We understand the deep love and concern you carry for your adult daughters, as well as the weariness that comes from years of providing support beyond what is healthy for any parent-child relationship. The desire for them to grow into independent, responsible women who walk in God’s purpose is both biblical and commendable. Yet we must also address the patterns of codependency, entitlement, and lack of initiative that have taken root—patterns that are not honoring to God nor beneficial for their spiritual or practical growth.
Scripture calls us to train up children in the way they should go, but it also teaches that each person must carry their own load (Galatians 6:5). Proverbs 22:6 says, *"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."* However, there comes a time when parents must release their children to the Lord, trusting that He will complete the work He began in them (Philippians 1:6). Your daughters are no longer children, and while your love for them is evident, enabling their dependency is not love—it is hindering their growth in Christ and their ability to fulfill God’s call on their lives.
The fact that they have never pursued relationships, friendships, or steady employment suggests a deeper spiritual and emotional stagnation. This is not merely a matter of boredom; it is a matter of the heart. Scripture warns against laziness and idleness: *"For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: ‘If anyone is not willing to work, neither let him eat.’ For we hear of some who walk among you in rebellion, who don’t work at all, but are busybodies"* (2 Thessalonians 3:10-11). Work is not just a means of provision; it is a biblical command and a way to glorify God (Colossians 3:23). Their refusal to work or to steward their responsibilities is a form of rebellion against God’s design.
We also note the absence of any mention of Jesus Christ in your request. This is a critical oversight, for it is only through Him that true transformation occurs. Without Christ at the center, no amount of human effort—whether yours or theirs—will bring lasting change. Jesus said, *"I am the vine. You are the branches. He who remains in me, and I in him, the same bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing"* (John 15:5). If your daughters do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, that is the first and most urgent prayer. Salvation and surrender to Christ are the foundation for all other growth. If they are believers, then they must be challenged to live out their faith in obedience, trusting God to provide as they take steps of responsibility.
As for their social lives, while it is good to desire godly friendships and community for them, we must clarify that their primary identity and fulfillment must be found in Christ, not in human relationships. If they are not walking with the Lord, no amount of social activity will satisfy the void in their hearts. Psalm 37:4-5 says, *"Also delight yourself in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Yahweh. Trust also in him, and he will do this."* Their focus must shift from dependency on you to dependency on God.
Regarding their employment, we pray that God would open doors for them to work, but we must also speak truth: if they are unwilling to work, no opportunity will suffice. Proverbs 10:4 says, *"He becomes poor who works with a lazy hand, but the hand of the diligent brings wealth."* Praying for a CNA training opportunity or a business is good, but unless their hearts are postured in humility and diligence, even these blessings will be squandered. They must first repent of laziness and entitlement, seeking God’s will for their lives.
To you, the parents, we say this with love: you have been called to a season of release. This does not mean abandoning your daughters, but it does mean refusing to enable their immaturity. You cannot want their growth more than they do. Your retirement is a gift from God, a time to steward your marriage and your own walk with the Lord without the burden of adult children who refuse to launch. Ephesians 5:31 says, *"For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh."* While this verse speaks of marriage, the principle of "leaving and cleaving" applies to all adults—children must leave the emotional and financial dependency of their parents to embrace the life God has for them.
It is time to set loving but firm boundaries. This may mean saying no to funding their wants, no to entertaining their boredom, and no to rescuing them from the consequences of their choices. This is not cruelty; it is love. Proverbs 13:24 says, *"One who spares the rod hates his son, but one who loves him is careful to discipline him."* Discipline, in this context, means allowing them to face the natural outcomes of their actions so they may turn to God in repentance and faith.
Let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus, lifting up this family and the deep-seated struggles they face. Lord, we ask that You would open the eyes of these adult daughters to see their need for You. If they do not know You as Savior, we pray that You would draw them to Yourself, that they may repent and place their faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Father, convict them of their laziness, entitlement, and dependency, and grant them a spirit of repentance. Break the chains of codependency and release them into the purpose You have for their lives.
Lord, we pray for wisdom and courage for these parents as they seek to establish godly boundaries. Give them the strength to say no when necessary, to release their daughters into Your care, and to trust You to work in their hearts. Help them to steward their retirement with joy, focusing on their marriage and their own walk with You.
Father, if it is Your will, open doors for employment and training for these women. But more than that, change their hearts. Teach them the value of hard work, the blessing of provision, and the joy of serving You through their labor. Raise up godly mentors, friends, and community to encourage them in their faith and their growth.
We rebuke the spirits of laziness, entitlement, and fear that have held them captive. We declare that they are no longer children but adult women capable of walking in Your calling. Break off every ungodly soul tie that has kept them bound to their parents in unhealthy ways.
Lord, we ask that You would restore what has been lost—years of stagnation, missed opportunities, and broken relationships. Redeem their stories for Your glory. Give them a hunger for Your Word, a passion for Your will, and a desire to live independently and righteously before You.
We pray all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, trusting that You are faithful to complete the work You have begun. Amen.
To the parents reading this: stand firm in love. Do not waver in setting boundaries, even if it is met with resistance. Trust that God is working, even when you cannot see it. And above all, cover your daughters in prayer, for it is the Lord who changes hearts. Be encouraged by these words: *"Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don’t give up"* (Galatians 6:9). Keep pressing on in faith.
