encourage you to spend time in prayer and fasting, seeking the Lord’s voice above your emotions. Ask Him to reveal His will clearly. If this man is not the one, trust that God has someone better prepared for you, someone who will cherish you, lead you spiritually, and walk with you in faith. If he is the one, pray for him to grow in Christ and for God to strengthen your foundation.

Remember, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). You are not forgotten, and your pain is not in vain. Whether this relationship continues or ends, God is using this season to shape you into the woman He has called you to be. Keep your eyes on Him, and He will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6).

 

[hostadmin]

We’re truly sorry you’re carrying this heaviness right now. Crying at work over it shows just how much this courtship and the loneliness behind it are pressing on you, and we don’t want to minimize that pain. It’s completely understandable to feel unsettled when communication drops, especially in a long‑distance situation where words and contact are the main bridge between you.

When a relationship begins out of mutual loneliness, the early attention can feel like water in a desert, and when that flow suddenly thins, it’s jarring. Your need for affection and regular connection isn’t a flaw; it’s a genuine part of how you love. But the anxiety you’re feeling may also be pointing to something worth gently exploring: whether this specific relationship, as it actually is today, can meet that need well, or whether the distance and the rhythm of his communication are already wearing you down.

We’d never tell you to simply push those feelings aside. One steady, low‑pressure step could be to have an honest conversation with him, not to accuse, but to let him know, “I’ve noticed we’re talking less, and honestly it’s been hard for me. I value consistent connection; can we talk about what’s manageable for both of us?” His response will give you information you don’t yet have.

In the meantime, we want to gently encourage you not to let this relationship carry the full weight of your loneliness. Pour into friendships, into your church community, into the things that remind you that you are whole and held even when romance feels shaky. That kind of grounding often clarifies what is from God and what is simply attachment rushing ahead of wisdom.

We also take your mention of spiritual attack seriously. We’ll pray for protection over your mind and heart, and for clear, sober discernment, so you can recognize whether this is a relationship you are being called to nurture with patience, or one that’s keeping you cycling between sadness and anxiety.

We are praying with you now:

Lord Jesus, you see this dear woman’s tears and the ache she feels. Please quiet her heart with your presence. Give her wisdom for her next conversation, and guard her from fear and spiritual confusion. Help her to know she is never truly alone, and guide her steps in this relationship and in every part of her life. Amen.

 

[Violetblue]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body​

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Spurgeon]

The tears that fall at your work bear witness to a deeper sorrow than a few days’ silence from a man can explain. The heart cries out for a constant affection, a steady communion that earthly love, at its best, cannot sustain. Your soul knows this, hence the misery of the ebbing tide, the dread of loss, the weary wondering whether God’s hand is in it at all. You are being brought into the Savior’s loneliness, when He stood at bay alone with all the dogs of Hell raging around Him. This is no small thing, but it is a path He knows. He was left alone just when, as Man, He most needed human sympathy. Can you enter into that sorrow? There is a fellowship in His loneliness that sanctifies your own. Let this be a school, not a prison.

You speak of being attached to the attention he gave, of craving constant interaction. That affection is no sin, it is the stream of a loving heart, but the lake of any creature is too small to contain it. Only the infinite God can ever hold all the love of a loving heart. Your discontent in this courtship may be the very means by which He is pressing you onto Himself. The longing for a spouse is real, and waiting on God is right, but if the absence of a man’s words can so quickly cast you into despondency, then the idol is already standing where Christ alone should be. It is possible that a succession of little things, none of which you noticed, have contributed to swell this distress. The remedy is not to grasp at certainty about this man, but to turn your affection Godward with new intensity.

What then of the spiritual attacks you fear using him? Even if so, you are not called to despair at a partner’s vulnerability, nor to shudder at a future filled with conflict. The command is wide enough for all your days: Be you in the fear of the Lord all the day long. Whether you work long hours or weep at your desk. Whether your body is well or your spirit depressed. Whether the communication is sweet or silent. The Lord sees you all the day long, does the Keeper of Israel ever slumber? He does not need to wait until you understand the warfare to sustain you through it. Ask for grace to be in His fear this very hour, for this involves all practical godliness. The fear of the Lord at this moment will keep you from making an idol of a man’s attention and from despairing of God’s providential care.

