We come before the throne of grace with you, lifting your heartfelt confessions and struggles to our Lord Jesus Christ, for it is written, *"Let’s therefore draw near with boldness to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace for help in time of need"* (Hebrews 4:16, WEB). We praise you for calling upon the name of Jesus, for it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and find salvation. *"There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"* (Acts 4:12, WEB). Your acknowledgment of Jesus as your Savior is the foundation of all hope, and we stand with you in this truth.
Your burdens are many, and we see how deeply the wounds of past experiences—both within the church and in daily life—have affected your mind, spirit, and even your perception of yourself. The church, which should be a place of refuge and godly love, has instead become a source of pain for you. This is grievous, for the body of Christ is called to be *"one body and one Spirit, even as you also were called in one hope of your calling"* (Ephesians 4:4, WEB). When the church fails in its purpose, it wounds the sheep rather than shepherds them. We pray that God would heal these wounds and restore your trust in His people, even as we acknowledge that no institution is perfect—only He is. *"Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God"* (Romans 12:2, WEB). We ask the Lord to renew your mind, to replace the memories of embarrassment, shame, and spiritual attacks with His truth: that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and that your worth is found in Christ alone.
You have confessed struggles with impurity, including the sin of fornication through self-gratification. This is a serious matter before the Lord, for *"the body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body"* (1 Corinthians 6:13, WEB). The act you described—attempting to hide this sin—only deepens the stronghold of guilt and shame. But take heart, for *"if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"* (1 John 1:9, WEB). Repentance is the path to freedom, and we urge you to turn away from this sin completely, seeking accountability with a mature believer who can walk with you in this struggle. The enemy uses such sins to bring condemnation, but *"there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus"* (Romans 8:1, WEB). Flee from this temptation, and pursue holiness, for *"without holiness no man will see the Lord"* (Hebrews 12:14, WEB).
Your desire for physical strength to honor God as the temple of the Holy Spirit is commendable, for *"you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s"* (1 Corinthians 6:20, WEB). However, we must caution you against placing your identity or worth in physical appearance or ability. The body is indeed a temple, but its greatest strength comes from being surrendered to Christ, not from outward prowess. *"Bodily exercise has some value, but godliness has value in all things, having the promise of the life which is now, and of that which is to come"* (1 Timothy 4:8, WEB). If the military is where God is leading you, seek His will above all else, and prepare yourself spiritually even more than physically. *"Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might"* (Ephesians 6:10, WEB).
We are deeply concerned by your mention of occult influences, whether through games, music, or perceived curses. The Bible sternly warns against any involvement with the occult, for *"there shall not be found with you anyone who makes his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, one who uses divination, one who practices sorcery, or an enchanter, or a sorcerer, or a charmer, or someone who consults a spirit medium, or a wizard, or someone who calls on the dead. For whoever does these things is an abomination to Yahweh"* (Deuteronomy 18:10-12, WEB). If you have engaged with such things, even unknowingly, we urge you to renounce them completely and ask God to break every ungodly tie. *"Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"* (James 4:7, WEB). The "vexation" and spiritual attacks you describe are real, but *"greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world"* (1 John 4:4, WEB). Claim the blood of Jesus over your life and reject every lie of the enemy.
Your regret for being alive and your daily struggles with perception and dreams reveal a spirit of heaviness that is not from God. *"The thief only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly"* (John 10:10, WEB). Jesus did not create you to live in despair, but to walk in victory. We rebuke the spirit of suicide, depression, and hopelessness in the name of Jesus, and we declare that *"the joy of Yahweh is your strength"* (Nehemiah 8:10, WEB). If these feelings persist, we strongly encourage you to seek godly counseling and to share these burdens with a trusted pastor or believer. You are not meant to carry them alone.
Regarding your interactions with others, including the incident with the ### individual, we remind you that *"a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"* (Proverbs 15:1, WEB). Ask the Lord to guard your tongue and to fill you with His love, which *"is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil"* (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, WEB). Forgiveness and humility are key to breaking cycles of offense and retaliation.
We also address your concern about "soul being music" rather than the Word of God. Music can be a blessing, but it must never replace the centrality of Scripture in your life. *"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of God’s mouth"* (Matthew 4:4, WEB). Immerse yourself in the Bible daily, for it is *"a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path"* (Psalm 119:105, WEB). Let the Word of God renew your mind and guard your heart against the distractions of the world.
Finally, we pray over your desire to serve God through military service. If this is His will, He will open the doors and equip you. But first, seek His kingdom and righteousness above all else (Matthew 6:33). *"Unless Yahweh builds the house, they who build it labor in vain"* (Psalm 127:1, WEB). Trust in His timing and His plan, for *"we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose"* (Romans 8:28, WEB).
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**Prayer:**
Heavenly Father, we come before You with our brother, lifting his heart, mind, and spirit into Your loving hands. Lord Jesus, You see the depths of his pain—the shame, the spiritual attacks, the regret, and the longing for purpose. We ask You to wash him clean with Your precious blood, to break every chain of sin, guilt, and occult influence that has bound him. Renew his mind, Lord, and replace every lie with Your truth. Let him know beyond all doubt that he is loved, redeemed, and called by You.
We rebuke the spirits of depression, hopelessness, and self-hatred in the name of Jesus. We declare that our brother is *"more than a conqueror through him who loved us"* (Romans 8:37, WEB). Lord, surround him with Your angels, protect him from every spiritual attack, and fill him with Your peace that surpasses all understanding.
Father, we pray for deliverance from the sins he has confessed, especially the sin of sexual immorality. Grant him the strength to flee from temptation and the courage to walk in purity. Place godly men in his life who can hold him accountable and encourage him in the faith.
We ask You to heal the wounds caused by the church and by the cruelty of others. Let him forgive as You have forgiven him, and restore his joy in Your presence. Break the power of every curse, every occult tie, and every word spoken against him. Let Your light expose and destroy every work of darkness in his life.
Lord, if it is Your will for him to serve in the military, prepare him body, soul, and spirit. Give him wisdom, discipline, and a heart fully surrendered to You. But above all, let him seek Your kingdom first, trusting that You will guide his steps.
We pray for his dreams and perceptions, Lord. Guard his mind from the enemy’s lies and fill his thoughts with Your truth. Let him meditate on Your Word day and night, that he may prosper in all he does.
Father, we thank You that You are the God who sees, the God who hears, and the God who delivers. We trust You to work all things together for his good, for Your glory. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Amen.
