gascav
Servant of All
Dear Lord, I want to thank you for everything that you have given me and all that you have been to me in this life here on earth! I have never been deserving of anything, but you have always carried me through tough times and hard times. So many times you have blessed me, beyond my ability, and Lord, it was all for your glory. I am writing this in deep sorrow, and tears are almost falling down my eyes at what I have become. Once again, I am beginning to think that I have made the wrong choice coming to medical school for the M.D. program. I have always said about how I have been trailing behind in all the subjects, how I have always been working very hard and seeing little returns. The one today hurt me the most. We have been given our anatomy papers back, and I am nowhere near a good performance that has been achieved in the class. I have a sixty, and there are eighties and above in class, even the people who are less gifted in terms of memory and examination skills have surpassed me, and this would have been okay if I knew a lot but just had a slip-up during the exam. But in my case, it isn't. There are way too many things that I don't know, and I am disappointing the government that is sponsoring my studies.
Thinking over, I do realize that apart from everything, I do not have the attributes needed for a doctor to have, neither do I think that I want to have a career that deals directly with people's lives and their physical bodies. And at this rate, how will I ever be helpful to any patient? Any mess-up I may make will end up in me being sued or losing people's lives. I think I am forcing myself to become something that I am not. I have indeed stooped down too low. I cannot even believe if I am the same person that became the first student in the country amongst PCB takers, and now I am here. The stories that I heard when I came frighten me, that all students who were among the top ten in the country usually end up performing poorly, and somehow my results are pointing in that direction, and I don't want to be a failure and end up giving my God a bad name, that if people ask of my progress, I end up giving a poor report on how I have been. I am at crossroads, and I really don't know what to do. The people around me seem to be catching up better with the pace of learning at the university, while I failed to pass a test which was regarded by many as simple. I am so deeply hurt to know that I have gone from the top student in the country to a below-average student because, believe it or not, that is my situation!
Though I am in this situation, I have the slightest of hopes that maybe something will work out, maybe there is something that you can do, maybe there is a miracle on its way, and that you want to change a few of my attributes so that I may fit the profile that you want me to be because as of now, I don't stand a chance, and I have fallen far behind everybody, and time is not there. Furthermore, with the state I am in, I fail to get sufficient time to study as other people. There are a few people here who choose to keep the Sabbath, and I am one of them, choosing to follow this, I am consigned to having fewer hours than the rest of the people, and being behind everybody else, the situation has become even worse. All my life, I have always had the inclination of wanting to be the best, since primary school. I strived to become the first in class, and I did. In Ordinary level, I strived to become the first, and I became, and so as A level. The difference here is that there is almost no time to study things currently being taught, much less the things behind and not having caught up yet. I feel obliged to become the best medical student in Basic sciences, clinical sciences, and laboratory sciences. If this is what you have for me, I really need this. I hate being a failure as I usually try to give my best. Maybe my best is not good enough, but I usually try to study till when I can no longer study and I end up tired early and fail to concentrate. Father, this has gone to a point where human effort cannot do anything. This is my make-up/break-up point. If something can be done, then I could step out of this, maybe I could be very efficient, knowledgeable, an excellent knowledgeable doctor fully equipped in basic sciences, very keen, competent doctor in laboratory sciences, and a very professional doctor in clinical sciences. But if something is not done, then I may end up falling further behind and end up being forced out of medical school. I have three and a half days equivalent to make a change. Those are the days I have to study everything collectively and stick them in my mind, consolidate everything coupled with practice tests, MCQs, medical journals, videos, and application study. The volume of the material is extremely huge and beyond my ability. Lord, this has gotten beyond the human level of doing, and my situation is not good. I find it very hard to study; I have endured headaches this entire week along with extreme mental stress.
Dear Lord, my plea is please help me manage to study all the things that I have to study during the three days, help me master the material and start applying it and using it for the benefit of people. Dear Lord, I don't want to be a failure like what my situation is suggesting. Lord, you said that we are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. You promised us that the Holy Spirit, who is also a spirit of excellence, will come and dwell amongst us and help us in all areas, changing us while molding us to become the people you want us to become. I ask to be able to understand lectures in class, study at the hostel, read journals and other medical resources, read and hear the word of God and be able to minister it to other people. This is one of the things I have failed to do because I have constantly been looking for ways to cover this mess. There are times that I got to listen to Joyce Meyer sermons. I have, in a way, been a collective failure, an academic failure, spiritual failure, social failure, and intellectual failure. It is my interest to turn everything around, but at my level, it is nearly impossible. I need your intervention. I remember how you once intervened with my studying during the Sunday night before the anatomy examination, and Lord, it was one of the best things you have done for me, and though I failed the exam, I learned many things there, and let me say that failing was because I didn't continue from where you helped me reach. I believe that had I done a few questions to shake things up and used the morning hours to check up a few things, then I would have passed because Lord, the knowledge you imposed in my head was immense. I intend to pray over this again tomorrow and ask you, Lord, for a miracle, your intervention in this because I believe it is possible as you have done it once, and I believe you wouldn't mind doing it again as long as it will give you glory and honor in the end. Thus, it is my prayer that Lord, you settle everything so that I may be restored back to service and that I may be able to glorify you in what I do. I trust everything in your hands. Please, Lord, give me a second chance to make a difference in my life and the lives of people around me. It can only happen if you help me and not me!!! I am weak and powerless, but through you, O Lord, I can become a world beater again while giving glory to you and you alone. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.
