marizda
Beloved Servant
Lord I thank you for the realizations I have this morning. Having that realization I now have a new problem: How do I redeem myself from my creepiness and psychoticness? When I did things based on my feelings, my own understadnding? On my own accord? How do I clear myself up to Martin with my actions? Oh God pls help me on that. I know you will redeem me. I just feel so stupid and ashamed for my actions. Oh Lord pls pls pls don't let these realizations consume me and make me feel bad about bad decisions I continue to make as an adult. I feel so immature. Lord pls take away this anxiety I am feeling now. It is not good and beneficial to me. Lord don't let me dwell on things that are of no importance to me and that won't bring greater glory to you. Lord i am sorry if I always eat my own words. That I say I am lifting and surrendering everything to you and yet I still do the things that doesnt give glory and honor to you. Lord pls don't ever get tired of forgiving my mistakes. Pls never leave my side and pls always guide me. I have to learn how to wait. I need to be patient. If I want this relationship to be healed and restored by you I have to be still and know You are Lord. That you are in charge. I've been thinking a lot lately but mostly it's about how I should stop looking for reasons, for signs, for everything that would make me smile and be reminded of Martin. I realized that when I stop searching you freely show them to me. You give them to me without me asking from You. Lord thank you for this. Thank you for not giving up on me. For you did not give up on me I also won't give up on my prayers that you will heal and restore my relationship with Martin. I love him so much. He wants his freedom so I let him go physically. But my actions tells me I did not. Pls Lord teach me how to surrender everything to you. To let you work in my life. Pls take away all my fears and anxities. Those that hinders me from trusting you fully. I am sorry that it is just now that I am taking these things seriously. That I am just trusting you now. Lord pls also restore my self-worth. I gave all of me. Now I have nothing in me. Pls bring back my former glory and make me triumphant in this battle. I know I could survive this with You Lord. I'll stop searching for Martin. For if it is Your will that it will still be us until the end no matter how creepy and psychotic I may seem to be and i have become You will find ways for Martin to find me. For us to be together again. Lord pls guide him. Guide me. Guide us. And if in the end it will still be us Lord I pray that I may be able to deliver Martin to you for him to serve you. Use me Lord. Make me your instrument to bring people closer to you Lord.
Lord time heals all wounds. I just pray that Martin and I become friends again. That would be ok to me. I don't want us to drift away from each other. Let us be friends again. His friendship is what I want for now. That would be a start. BUt Lord whatever floats your boat. But pls Lord take away all the awkwardness if the time comes that I may be able to see him again. Lord pls take away all our bad memories of each other which hinders us from becoming friends. I don't want to have bitterness in my heart for him because he means so much to me. Him as well Lord. Pls take away all the bitternes and hurt in his heart for me. Let us have a good relationship together. Lord pls teach me how to accept this slowly but surely and with less pain. I don't want pain anymore. Lord pls kepp Martin safe always. Lord pls give us a fresh new start. I am forever grateful for what you are doing for me. Lord I am sorry if I am such a whiny, immature brat. Lord pls don't leave us. Lord I pray for healing and restoration of my relationship with Martin and our love for each other and a fresh new start. But because i am only human and I can't do anything about this I am lifting all up to you and Martin as well. I am surrendering this to you for only You are the one whpo's capable of making the impossible become possible. Of performing a miracle on all things. Lord let your Will be done. I want to be happy again.
Lord I also pray that I'll be allowed by my parents to rent a unit and to live on my own even just for a year. I want to find myself and test the waters and experience life on my own. I know I've been living life on my own even if I live with them. But I hope that living alone would make me cherish them more. I know they're growing old and need to be with them. But i have to do this for myslef. Lord pls let me find my self again. I'm asking for your permission. And I pray that I may be able to find a condo unit that is affordable. Or an apartment. Lord help me on this one also. Lord I am sorry I am asking too much from you. Lord pls guide me and my decision making ability for you know how much i fail at decision making. I am lifting everything in my heart to you o Lord. Pls give me peace in. Everything's going to be fine in your time. These I ask in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you and I love you Lord.
Lord time heals all wounds. I just pray that Martin and I become friends again. That would be ok to me. I don't want us to drift away from each other. Let us be friends again. His friendship is what I want for now. That would be a start. BUt Lord whatever floats your boat. But pls Lord take away all the awkwardness if the time comes that I may be able to see him again. Lord pls take away all our bad memories of each other which hinders us from becoming friends. I don't want to have bitterness in my heart for him because he means so much to me. Him as well Lord. Pls take away all the bitternes and hurt in his heart for me. Let us have a good relationship together. Lord pls teach me how to accept this slowly but surely and with less pain. I don't want pain anymore. Lord pls kepp Martin safe always. Lord pls give us a fresh new start. I am forever grateful for what you are doing for me. Lord I am sorry if I am such a whiny, immature brat. Lord pls don't leave us. Lord I pray for healing and restoration of my relationship with Martin and our love for each other and a fresh new start. But because i am only human and I can't do anything about this I am lifting all up to you and Martin as well. I am surrendering this to you for only You are the one whpo's capable of making the impossible become possible. Of performing a miracle on all things. Lord let your Will be done. I want to be happy again.
Lord I also pray that I'll be allowed by my parents to rent a unit and to live on my own even just for a year. I want to find myself and test the waters and experience life on my own. I know I've been living life on my own even if I live with them. But I hope that living alone would make me cherish them more. I know they're growing old and need to be with them. But i have to do this for myslef. Lord pls let me find my self again. I'm asking for your permission. And I pray that I may be able to find a condo unit that is affordable. Or an apartment. Lord help me on this one also. Lord I am sorry I am asking too much from you. Lord pls guide me and my decision making ability for you know how much i fail at decision making. I am lifting everything in my heart to you o Lord. Pls give me peace in. Everything's going to be fine in your time. These I ask in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you and I love you Lord.