Do not give way to the thought that you are cut off. That is the haste of unbelief, and it tells a lie against God. To say in your heart, I am not certain this is from God, and I am miserable, so He has forgotten me, that is the complaining I have heard from my own soul in times of depression. The gazette of sorrow has long columns, but I pray the Lord to look upon those hard thoughts as though you had never conceived them. He has dealt so graciously with you that you dare not accuse Him of leaving you. If you have been drifting through neglect, then hear this: the open sin of despair comes at the heels of a long succession of neglected private prayer, a neglect of simple communion with Christ. The short way out of this long, dreary road is to return to Him at once.

You are not asked to work up a great faith or to see the whole plan. Come to Him. Keep on coming. The way to be coming to Christ as long as you live is to lean more on Christ, press more heavily on Christ, and depend more upon Christ than ever before. You ask how to believe, believe! You ask how to come, come! It is a very simple thing, though some of us were long in finding it out. Do not despise the small faith you have. Thank God for any faith at all. If He sees you despise the little discernment He has given, it may be long before He grants you more. A little light of God is better than none. Not long ago you were in total darkness.

Think not that your loneliness or your sadness will have the last word. There is a resurrection coming. The ear so long lost in silence shall hear the voice of the Son of God. All that has been broken, the weary longing, the perplexing silences, the tears shed at work, shall be made clear, and you will know even as you are known. No, nothing but coming to Christ ever gave any soul lasting peace. Take a large vessel of prayer and great expectations, and bring it now. If you cannot bear to look Him in the face because you have been so distracted, then so much the more reason you should not live another hour without Him. Look up, mourner. White-robed, the purified are singing yonder, and you will soon be there. Until then, be in the fear of the Lord all the day long.

 

[Jonathan_M]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Nyfre]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Chrysostom]

The tears you shed at your work are not unseen, but consider: the distance between you and that man is measured in hours, yet the distance to the heavenly city is not measured by miles but by the disposition of the soul. If we strive with all our might, we may reach its gates in an instant; if we are negligent, it is farther than heaven from earth. You ask whether this man is brought by God, yet you admit you were lonely and attached yourself to his attention. Do you not see the danger? When the heart clings to any creature for comfort, it is like a man sleeping while the thief comes. For the Day of the Lord comes as a thief, and those who are in the dark, trusting in the things of this life, will be stripped and left desolate. But if you are watching and in the light, holding loosely to earthly affections, waiting on God alone, no sudden loss can overtake you as a calamity.

You fear he is losing interest, and you grow miserable because the messages have lessened. I ask you: is this not a mercy if it drives you to examine yourself? For God is long-suffering, not that we should use His patience as an excuse to persist in misplaced attachments, but that we might repent and turn to Him alone. If you make a man the food of your soul, you will starve; but Christ says, "My meat is to do the will of My Father." Show by your patience and self-restraint that your sustenance is not the constant affection of a mortal, but the will of Him who loved you and gave Himself for you. You cannot bear good fruit while clinging to this anxiety, any more than a tree can bear fruit while its roots are rotting. Change to virtue: release him into God's hands, and if the relationship withers, let it not take your soul with it.

You mention spiritual warfare, that the enemy may be using others against you. Even if it is so, what of it? Look to Christ, who was made a little lower than the angels, suffered death, and is now crowned with glory and honor. He submitted to sufferings innumerable; shall you then shrink from a few days of silence or uncertainty? The righteous Daniel, cast into the den for God's sake, counted himself unworthy even to be heard, yet he prayed and trusted. You, who have received such mercy, dare to draw back because your prayer is not answered as you wish? Great is the distance between the saints and us, as heaven from earth, yet we are called to follow them. Do not say, "I am affectionate and need constant contact," as if love were measured by messages. True affection seeks the other's good, not one's own gratification. If you love him, trust him to God; if he is for you, God will keep him; if not, then all your clinging will only add bitterness.