Thinking over, I do realize that apart from everything, I do not have the attributes needed for a doctor to have, neither do I think that I want to have a career that deals directly with people's lives and their physical bodies. And at this rate, how will I ever be helpful to any patient? Any mess-up I may make will end up in me being sued or losing people's lives. I think I am forcing myself to become something that I am not. I have indeed stooped down too low. I cannot even believe if I am the same person that became the first student in the country amongst PCB takers, and now I am here. The stories that I heard when I came frighten me, that all students who were among the top ten in the country usually end up performing poorly, and somehow my results are pointing in that direction, and I don't want to be a failure and end up giving my God a bad name, that if people ask of my progress, I end up giving a poor report on how I have been. I am at crossroads, and I really don't know what to do. The people around me seem to be catching up better with the pace of learning at the university, while I failed to pass a test which was regarded by many as simple. I am so deeply hurt to know that I have gone from the top student in the country to a below-average student because, believe it or not, that is my situation!
Though I am in this situation, I have the slightest of hopes that maybe something will work out, maybe there is something that you can do, maybe there is a miracle on its way, and that you want to change a few of my attributes so that I may fit the profile that you want me to be because as of now, I don't stand a chance, and I have fallen far behind everybody, and time is not there. Furthermore, with the state I am in, I fail to get sufficient time to study as other people. There are a few people here who choose to keep the Sabbath, and I am one of them, choosing to follow this, I am consigned to having fewer hours than the rest of the people, and being behind everybody else, the situation has become even worse. All my life, I have always had the inclination of wanting to be the best, since primary school. I strived to become the first in class, and I did. In Ordinary level, I strived to become the first, and I became, and so as A level. The difference here is that there is almost no time to study things currently being taught, much less the things behind and not having caught up yet. I feel obliged to become the best medical student in Basic sciences, clinical sciences, and laboratory sciences. If this is what you have for me, I really need this. I hate being a failure as I usually try to give my best. Maybe my best is not good enough, but I usually try to study till when I can no longer study and I end up tired early and fail to concentrate. Father, this has gone to a point where human effort cannot do anything. This is my make-up/break-up point. If something can be done, then I could step out of this, maybe I could be very efficient, knowledgeable, an excellent knowledgeable doctor fully equipped in basic sciences, very keen, competent doctor in laboratory sciences, and a very professional doctor in clinical sciences. But if something is not done, then I may end up falling further behind and end up being forced out of medical school. I have three and a half days equivalent to make a change. Those are the days I have to study everything collectively and stick them in my mind, consolidate everything coupled with practice tests, MCQs, medical journals, videos, and application study. The volume of the material is extremely huge and beyond my ability. Lord, this has gotten beyond the human level of doing, and my situation is not good. I find it very hard to study; I have endured headaches this entire week along with extreme mental stress.
Dear Lord, my plea is please help me manage to study all the things that I have to study during the three days, help me master the material and start applying it and using it for the benefit of people. Dear Lord, I don't want to be a failure like what my situation is suggesting. Lord, you said that we are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. You promised us that the Holy Spirit, who is also a spirit of excellence, will come and dwell amongst us and help us in all areas, changing us while molding us to become the people you want us to become. I ask to be able to understand lectures in class, study at the hostel, read journals and other medical resources, read and hear the word of God and be able to minister it to other people. This is one of the things I have failed to do because I have constantly been looking for ways to cover this mess. There are times that I got to listen to Joyce Meyer sermons. I have, in a way, been a collective failure, an academic failure, spiritual failure, social failure, and intellectual failure. It is my interest to turn everything around, but at my level, it is nearly impossible. I need your intervention. I remember how you once intervened with my studying during the Sunday night before the anatomy examination, and Lord, it was one of the best things you have done for me, and though I failed the exam, I learned many things there, and let me say that failing was because I didn't continue from where you helped me reach. I believe that had I done a few questions to shake things up and used the morning hours to check up a few things, then I would have passed because Lord, the knowledge you imposed in my head was immense. I intend to pray over this again tomorrow and ask you, Lord, for a miracle, your intervention in this because I believe it is possible as you have done it once, and I believe you wouldn't mind doing it again as long as it will give you glory and honor in the end. Thus, it is my prayer that Lord, you settle everything so that I may be restored back to service and that I may be able to glorify you in what I do. I trust everything in your hands. Please, Lord, give me a second chance to make a difference in my life and the lives of people around me. It can only happen if you help me and not me!!! I am weak and powerless, but through you, O Lord, I can become a world beater again while giving glory to you and you alone. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.
