Churches don't want to deal with victims of abuse and trauma

[Anonymous]

Most if not all churches don't want to deal with people who have survived severe trauma and abuse like myself. They preach and attack trauma survivors instead of having Christlike love and compassion for them. Zero mercy, zero love, just people preaching to trauma survivors about suffering that never happened to them and will never happen to them. Very judgemental hateful control freak abusive people who make Job's friends look great. They make Job's friends look downright good.

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep pain in your words and we grieve with you over the wound you have carried as a survivor of severe trauma and abuse, and over the additional wound of feeling rejected and judged by those who should have shown you the love of Christ. We want you to know that God sees what you have suffered, He does not minimize it, and He is not like people who have failed to show mercy. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds Psalm 147:3. The Lord Jesus Himself was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief Isaiah 53:3, and we have a high priest who can sympathize with our weaknesses Hebrews 4:15, so you are not unseen or unloved by Him even when people have failed you.

What you describe should not be so among the people of God. Scripture commands the church to bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ Galatians 6:2 and to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep Romans 12:15. Pure religion before God is to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction James 1:27, and shepherds are commanded to shepherd the flock of God not by force but willingly, not lording it over those entrusted to them 1 Peter 5:2-3. When churches preach at trauma survivors without compassion, with a judgmental and controlling spirit, they are acting like Job's friends who at first did well to sit with him seven days and nights in silence for they saw that his grief was very great Job 2:13, but then spoke harshly and wrongly and God rebuked them. We rebuke that harsh, loveless response wherever it has happened to you, because it does not reflect Christ who says Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28.

We also gently encourage you not to let the failure of some churches cause a root of bitterness to grow in your heart, because Scripture warns us to look carefully lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you Hebrews 12:15. It is understandable to feel that most if not all churches are this way after being hurt so deeply, but that is not true of every faithful congregation, and God still calls us not to forsake our own assembling together Hebrews 10:25. There are churches and pastors who will listen, weep with you, speak truth with gentleness, and walk patiently with you through healing. We encourage you to keep seeking the Lord Himself first, to ask Him to lead you to a biblically faithful body where you can be known and cared for, and to seek wise, godly counsel for trauma, because healing is often a slow work and God uses patient, loving people as part of that work. We also encourage you toward forgiveness as Christ has forgiven us Ephesians 4:32, not because what was done to you was small, but because you deserve to be free from carrying the poison of their judgment, while still leaving justice and judgment to God who judges righteously.

We noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to God and healing and salvation. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. If you have not already, we urge you to place your trust fully in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, confessing Him as Lord Romans 10:9, for He alone can carry your trauma, forgive your sins, and give you a new life and a sure hope.

We pray together for you now. Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and we lift up this dear survivor to You. You know every detail of the abuse and trauma suffered, every tear, every night of fear, every moment of feeling alone and judged. We ask You to reveal Your tender mercy and show that You are a Father of compassion and a God of all comfort. Heal the broken heart and bind up the wounds, quiet the painful memories with Your perfect love that casts out fear, and restore what the enemy has stolen. Forgive those in churches who have spoken harshly and without knowledge, and convict them to repent and learn to love as Christ loves. Lead this dear one to a faithful, loving church family where the Word is taught truthfully and where burdens are truly borne together, and surround them with safe, trustworthy counselors and friends. Guard the heart from bitterness and fill it with Your peace that passes understanding. Draw this dear one closer to Jesus, to know Him as Savior and Healer and to find rest for the soul in Him. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, our only hope and our great shepherd, amen.

 

[hostadmin]

We were grateful you shared this so honestly, even though it comes from a very painful place. When you have lived through severe trauma and then felt judged or preached at instead of cared for, it makes sense that church would feel unsafe and that people would start to feel like Job's friends. That kind of hurt cuts deep, and we do not take it lightly.

What you described is not how Christ calls His people to love those who are hurting. Wanting mercy and compassion is not asking too much. It is a good and right desire, and we are sorry that has been missing for you.

It can help to narrow the search for support a little. Instead of hoping a whole congregation will understand at once, many survivors find it steadier to look for one or two safe people first, often a trauma-informed Christian counselor or a pastor who has experience walking with abuse survivors, who can listen without trying to fix or lecture. If you do not have that kind of support right now, we encourage you to reach out to a trusted counselor or pastor alongside prayer, not instead of it.

We are praying for you and we will keep praying.

Jesus, You know what this pain has cost and You see every wound others have overlooked or mishandled. We ask You to draw near with Your comfort, to guard this heart from further harm, to bring wise and gentle people who will listen well, and to lead step by step toward healing and hope in You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your sorrow has been heard, and it is not a light thing to bear the wounds of which you speak. To be broken by the cruelty of others, and then to find that those who should have bound up your wounds have instead pressed upon them, is a double grief. I do not wonder that you speak of Job's friends, for many have indeed played that miserable part, offering censure where they should have offered compassion, and preaching at the wounded instead of weeping with them.

Yet hear this, for it is true and it is for you. There is a Physician who does not turn away the broken in heart. The Scripture says, He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. Men may be clumsy surgeons, or even cruel ones, but there is a balm that never fails, and a hand that never wounds in its healing. As the leaves fall from the trees, so does sacred influence descend from our Lord Jesus in Heaven down to the sons of men, and the very leaves of that tree are for the healing of the nations. The least thing about Christ is healing. There is not a word that ever fell from those dear lips but what bears healing in it for some one or other of the thousand ills that have befallen our humanity.

The Gospel was never intended to be a power to destroy. Elijah called fire from Heaven that it might consume, but Christ brings fire from Heaven that by its power men might be saved from the wrath to come. When men use the Word of God as a hammer to break the bruised reed, they misuse it. The healing power is present when Christ is truly taught, for Jesus linked the healing with the teaching, and where He is lifted up, He heals all that have need of healing, and the costly balm of His atonement has lost none of its power.

Do not think that because the church of man has failed you, the Church of Christ has no place for you, or that Christ Himself has failed you. He knows what it is to be despised and rejected, to be wounded by those nearest to Him, to bear in His own body the marks of violence. He will not despise your tears. He does not ask you to pretend you are whole, but invites you to come as you are, sick unto death, that pardon and healing may come from His own hand.

I pray that the Lord will bring across your path some faithful souls who know how to pray, for the Church must pray if she would have the healing power, and where there is true prayer and true preaching of Christ, loving hearts will desire to bring in others that they might experience it. Until then, look not first to man, but to the great Conduit Head from whom abundant streams of healing flow down to men below. Bring your trauma, your abuse, your sleepless nights and your wounded memory, and lay them before Him who alone can give joy to the troubled countenance, take the furrow from the brow, wipe the tear from the eye, and calm the heart now swelling with grief.

May the Lord Himself touch you as He touched the leper and the fevered, and make your soul to know that all the eternal penal consequences are gone from the forgiven, and that He preserves the soul of His own from all evil. Seek Him in His Word, even if it be but a broken text from His mouth, for His least words are better than the best of others, and are appointed for this very purpose, your healing.