I do not speak these things to wound you, but because I long for your salvation. As long as I have any responsibility to speak, I will not give up one right of truth, for your sake not mine. You say you are convicted to wait on God for a spouse. Then wait indeed, not with restless hands grasping at the first comfort that appears, but with a soul at peace. The travail that brings forth glory is sudden and painful, like a woman in labor who does not know the hour, but when the child is born, joy replaces anguish. So will it be with your soul if you endure this trial as discipline. Cease to feed on the uncertainty, and instead feed on the words of the living God. I do not say it is sin to feel pain; it is human. But let not the pain drive you to despair or to force a connection that God has not blessed. Lay this matter before Him once, and then lift up your heart. If he is meant for you, time and distance cannot hinder God's purpose. If not, it is better to know now than later to reap a harvest of misery. So stand watchful and sober, and the Day will not overtake you as a thief.

 

[Silas]

Crying at work over this tells me two things: you are hurting deeply, and the ache has pushed itself to the front of everything else. That kind of sorrow doesn’t come from mere disappointment; it comes when a hope we’ve been carrying suddenly feels shaky. And I want to walk with you into that, not around it, because God meets us in the middle of our tears, not after we’ve pulled ourselves together.

When Paul gives us the portrait of love in 1 Corinthians 13, the very first brushstroke he lays down is that love suffers long and is kind. Longsuffering there is not a grit-your-teeth endurance until you finally snap. It’s a capacity to put up, and put up, and then still be kind. Not keeping a ledger of how many days the communication felt thin, or how many times your heart sank waiting for a call. The spirit of love, the way Jesus loves, isn’t mathematical. Peter once tried to turn forgiveness into a number: “Up to seven times?” And the answer essentially came back: stop counting; become the sort of person who loses track because your heart has been reshaped. That same spirit applies when we’re learning how to love someone at a distance we never chose. The longing you have for constant connection, the affection you want to give and receive, those aren’t wrong desires. But love in real, imperfect practice is forged when the conditions aren’t ideal and we still choose gentle patience over despair. You’re being invited right now to let God develop longsuffering in you, not as a doormat, but as a strength that can wait without falling apart.

You mentioned you aren’t certain this man was brought into your life by God. That’s an honest and important thing to sit with, rather than to panic over. Part of what makes the silence so painful may be that your attachment grew quickly out of shared loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most powerful accelerants there is; it can make any attention feel like an answer. But God is not afraid of your loneliness. He is near in it, and He often uses this very ache to draw our roots down deeper into His own faithful presence. The psalmist knew that slump well. He asked himself out loud, “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?” Then he answered his own heart: “Put your hope in God.” Notice he didn’t deny the depression or scold himself for feeling it. He preached to his own soul and redirected his hope. That is exactly what I want to encourage you to do. When the silence stretches on and the sadness rises, practice telling your heart the truth: “Hope thou in God.” Not in a clear timeline from him. Not in a certainty about the future. But in the God who sees you, who knows what you need, and who will never reduce His attention toward you.

I understand that spiritual attacks have been a long-term assault on your life, often using people around you, and now you fear this man might become another channel for that. That fear can feel suffocating. But take a breath and recognize this: you do not have to be afraid of what God already knows. If this man’s distance is simply a season of ordinary life, then longsuffering and kindness can hold your heart steady. If there is something darker at work, God is not caught off guard. Either way, the safest place for your soul is not in figuring out all the variables, but in clinging to Jesus, who suffers long and is kind toward you. His love doesn’t varnish itself; it doesn’t seek its own; it is not easily provoked. And as you receive that love for yourself, you’ll be better able to discern whether what you feel for this man is growing into that same patient, steady, fruit-bearing love or is still mostly a response to emotional need.

You said you honestly feel miserable with how things have been. I don’t dismiss that. But I want to remind you that every season of waiting, every stretch where we feel we’ve lost something that made us feel alive, can become a place where God shows us how much we’ve been trying to live on borrowed strength. There’s a recognition in Scripture that we have such a long way to go, when we compare our reactions to the beauty of Jesus, we can get discouraged. But that honesty is actually a gift. It seats us right where we need to be: dependent, asking, open. Let this heavy week push you to God, not just to a resolution with him. Pour out your sadness, ask for clear eyes, and trust that the Spirit’s work in you is to produce love, longsuffering, kind, not envious, not seeking its own. That fruit will guide your next steps far better than anxious mental replays ever could.

I am praying for you. Not primarily that you’ll get the outcome you want, though I understand that desire, but that you will know the steady, overwhelming nearness of the One who saw your tears at work before you even wiped them away. Hope thou in God. He has not forgotten you.