Confused And Hopeless

[lmh29]

Please pray for me. For the past 6 years, especially the past 3, I have prayed for God to grant my prayers for me. And He did. He granted my most desperate, deepest prayers and desires, taking me out of my depression, shame, and the terrible situation I was in. And now, about a year after He granted my prayers everything has fallen apart. I feel fooled. I feel deceived. I asked so I would receive and I did. I did nothing except seek God and beg everyday for His help. God granted my prayers. And now they have come undone and are shattered. It destroyed me the first time and as soon I leave this phase of denial I am sure it will again. I tried so hard for so long. All I did was pray and seek God and His Word. I believed. I actually believed. Now I feel like I brainwashed myself into believing and trying so hard. I was sure God had done this for me because He loved me. I was so joyful and happy because God actually did this for me. I was so happy, so relieved. There was peace and joy. And now everything has fallen apart. Being able to see things I do now in the situation, I realize that for a while things were falling apart. At the time I couldn’t tell or understand, but now it is clear. I don’t understand God. And now here I am still trying to believe God will twist this again and make it good, make it all better. How would I even be able to trust? I feel like I was just fooling myself this whole time. Why grant my prayers just to undo them, just leave me with even worse hurt and pain? God doesn’t fool. He isn’t a deceiver. Satan yes, God no. But I was praying to God. Only God. I sought only God and He lead me. He led me clearly, or so I thought. God brought me to trust Him and learn about Him and I did and now what? I keep trying to have hope, but it is false hope and hurts so bad. Words can’t describe what I feel. All I want to do is pray. I just want to pray for God to fix and restore everything. I trusted in God in this situation. There were even times where I was sure He was speaking to me and encouraging me through His Word and what not. I am ashamed. I trusted God and I am left to shame. I have lost so much in my life. Again. For a second time. I am left to such humiliation and shame. I can’t bear it. God brought me out of that the first time. And now I see it wasn’t ever real. Why save me to send me back? Why destroy me and lead me to be faithful and trust in you and cry to you every day and get my hopes up, just to undo all of it? I have no path for my future. I feel completely hopeless. Many times I prayed to God asking if I was on the right path and to only give me truth. Sure I could have misunderstood, and well apparently I did. God was all I had and now I don’t to trust Him. I know, lean not on your own understanding, but still. I needed trust and it is gone. I feel dead. Empty. I feel so stupid and fooled and ashamed. I see no way my circumstances can change for good, especially not in the way I want. I keeping trying to pray and hope God will do the impossible for me and even be faithful in all of this and make things right even if I am not being faithful, even in my confusion and terrible times. I don’t want to fool myself anymore though. I see no good in my future. I see no peace, no joy, and I am afraid not even in God anymore. Even if God helps or does the impossible I am afraid I will miss it or become scared and not trust again and ruin it. Or if He does anything for me at all I am afraid I will ruin it choose wrong because I can’t tell and I afraid I will be misunderstanding God again. Hope makes me sick now, as well as all of my crushed hopes and dreams, thinking on them and everything makes me sick. I am afraid to turn to God, I am afraid of hoping or seeking Him, I am afraid I will get it wrong again or think too much or not hear Him clearly or something. I am still praying for Him to help quickly and I am still praying He will work miracles for me, and quickly, and save me from my shame and show me that the past 6 years weren't in vain and to where I was sure He was leading me and why was not false, but yet true. I pray He reveals to me things and maybe shows me (truthfully) that all I thought I stupidly missed wasn't really concerning this and there was no warning signs and also that He can flip this again and make it good again, better than He did last time, for His glory, in ways I can trust. Please pray He didn't shut doors for me, as least not permantly and that I have nothing to be ashamed of and that others can't shame. Please pray I am misunderstanding this situation now and that God will show me favor and good and help and make things clear, in ways I can trust. I know it doesn't make sense, but God knows what I mean. I am so lost and scared and confused and depressed and hopeless. God taught me so much,leading me to His Word, guiding me, giving me hope and fulfilling my dreams, and now...I don't understand. Please pray God helps me. Please pray about all of this for me. I am so overwhelmed. Thank you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

[kaatazze]

Lord, just reading the first paragraph made me realize that i did not have to read further because i know You are Lord. once when i was young, i believe the same thing, now that i am saved; i understand and realize You are Lord, my God, my Creator, my Counselor, my Financier, my Banker, my Father, my Healer, my Comforter and all You ask in return is to trust and SERVE you. now i stand before You and request the same for this child, give her faith and understanding from You that she will never regret; for You are Lord. dust her off, wipe her heart clean and redirect her in her life, i pray and may she return giving You all the glory on this site, forevermore, AMEN!

 

[hhawki3]

After reading your words, I thought about Joseph and all he had to endure before he realized his dream that God had given him. In life there will be many peaks and valley's. I'm sure there were times when Joseph felt as you do, especially when he was put into prison. But God was with him and He's with you also, even when you circumstances speak otherwise. Your faith is being perfected, and when you come through your trials and testings, you will be able to encourage someone else. Try going on gfa.org and reading the message by k.p. yohannon "Be Encouraged". It will help you. Then as Job said, When He has tried me I will come forth as gold!

 

[toolbar]

First I sincerely pray for understanding. You are his child. You don't have to beg God for anything. He loves you, and his love for you can never ever change. The way God answers pray may not always be the exact same, but he knows exactly what you need and knows at what perfect time to give it to you. Sometimes we expect God to move swiftly like he may have answered our other prayers. However, God has infinite wisdom and some prayers won't get answered as quick. Father I pray that you give your daughter understanding. I pray that you show her your love and your kindness. You love her so much that you sent your only begotten son Jesus to die for her. All that she could ever do wrong. Has already been paid for. Father I pray for you love to surround her and protect her and give her wisdom and guidance. Amen and Amen .

 

[Harold]

Our heavenly Father, in this prayer I can hear the desperation and doubt that she is feeling. Lord, I pray for her to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in her life, feeling Him lift her up and calming her fears. Lord, how many times have I wondered of You were hearing me or answering my prayers to find out later You have answered them all, all of them according to Your will, that sometimes did not line up with what I was wanting at the time. I thank You for doing everything according to Your will and at Your perfect timing. I pray that she would see how her prayers have been answered, or are being answered, according to Your perfect will and better than she could imagine. I know that it is hard to wait on You, we want the answers to come to us immediately. Lord, I pray for her to see a glimpse of what is going on, and to place her full trust in You once again. I thank You for never letting us down or foresaking us. In Jesus' name, Amen.